Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    rlad01's Avatar
    rlad01 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Nov 17, 2009, 05:15 PM
    Should I leave the mother of my children?
    Hi there folks,

    A relitively quick background: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and have had some good times, and some bad times. This is typical in a relationship, I realize that. About 8 months ago she and I talked about swinging and agreed that we'd try it. Months and months later, I finally found a girl that I wanted to be sexual with and what not, and we ended up sleeping together. Surely enough, the girlfriend ended up getting jealous and changed her mind after a few arguments that she and I had. Anyway, long story short, I developed feelings for this other girl. It was an eye opener. I got to be myself, as geeky or dorky as that might be. Tell my bad jokes, cuddle up and be intimate. With my girlfriend, there is no intimacy, cuddling, spur of the moment sex, excitement... she just isn't into that stuff for some of her own reasons.

    The hard part: We have 4 children. Her's, mine, and our own 2. I would be leaving this relationship with my daughter from my previous, and child support for 2, if not a third. Now that's fine, the child support isn't the biggest issue. I'd most likely give her more, actually, to keep her comfort levels for life, up.

    When I intended to do the break up last week, I told her my concerns. I was honest about them, or so I thought. I thought I was honest about how I felt. I was a bit wrong. Now she's doing what I told her I need her to do, and yet, the spark for me is not there. Am I giving it enough time?

    What are the signs? How should I do it? She's going to be devistated, as are the children.

    Thoughts and advice? Questions?
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Nov 17, 2009, 05:25 PM

    Why are you choosing to leave this girl? Is it because something happened and your relationship can't be saved? Maybe you both could benefit from counseling..
    BlackVY's Avatar
    BlackVY Posts: 823, Reputation: 154
    Senior Member
     
    #3

    Nov 17, 2009, 05:43 PM

    Seems like she is making an effort now and trying to make this relationship work, trying to make you happy by giving you what you want, but you are still not satisfied.

    Its like your heart is not in this relationship anymore and you want to be with this other woman.

    Swinging wasn't a good thing for your relationship. I don't think swinging ever is the right thing to do in any situation.

    Anyway, now you need to ask yourself if you truly want to give everything up with your girlfriend, the life, the history together and especially the kids, all for this other woman you met through swinging.

    If you are going to stay with your girlfriend, then you need to put the effort into the relationship too, say goodbye to this other woman, give up swinging hopefully and try along with your girlfriend to reignite the spark between the 2 of you.

    Choice is yours. Good luck
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #4

    Nov 17, 2009, 05:46 PM

    The new excitement of the greener grass always looks better,

    Remember how exciting it was when you and the mother of your children were when you first got together.

    And yes, the majority of people who want to "swing" end up with this issue,

    Why not get counseling and try and make this work.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
    Marriage Expert
     
    #5

    Nov 17, 2009, 10:23 PM
    First, it isn't 'swinging' if you were the only one getting sex outside the relationship. It was an 'open relationship'. You essentially had an affair with her permission (at least, at first). 'Swinging' involves another couple so that neither partner is left out. Why didn't you wait until she found a male partner for herself?

    Second, this 'new' woman doesn't have the baggage that your girlfriend does. She doesn't wash your underwear or feed your children or help you worry about paying bills. She is a fantasy that you allowed to get out of hand. She is not reality.

    Before all this, did you ever actually have a discussion with your girlfriend about what you needed in the way of affection from the relationship besides permission to have sex with someone else? Is this need a recent development since the 'new' woman? Does the this other woman even know that you are in a relationship?

    I am going to suggest couple's counseling just to give you both a chance to work through the issues and maybe get your relationship back on track or, at least, try to end your relationship on friendly terms for the sake of your children.

    One last question, IF she had found a male to have sex with, how would you be feeling right now?

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Can step mother get child support issued from biological mother of step children? [ 5 Answers ]

My husband doesn't want to go after his ex for child support. Can I go after her as the step parent who has been caring for the children for almost five years? The biological mother hasn't seen or talked to the children for about four years now.

Want to leave husband & keep children [ 8 Answers ]

I have been with my husband for 8 years now. We were pushed together. We were playing around, ended up having sex and I became pregnant. So he asked me to marry him. It was the right thing to do. We now have 3 children. 7, 4, and 2. I don't want to be with him. I have regretted our relationship. I...

I must leave him, but my children will hate me [ 2 Answers ]

My boyfriend/ father of my children of 18 years has been addicted to pain pills for many years now. I can not take the lonlelyness and the lack of emotional attachment any more. I love him and want things to work out, but there is no interest in his part. What do I do? My kids ( 7 and 11 ) are very...

Children want to be with mother and mother agrees. [ 15 Answers ]

Hello,I live in Jacksonville,Florida and I have been here since 11/05.I used to live in NYC and at one point I was having a very hard time with my living situation so I gave my ex-husband custody of our 2 beautiful sons(hesitantly) but I knew they would be in a better environment at that time in...

I want to leave the State with Children [ 3 Answers ]

I have been separated for 11 years. We have two teen aged chldren that have lived with me the whole time. I want to move out of state with them to be near family and I have a better job where I am wanting to move. Problem is their father has Huntington's disease and I wanted him to move with us so...


View more questions Search