[Faithpal28]

I don't understand it maybe someone can explain it to me. For a long time I have had an interests for the same sex. I find women as the most beautiful creatures on earth. And not only there beauty but their strength, poise, essence the way they smile and laugh. The way that there bodies are architected is just amazing. Men have their strength and beauty as well but it is something about a women that can make years of pain and bad experiences wear them like a beautiful blooming flower.

Well anyway you get my point I like women and I am a women. I am 26 yrs old and what strikes me about myself is that I like older women and I seem to be attracted to straight woman. Its not like I look for them but I see a woman I like and even if she is straight I go for her and I am usually successful. The only problem is after a few weeks of deep connection and straight intimacy these women freak out and just go straight back to men. However, I would be the perfect boyfriend only if I had a penis. I am loving, attentive, funny, intelligent, laid back and calm. They say I am perfect emotionally but its just not enough. But what's crazy to me is that they all went back to men who didn't really care about there feelings, non responsive, unappreciating and then they put me in the friend box and talk to me about there relationships. Well I hate it because also while being put in that box if they are bored and hurt bad enough they might consider me again. But what they want me to do is be the emotional part of the man but they don't want to offer anything physical.
And ladies even though I do pride myself in being a women I do on some levels think like a man in certain cases. Sometimes I feel cheated out of these relationships. I don't mind taking care my woman completely but sometimes I want something in return. A hug, a kiss even hold my hand some type of touch. If I am in a relationship with someone I want to love them on every level and I want to be shown effection.

Please explain to me why do I put myself in this position women tell me I am perfect but they just can be with me. You know how much that hurts especially if I have fallen in love with them. Please help me to understand.

[Catsmine]

As a straight man, I can understand your attraction. I can't really empathize with your predicament, but here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I think you may be putting the cart before the horse somewhat. I found that the friendship needs to come first, before the physical intimacy, so that the physical becomes a part of deepening the friendship. Then if you find the two of you are not suited for a lifelong partnership, the friendship can continue. I ran into a lot less heartbreak when I was single than most of my contemporaries.

So, again for what it's worth, my advice is to slow down and look more closely.

[redhed35]

For a start your going for women who are straight,the emotional connection they get with you is the attraction for them,the reason I would think they go back to men,is because their not gay...

If your providing the emotional and mental stimuation the physical will follow,not always of course,but woman like to express there feelings on a physical level.

Your doing yourself an injustice.. you sound like a nice women,I know lots of gay women who are strong,beautiful and successful... theres plenty of fish in the sea,your looking in the wrong places...

Your going to keep going around in circles and end up being the friend,your going to keep getting hurt,and the straight women you like will keep going back to you for the support.. you getting nothing in return.

When a relationship is over,with no hope of a future,I always suggest no contact... and I'm going to give you the same advice... if you find yourself in the friend space after a relationship,go no contact... its the only way to get perspective and heal from a cycle of broken relationships.

Take the time to reflect... and find out what it is you want from a relationship.

[Synnen]

I am bi--but I STILL go to my female friends for support.

I love my husband, the emotional connection is there--but there are some things that he just doesn't GET.

I think MOST females have a small core group of female friends that they lean on intellectually and emotionally. That's called "friendship".

If these women are NOT touching, kissing, cuddling--they're not really interested in a relationship with you.

How about trying to connect with some single, lesbian women instead of straight women? Looking for someone that is attracted to YOU, and ALL of you, including your sexuality would be a good start on having healthier relationships.

That being said--draw boundaries with the women in your life. You aren't there for when THEY want a fling. You may be there to be their friends, but not to be used. Stand up for yourself and draw lines.

[Cat1864]

This may sound a bit harsh, but it is not meant to be.

I don't think you are ready for a long-term committed relationship. You are on some level of consciousness getting involved with women you know are not going to be with you for very long. I think you have been getting caught up in the chase and then trying to convince yourself that you really wanted more or that you can change their nature. Did you choose to be a lesbian? You seem to be thinking that the women you get involved with can choose not to be heterosexual.

Slow down and look at what you really want in a relationship. Get involved with people who already share your basic needs and desires not people who you have to 'convince' to try your 'lifestyle'. I think you will be much happier.