[scubamage]

My ex is 23, I am 25. We had been together for 13 months, the longest relationship she and I had ever been in. When everything started it was all wonderful, we were head over heels in love. However, after about 7 months she started to get more and more distant. About this same time, coincidentally, she had started taking antidepressants because of panic attacks which put her in the hospital.

Anyway, by the time our 1 year anniversary rolled around, she seemed both emotionally and physically apathetic towards our relationship. A few weeks later I got her alone in her car and asked what was wrong. She was distant all the time, she wasn't excited to see me ever. It just felt like something was wrong. She told me that "I love you is so cliche.... I don't think I'm in love with you." I told her we should take a break. We tried to go our separate ways, but ended up having some explosive arguments. We finally managed to get to a truce where we were OK, but we still really didn't talk much. This was in... late July? Maybe August? I felt that she'd lied to me by telling me she'd loved me all those months when she didn't. I felt used, and strung along.

Between then and now I've just been living life. I've dated a few people, nothing serious. I don't really know what's gone on in her life, but I know she's gone off her meds because she didn't like how they made her feel.

Well, because of some drama between some of our mutual friends, we got pulled together a few days ago. While discussing it, I said, "Hey, lets go out for a drink?" We hung out a day later. It was fun and we just got caught up a bit. We ended the night hugging and I told her that I had missed her, and was glad to have one of my best friends back. Afterwards, she sent me a text saying "I wasn't sure what to expect from tonight, but I'm glad I came out."

We hung out again about 2 days ago. Went to a diner, drove around aimlessly, then came back to my apartment to play with the pets we had gotten together which I'd kept. We hug and she leaves because she has work. About 20 minutes later I get a text saying, "I don't know what to feel right now. I feel like seeing you is going to lead to me hurting you." I told her that there's nothing wrong with catching up, and life is too short to worry about something that has not happened and may never happen. Further, I said that I had really missed her and was just glad to have her back around.

A few minutes later I get a phone call - "Please, please don't hate me. Just come outside. This is so stupid." I walk outside and she her parked with her blinkers on. She walks straight up to me, grabs me and pulls me into possibly the most passionate kiss she'd ever given me. She turned and walked back to her car and drove off.

I got more texts then telling me that it was so stupid, and she's confused. She felt she just complicated everything. I told her she didn't. She realizes she's bad at this whole relationships thing. And then she said she doesn't see herself as ever being someone's girlfriend. But she wanted to let me know that she has always loved me, and can't imagine ever not loving me. She said she's clueless about what she wants and what she feels. I told her to stop worrying about labels and just live life. Whatever happens happens. She said that she doesn't want to hurt me, and I said "It's hard to get hurt when you have no expectations."

Thing is... I was trying to comfort her because I know she felt exposed. Fact is, I thought I was finally over and then there she is again. I still love her, or at least I think I do. After the breakup I did a lot of reflecting over our time together and there were things which weren't always so good. So I'm not sure where I stand. Further, I'm wondering if her meds had anything to do with stuff falling apart. I'm wondering if I should just push her away.I'm wondering if her parents fidelity problems are the root of her being afraid of relationships... just lots of thinking on my part.

We're supposed to get together Friday for a movie and to talk. I just don't know if I want risk falling for someone again who may just flake out again. I decided we're going to watch 500 Days of Summer (a friend has a bootleg). I think it may help her out?

I don't know what to feel right now, and I don't really even know what my question is. Can anyone help explain this a little? Advice? Tips?

[youngawd]

Hello My Friend

First of all, I think you are very grounded. I was raised in a family of psychologists and psychiatrists. (I think they used me as their test subject). You have to ask yourself the question. Do I want this person in my life? And do I want her as a friend or a lover or both? Be aware that she has issues that you will not be able to solve. She is on meds for a reason and it has nothing to do with you or how you act with her. Sometimes you meet someone who is just a deep well and you will never be able to fill it. Her needs are outside of what you have to offer - and that is no reflection on the individual that you are. I think she is troubled beyond repair at the moment and she has more or less expressed that to you in her confusion. What you have to do above everything else, is look after you and your own emotions and mental wellbeing. If you can be objective, then keep her in your life as a friend and make that perfectly clear to her. And take this from an old hand - you do not sleep with friends. Most of my friends are men - and I do not sleep with my friends. That is the most quick way of losing a good friendship. Put that on the shelf and find someone you can be intimate with. If you don't draw the line, you will burn out on this individual. And I think it would be way cool for your to find someone who truly appreciates what a great guy you are. Don't waste on someone who does not know what she wants or where she is going. Be a friend instead.

Christine Rome

[2ndTime]

You both are so young, yet you are so serious. Nowadays, people start taking things seriously near their 30's. If maybe that her medication is playing a certain role, but it may also be that she doesn't want a serious relationship because she's still young. She may just want to play around. As far as the movie, if you really don't want to fall in love with her, than don't go to movies alone, but invite bunch of friends and sit away from her. Than she'll get the idea. If she calls you or talks to you about it than you tell her that you are ready for a relationship based on love, but she's not. Tell her you don't want to get hurt again.

[artlady]

She sounds very confused and her erratic behavior reflects that.

If she needs medication but it was making her feel worse she needs to find a medicine that will be effective for her.

There is often a lengthy time of trial and error with medication but once that balance is found it can change peoples lives for the better.

Dating someone with a mental illness is a challenge that many people find they can't handle.
The disease takes priority and it's a difficult road.

Protect yourself emotionally and don't have unrealistic expectations for a relationship.In other words,don't wear your heart on your sleeve.

Take it slow,keep the talk light and know that whatever issues broke you up have not been automatically fixed by your time apart.The issues are still there.

It sounds like a lot of work and so I would proceed with caution,if at all.