[mumtosix]

If you read my other thread my mind is on the brink of giving up - the most worry on my min is the house I live in -


During a period my rent got into arrears - I went along to court and was ordered to pay £3.35 per week. All OK - except since last year we have had another child and the house is over crowded - the Housing people say they will not rehouse me due to rent arrears.
It is a small 3 bedroom with 2 adults and 5 children , plus baby number 6 due in May 2010.

Am I in my right to try to at least argue my case or should I just give up?

I just can not get threw another day of living like this.

[Synnen]

Forgive me if I'm not following this completely, but are you living in subsidized housing?

And you fell behind in rent AND got pregnant?

I don't know that you're overcrowded, really.

3 bedrooms is a room to yourselves and 3 kids per bedroom.

If you're truly in an abusive relationship, then contact a women's shelter and LEAVE, taking your children with you.

If you just want to challenge the housing people, see if you can find a lawyer that will work on a sliding fee scale, or pro bono--but those are few and far between.

I don't see how you deserve a bigger place to live when you owe money on the place you live now, and because you can't figure out a way to prevent a pregnancy. Why reward you for non-payment and having another child you cannot afford (if you can't afford to keep up with your rent, you can't afford another child).

[MsMewiththat]

OP also I would add that if you are unable to keep up with the rent you are currently paying you will only fall further behind when the rent for a larger place increases. Do you have a social worker or someone that you can discuss your current situation with. It appears that you are possibly in need of a break as well, mentally. Please answer some of the questions Synnen has posted to you it will help us help you. Thanks

[mumtosix]

Ok I moved into the property with my 3 children as a single mum, I was working at the time , but did not make enough so applied for help too late , never been on benefits before so I just struggled on. Due to Housing Benefit taking so long to resolve after I did apply for help I feel into arrears - Housing Benefit did backdate so much but I was still left with an underpayment.
I met new partner and have 2 children with him and currently expecting baby number 6.

I have never stated I am in an abusive relationship??

Why did I fall behind with my rent? Basically I spent 11 years with a very abusive husband and I did leave him - yes he took all my savings cleared me out - but I managed best I could and carried on working but at the time I was not mentally stable and well guess I was not thinking straight and did not want to be on benefits so I juggled money best I could.

My partner and I receive ESA & Disability Allowance and are in receipt of housing benefit now , I too at the moment are not in the correct state of mind to go back to work, so benefits it is for the foreseeable furture.

Perhaos if I posted the email I wrote to the Housing Association it may make things a little clearer?

[mumtosix]

I am going out of my mind - literately.
I was first diagnosed with depression at 14 (took over 200 tablets) At age of 17 met my abusive ex husband for 11 years he beat me , raped me , mental tortured me. I had 3 children with this man.

Throughout the 11 years I suffered depression on and off. I had a breakdown 6 months before I let him.Not the best time to leave I guess looking back as I suddenly felt on top of the world and stopped medication and pretended life was fantastic.

I moved home ( ex was meant to pay rent for first 3 months but never did - they chased him for months and in the end I signed and agreed to pay it)I also fell into arrears of £600 due to Housing Benefit not backdating enough.I should have appealed as CAB looking back over it said I would have been entitled to it , but I never did.I wanted to prove I could do it alone.

I met new partner and within 6 weeks fell pregnant - I was still ill of course yet felt guilty to feel so low as I was meant to be so happy now - the poor little women who left violent relationship I felt all eyes on me.So I struggled with feeling down but the feelings I get when on a high mood kept me going.
After having my daughter I felt high as a kite and just wanted to do it again I wanted the perfect pregnancy ( all 4 had been hard first 3 I was beaten daily and 4th gave me health problems direct from the years of beatings )

So I got pregnant straight away - please do not judge me - I id not know what I was doing all I knew was I needed the high feeling and was sure a good pregnancy would give me that - very wrong!

After having my baby who is now 6 months old I find myself 13 weeks pregnant again - am I happy - I have convinced myself I am not pregnant I do not have any symptoms - I have denied the pregnancy.

Am I crazy - to the outside world yes I prob do look that way - all I know is these high periods I could take on the world and reality goes out the window.

It is when I hit the ground with a thud do I look back and think what the hell have I done.

I know people will judge me - perhaps the main reason I am so scared to speak to anyone about how I am truly feeling.

I have so much other stuff going on I just try to pretend I can deal with it.
Sorry to rant I just wanted to give you an honest insight so you are able to help if you can.

[Synnen]

I misunderstood that your abusive relationship was in your past, and not with your current partner.

That doesn't answer the question as to why you were not on birth control if you couldn't afford another child.

I really suggest that you talk to the housing association about what your options ARE, not about what options you WANT.

[Synnen]

You sound manic-depressive, to me.

Please see a doctor, because life does not need to be a series of highs and lows--which is exactly how you are living yours.

Making decisions in either your manic phase (where you think you can conquer the world) or your depressive state (where the world has conquered you, and you're just waiting for something ELSE bad to happen) is NOT a stable mindset. You're not thinking clearly because you're not in a stable frame of mind.

Please go to a doctor and get that part of your life straightened out before making any other serious decisions.

[MsMewiththat]

You really need to seek assistance for your state of mind. Please share with a Dr what youhave written here and your feelings. There may be more benefits for you in your current state. Stop excusing or using your mental state as an excuse and get help.

[mumtosix]

This is the email I sent to the housing people - I am not demanding a house - I would just like to be able to go onto the waiting list ( knowing it will take years for a 4 bed house as there are only 5 that they own.By which time The arrears will be cleared but if house comes up in meantime I miss out -

I am a tenant of xxxxx Housing Association I moved into the property June 2007, as a single mum with 3 children. I now have a partner and 2 extra children so the property is now home to 2 adults and 5 children, I am also expecting my 6th child in May 2010. The size of my family proves problems in itself with 7 people living in a 3 bedroom property.



My tenancy states a total of 5 can reside in the property. We have the following living here –

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

I have asked to join the waiting list in my area for a larger property but have been refused.

As a result of the arrears I was ordered by the court to pay £3.35 per week and I became unemployed simply as I could not afford to pay the rent any other way.

I have been paying £3.35 each week and from the dates 13th March to 6th November a total of £117.25 should have been, the total I have actually paid is £150.25. An overpayment of £33.00.I have paid as agreed for over 9 months now so surely this proves I am reliant when paying back my arrears. We have an income of Employment & Support Allowance & Disability Allowance; I can not afford to pay off a large amount to reduce these further.

Yes I have rent arrears but my social living situation is proving unbearable, there are not many 4 bed roomed properties in my area which is why I am asking for my application despite the arrears that I be accepted onto the housing waiting list as I know it could take a long time for a property to become available.

Bedroom 1 = 128sq m - floor area 110 sq feet (10.2 sq metres approx) = 2 people

Bedroom 2 = 125 sq m - floor area 110 sq feet (10.2 sq metres approx) = 2 people

Bedroom 3 = 70sq m - floor area 70 - 89 sq ft (6.5 - 8.4 sq m approx) = 1 person



In reality when you look at floor area you can see as most of the space is taken up with beds/ wardrobe/drawer set / cots the space we have is –

Bedroom 1 = 49.37sq m

Bedroom 2 = 45.21sq m

Bedroom 3 = 20sq m

Partner is receiving treatment for depression , anxiety and panic attacks

· Partner also has 3 other children who can not come and stay with us due to lack of space – he has not seen his children for a considerable amount of time – court proceedings are underway

· Partners heath is seriously unstable as he is also Diabetic .He receives Disability Allowance both The Mobility and Carers Allowance is awarded due to the severity of his illness.

· Due to his illness partner needs constant support and supervision and he does not sleep well thus waking the 2 younger children who have to sleep in our room due to lack of a spare room.

· I have a 16 year history of mental illness and although my last episode was 2 years ago the stress is causing me to become ill.

· Children’s school work is suffering

· Children argue and fight on regular intervals

· Children ask to live with father (eldest 3 ) (due to his violence nature this can not be allowed to happen)

· Children become upset and frustrated that they can not have any quiet time or a place to be alone.

· My 6 year old son has become very aggressive towards his siblings and also has problems at school the local authorities are involved and he has been assessed. Psychologist intervention was advised.

· Children are always tired as we swap beds most evenings just to try and get some sleep

· Children have been bullied at school mainly my eldest daughter (usually as she can never return the favour of having friends sleep over or come to play due to not having any personal space)

As you can see I am living in unsuitable living conditions and my argument is although I have rent arrears surely the most important aspect should be that of my family’s health and not decided upon by my financial position. I feel dismay to learn that couples with 3 children are given 4 bedroom properties when I have an even larger family and need, but I am not even allowed to be on the waiting list as I have financial problems.

[mumtosix]

I know I need medical help , but I am terrified they will suggest I am not able to look after my children , what with partner being depressed too - to be honest I think its my moods that have made him depressed.

I am going to go and see the GP tomorrow things is here you never see the same one and I find it so hard to talk to someone I do not know ( I have always been ashamed about my feelings) But for everyone's sake at least I can try.

[mumtosix]

I received a reply on another thread I started about my feelings - and it was also suggested I may suffer manic depression. I have since looked it up and it seems like I have written down everything I feel. I even did one of those online tests - If you scored 25 chances were you were manic depressive - I scored 60.
I will most def make an appointment to see GP.I am scared of what I have become.

[MsMewiththat]

The best thing that you are doing is getting some help. The letter you wrote to your housing agency could be damaging.If they feel you have too many people living in your home it could very well be grounds for being asked to leave? Problem is I think you are under the impression that you are entitled to this housing. Please tread lightly and understand that in this economy housing is not promised to every family JUST BECAUSE. Please be happy for what you have and what is within your reach and get that help. That will aid in assisting you with feeling less anxiety. You may want to reach out to your housin authority and explain to them you were experiencing a temp. set back and ask them to forgive the letter you have written.