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HygHty · Nov 6, 2009, 02:54 PM

I've been friends with a guy for almost 10 years. In the past 4 years or so we've tried to be more then friends. It was casual and fun ;). Neither of us had any desire to get into a serious relationship. We live in different states and are both very committed to our careers at the moment. The relationship eventually became strained because both of us have want more then just an ongoing fling, but never at the same time. So I stopped the relationship a year ago because it was never meant to be stressful. Now we've become friends again and he has been hinting at wanting a friends with benefits situation. Can a long distance, casual, open relationship be successful?

spitvenom · Nov 6, 2009, 02:58 PM

I have only had it work one time. It was for a year. We never talked on the phone we never hung out never went on dates. One of us would call the other go to the house do what was needed to be done maybe gets some take out and then leave the next day. There was no friendship there was no hanging out nothing.

The girls who I was actually friends with and tried the friends with benefits didn't work because we actually cared about each other as friends before we started having sex. That is when you get messed up.

I wish · Nov 6, 2009, 04:13 PM

If you are on the same page, then it doesn't matter.

But if ONLY one of you is hooking up with the other person in hopes of something more serious one day, then that person is bound to be extremely disappointed.

FlyingViper · Nov 6, 2009, 06:19 PM

Hi HygHty,
In my opinion, you can have a successful long distance casual relationship -- if, and only if you understand and accept that:
a) he will be seeing other girls
b) you will be meeting other guys -- some of whom you might want to become intimate with.

I have had relationships like that in the past. I think it's really important for young people to experiment and explore. However, be responsible, and respectful of the other person. Make sure it's clear to both people that there is no commitment. Do not expect them to remain loyal to you. If you can manage the latter, then I think this kind of relationship is okay.

HygHty · Nov 7, 2009, 07:55 AM

Thank you all! I think I'll sit down with him and explain that it is just casual and I don't want a commitment. If he is okay with that and feels the same way, then I'm excited to continue. Wish me luck ;)

FlyingViper · Nov 7, 2009, 12:15 PM

Good luck HygHty! Let us know how it goes!

rosemcs · Dec 1, 2009, 09:15 PM

Just don't let your heart get hurt. Usually, FWB end up that way.

talaniman · Dec 2, 2009, 05:42 PM

Seems someone always gets hurt because if one partner wants more than just FWB, then there is conflict.

makapuu · Dec 3, 2009, 01:03 AM

A friends with benefit situation will work as long as both parties are not looking for anything more. I once knew a happy couple in that situation. He knew she was "not the one", but the benefit$ were good. I think she also used her money to keep him happy, but he eventually chose love over money and they broke up.

Gemini54 · Dec 3, 2009, 01:13 AM

I wouldn't do it.

It didn't work the first time, what could possibly make it work now?

You wanted more before, it will happen again.

HygHty · Dec 4, 2009, 11:25 AM

Well thanks for all your advice. I did talk to him about it and the majority of you were right! He was excited to try again and I explained that I wanted to keep it casual... Before we even saw each other I got another phone call and he said he did have deeper feelings and wanted to try dating. So I made it clear that we're going to stay JUST friends, NO benefits. I guess one person will always end up wanting more than the other at some point. I'm really glad he was honest with me before someone got hurt.

jmw0713 · Dec 4, 2009, 11:39 AM

Keep it at friends then.

Friends with benefits only works if you are willing and accepting of the certain possibility of losing that friend.

Devorameira · Dec 4, 2009, 11:47 AM

I'd stay away from that one. Why not just get out and find a "special someone" that has a possibility to build a future with? I think you're just setting yourself up for pain.

Gemini54 · Dec 4, 2009, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by HygHty

Well thanks for all your advice. I did talk to him about it and the majority of you were right! He was excited to try again and I explained that I wanted to keep it casual... Before we even saw each other I got another phone call and he said he did have deeper feelings and wanted to try dating. So I made it clear that we're going to stay JUST friends, NO benifits. I guess one person will always end up wanting more than the other at some point. I'm really glad he was honest with me before someone got hurt.

Yep. It was just going to be a repeat of last time.