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waynechriss · Oct 31, 2009, 09:14 PM

I've been dating my lady for a year and her friends have been huge issues for me over that time frame. Most (if not all) like her more than a friend, flirt or have flirted with her, or have tried to take her away from me. She has many guy friends (90% I'd say) and I have a lot of gal friends. With me though, none of my friends flirt with me and I don't do the same. Other than the occasional hug, I don't do anything with my lady friends that she would not like.

However my girlfriend isn't the same with her friends. They are always doing something I don't like or feel comfortable with and its happened so many times. I had to tell her to get rid of two friends who took it too far (tried to manipulate her to date them instead of me, talked trash about me, touched her inappropriately and threatened me). Even now I'm still in a dilemma where she has a best friend who is in love with her (clearly doesn't hide it as he justifies every nice thing he does for her is out of his love for her xp) and plenty of other guys doing what they do xp. My girlfriend is not a flirt, she is the sweet innocent shy overly nice girl.

We don't go to the same school and she lives way across town so we see each other only a couples of times here and there and I can't simply find these guys and give them a piece of my mind. Might I add we are both insecure xp. What can I do to help this debacle without being controlling xp

ChihuahuaMomma · Oct 31, 2009, 10:48 PM

If she can't set boundaries with her friends, respect you enough to correct their actions, or just plain ditch them if they can't respect her and your relationship then you need to think twice about if this is someone that you want to be with. Is this a recent thing or has it been happening for the past year and a half?

talaniman · Nov 1, 2009, 05:16 AM

Just curious, how are you finding out about what these guys are up to?

waynechriss · Nov 1, 2009, 06:36 AM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

If she can't set boundaries with her friends, respect you enough to correct their actions, or just plain ditch them if they can't respect her and your relationship then you need to think twice about if this is someone that you want to be with. Is this a recent thing or has it been happening for the past year and a half?

This has been going on the entire relationship with her friends both old and new. One time I helped reunite her and her best friend, only to hear him flirt with her over the phone and I'm just like -_____-

The thing is its like she doesn't know what to do. If I never expressed my discomfort, these guys would keep doing what they are doing. More often than not I have to tell her, stop talking to this guy, he's talking trash about me, or stop talking that guy, he always tries to grab your .

Sometimes we fight about this, she tells me I'm becoming controlling and I hate it when she says that because its not my fault all her friends want to jump into her pants. Its happened so many times with so many friends its just laughable, how she can't make a single guy friend be just a friend to her.

talaniman: She tells me the things that happens with her and her guy friends like when we talk about each other's days. Either that or I talk to them myself and get the truth. She has never lied to me when she tells me something, so she does tell me what these guys try to do to her and stuff.

talaniman · Nov 1, 2009, 07:01 AM

Dude, if you cannot trust your girlfriend to handle her business, and if your not secure in yourself to let her, then you have no business in a relationship with this female.

She seems to be straight up, and honest, so you let her deal with these guys, and stop worrying.

This is not something to stress a relationship over, at least not to me. Maybe your best bet would be to tell her what your feelings when she tells you about the antics of these guys, but then she would stop telling you.

Me, I let this go, and deal with more important things that this may be distracting you from.

paxe · Nov 1, 2009, 07:16 AM

Go to the gym and work on your "death face". It worked for me lol.

You have to be more assertive next time. If she goes out with them, ask if you can come in a very happy polite manner. Once you're there, become buddies with them and affirm yourself. You have to show you're an alpha male. Trust me, they will calm down after that.

Cat1864 · Nov 1, 2009, 09:00 AM

How old are both of you? Age and maturity seem to be sadly lacking in this relationship.

Instead of you setting ALL the boundaries in the relationship and deciding who she can and can't be friends with, you need to sit down with her and have a calm discussion about what behaviors are not welcome. Work together to set reasonable boundaries for both of you. If you can't, then both of you need to find other people.

I think you also need to calm down about how you react. It almost sounds like she is getting feedback by telling you about what these guys do and say. I would almost bet that you interrogate her about every little detail (or did until she got used to just telling you everything) then over analyze every action and word to justify your jealousy. Then you go looking to confront them. Bad way to give your girlfriend attention. It's a game that neither of you can win.

waynechriss · Nov 1, 2009, 09:42 AM

Sorry but I don't need you to belittle me to the idea of interrogating her. We've been talking about this throughout our time together and it just so happens that new faces come up and old habits are hard to kill. Is it my fault she has boys trying to put their hands on her? Half the time I try to be passive about it but they become so bothersome and so out of line I get upset when nothing happens.

Interrogation? If you are posing me as the bad guy here then that is not my problem.

talaniman · Nov 1, 2009, 10:00 AM

Geez dude, don't over react. Cat wasn't belittling you, just pointing out that you maybe taking this whole thing to far.

She was only telling you to tell your g/f when people put their hands on her in an unwanted way to take appropriate actions, and handle her business.

Pay attention as she may like keeping you hot, and fired up, and ready to defend her honor. That's something you need to work out between you, before you go looking for trouble.

Or maybe she wants you to realize she CAN handle herself without you!!!