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coco_neal · Oct 29, 2009, 08:47 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a over a year now. When we first started dating our sex life was great. He had some major life changes that came about early in the course of the relationship (he got laid off from his 8 year job, had to move out of his house, was unemployed for a few months, had to get a new job, started going back to school, his dog died, and we moved in together). We stopped having sex regularly when he moved in with his friend and I moved in with my parents. He claimed that he was uncomfortable because we didn't have our own space. So when we finally got back on track, we moved in together and have only had sex twice since we've moved in together (and that was four months ago). He claims that he thinks it may be erectile dysfunction or that he may be depressed. He doesn't really watch what he eats (but he's not overweight), he doesn't exercise, he smokes cigarettes and pot, and drinks. I have bugged him about the issue for quite some time. We have conversations weekly, sometimes daily. I don't want to nag him about the issue, but something has to give. I'm 26 and he's 28. We're too young for this. I'm tired of feeling unwanted by the man I sleep next to every night. I believe that I could spend the rest of my life with him, but if he's not willing to help himself for US then I don't think I should continue this relationship. Any thoughts? Oh, and he did go to the doctor last week. Dr. told him to exercise and quit drinking for a week then come back after that. Doesn't seem like something a doctor would tell you to do.

talaniman · Oct 29, 2009, 09:00 AM

That's exactly what the doctor would say, before he prescribes anything. Don't jump to conclusions yet, as he is making an effort. Wait and see what happens in a week, and see what the next step is.

Exercise is a great stress relief, and can make a difference. Stress and depression, can kill the libido of anyone and he has been through a lot.

Another thing is don't take his problem as your rejection, its not. It's a problem to deal with that's all. I don't think its about you at all.

jordyadele · Oct 29, 2009, 01:21 PM

Sex is not everything in a relationship. I can see how you might be frustrated that he's been stressed out lately. This is something that you two should talk about, and not just casually. Take time out of your day to just sit down for an hour and talk about it. Bring up any concerns that you have. Also, make sure that he answers your questions clearly. This is obviously making you nervous and you should be comfortable bringing it up to him. See what he says about it and take it from there.

jaime90 · Oct 29, 2009, 07:20 PM

I agree with jordyadele. Sex should not be everything in your relationship. Try to focus on things that could rekindle the spark you used to have. Practice good communation, and hearing each other out. If you love each other and do these things, and relationship basics 101 (show affection, be honest, trust each other, etc,) things will soon fall into place.

Gemini54 · Oct 30, 2009, 01:15 AM

If the sex is problematic, then I can assure you the relationship will, eventually, become problematic.

Yes, sex is not everything - but if it's not good, or one partner wants it a lot more than another, or one partner doesn't want it then sex does become very important and it affects the relationship.

By all means wait to see what happens. Hopefully he will make an effort to get to the bottom of the problem. (Get him to stop smoking the weed as well.)

But 'the rest of your life' is a long time when you're only 28. Will you still feel as patient with his lack of libido in 10, 15, 25, 35 years time?