[caper2009]

Hi I am new to this site and would like to get some advice! Over the last little while I have been having feelings for my husbands best friend. I don't know if its lust or just something deeper. I know I am the only one that can figure that out... We never been anything else then just friends, we did not once go beyond that! He does not know that I have feelings for him, nor do I wish to tell him! I love my husband so much and cannot understand why this is happening. I pray every night to get him out of my mind, but nothing seems to work. I really have no idea what to do, I would never tell him nor act upon the situation. I feel like I am betraying my husband for this, and I didn't even do anything. I feel really bad over this. I am looking for advice on this situation. I have been living with this secret for quite a long time and no one knows anything. I live with it everyday and its extremely hard especially when I see him. I wish it would just all go away! :confused:

[artlady]

Sometimes we just can't help a sexual attraction to someone.It just happens.

It could be pheromones or the way he moves or something so subtle that its hard to pinpoint but we know when it is there.

I felt the same way about a guy I worked with once in a restaurant,so much so that I could not get over it and I ended up quitting my job.

I did not like the feeling of guilt I had over feelings that I seemed to have no control over.I was confused and it was not fun at all.

It seemed the more I tried to push those feelings away ,the more they surfaced.The only thing I can suggest is to try to distance yourself from him as much as possible.

If he comes to your home,find some busy work to do.
Remind yourself that you love your husband and continue with the prayers.
Try not to beat yourself up.

[Survivor07]

Hello and welcome.

How much time do you spend with this friend and how long have you been married?

Are you just physically attracted or is it more?

Are your needs being met by your husband? Meaning, are you bored, lonely?

You don't need to answer these if you don't want to. They're just something to think about.

I would just suggest not seeing this friend so much while you figure it out.

I think it is normal to be attracted to other people when you're married, and if something is not right in a marriage and you start to feel emotionally bonded to the person you're attracted to, that's a red flag that the marriage needs attention.

[Alty]

Sexual attraction isn't limited to one person, otherwise we'd all find just one person and live our lives in bliss, never looking elsewhere.

The thing is, this sound like it's just sexual attraction. You have a bond with your husband, you made a commitment to him, you obviously love him. I can tell by your post that you're not willing to throw that all away just to have a fling with someone you're attracted to.

These things come in go in our lives. No one is immune to attraction. That's a sad fact. It's how you deal with that attraction that matters.

Don't feel guilty, you haven't done anything to feel guilty for. What you can do is reconnect with your husband, admit to yourself that you are attracted to his friend and then realize that no good can come out of letting yourself follow that attraction.

Remind yourself why you married you husband. Have some fun, go out, do something you haven't done in a while. It may be as simple as feeling a bit neglected or going through the loss of the honeymoon stage.

Don't give yourself to a moment of passion, remember your commitment and the person you love enough to commit to, your husband. :)

[Cat1864]

The only thing I will add to the great advice you have gotten so far is to be careful around alcoholic drinks. They have a way of lowering inhibitions and causing people to do extremely self-destructive acts or say things that can never be taken back.

One question to think about, does he remind you of your husband before you got married? In other words, are you attracted him as a 'person' or as a 'personification' of memories and perhaps fantasies?

[talaniman]

Relax, Caper, and stop the guilt. Its perfectly normal for humans to be attracted to each other, married or not. I don't think you do yourself justice by letting those feelings make you feel bad. The truth is its not the feelings that are important, because everyone has them. What counts is what you do, or don't do about them.

Mature people enjoy them, but NEVER cross the lines of good behavior, because of them. That's what separates us from the animals, and immature humans, we make a choice that directs our ACTIONS, based on facts and not just feelings.

That's what you should always remember, never beat yourself up over your feelings, just make choices for yourself, about how you conduct yourself, and deal with Yourself.

Stay within the boundaries you set, and enjoy all your friends, and just be a good human.

So drop the guilt, and be good to yourself. I think you deserve that.

[caper2009]

[HIQUOTE=Survivor07;2034392]Hello and welcome.

How much time do you spend with this friend and how long have you been married?

Are you just physically attracted or is it more?

Are your needs being met by your husband? Meaning, are you bored, lonely?

You don't need to answer these if you don't want to. They're just something to think about.

I would just suggest not seeing this friend so much while you figure it out.

I think it is normal to be attracted to other people when you're married, and if something is not right in a marriage and you start to feel emotionally bonded to the person you're attracted to, that's a red flag that the marriage needs attention.[/QUOTE]

Hi Thank you very much for you advice! I really don't spend a lot of time with him, we live in a small town and I do see him around a lot. I do not make a point to try and see him. I have been married for 5 yrs. That is what I don't know is just physical or is it more. I love my husband very much and we have a wonderful marriage, I have no complaints in any departments of our marriage. My husband works away a lot any maybe he just reminds me of him. I could be that too! I will have to figure it all out! Its something that will never be explored or figured out lol!

[caper2009]

The only thing I will add to the great advice you have gotten so far is to be careful around alcoholic drinks. They have a way of lowering inhibitions and causing people to do extremely self-destructive acts or say things that can never be taken back.

One question to think about, does he remind you of your husband before you got married? In other words, are you attracted him as a 'person' or as a 'personification' of memories and perhaps fantasies?

Hi and thank you for the great advice! Yes he does remind me of my husband very much. They both love the same things, they dress alike, everything reminds me of him. He does not have any flaws, but yet I just see his good side all the time, lol his wife might say different. We all might be going on a trip together and I don't think it's a good idea! I might just cancel. When I am with my husband and we are all together, I still feel something but not as bad. I guess I just have to deal with it and live with it! I love my husband too much to hurt him. Thanks

[Survivor07]

I think you're just attracted to him. No big deal. And no guilt either. Like Taliman said, you can't help your feelings. I suspect they'll fade in time anyway.

You're right about seeing his good side all the time, though. Picture him leaving a mess all around the house, snoring and keeping you up at night, etc. you know what I mean. And I'm sure he's got flaws, too, just like the rest of us. Take care