[LightsGalore]

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 9 months, he's 30 & I'm 23... he tells me he loves me and that he's in love with me... but, he is so selfish and I just don't know if I am being too forgiving in all of this. I always have to go to him, and he won't text me back for hours and he says he just likes his personal space and I give it to him, but when I mention things I want, they never get met. He forgot my birthday in the summer... am I joke?

[I wish]

Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean you would automatically make a good couple. If he can't provide what you want in a relationship, then it doesn't matter how deeply he feels about you.

[Survivor07]

Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean you would automatically make a good couple. If he can't provide what you want in a relationship, then it doesn't matter how deeply he feels about you.

Iwish is right on.

You are not a joke. Your needs are not being met, even after you've expressed them, which hurts your feelings, all by someone who claims to love you. It's confusing.

He needs to know he is making you feel like you don't matter to him.

Just keep in mind, you can't change a person. They can modify their behavior to meet your needs out of love and respect, but inherent personality traits will not change.

[Gemini54]

If you can see that he is selfish and it bothers you then that's your red flag.

It sounds as if you do all the work and it's not reciprocated. Good relationships are about reciprocity, compromise, care and kindness. He seems to want it all his way.

I would be very cautious about developing an ongoing relationship with this man. He sounds rigid and set in his ways. If his selfishness bothers you now, how will you feel in 5, 10, 15 years time?

[itsamor]

The guy who "loves" me is also a selfish slag... its hard to walk away cause well in my case.. he was sweet as pie in the beginning then stole everything from me, belittled me.. and everything had to be about him. He was jealous, insecure... and basically I only think he "loved" the sex.It's a tough situation and I still can't get this guy to leave me alone.. He'll beg and plead even cry to manipulate me until I give in and start thinking he cares,then he goes right back to bailing on me when were supposed to hang out and toying with my head. I'm over it. Hopefully you'll get sick of it yourself

[artlady]

You are not a joke but thinking you can turn a frog into a prince is a joke.
It is not what he says that is important it is what he shows you.
His actions and his words are conflicting.

Perhaps his idea of love is skewed but that is not your problem.

You have already lost nine months on this guy,I say its time to honor yourself and tell him to take a hike.

Remember the adage... Actions speak louder than words.His actions say he is really not that into you.

Take yourself respect back and leave him in the dust!

[LightsGalore]

I sincerely appreciate you all posting....I'm still seeing this guy...BUT, I've laid down the law and told him I wasn't feeling happy and that I needed to see what else was out there if he was treating me this way, I even went on a date with someone else...He seemed to get really rattled, hopefully this shift will stick. Thanks again, all :)

[destiny09]

By dating someone else you are playing games, trying to get him to be something he very obviously isn't. As bad as he is how would you feel if he done that to you.

If you don't want to be with him then tell him and move on, don't take a break to try out other men then go back to him!

Unfortunately no matter how much you love someone or say you love them doesn't mean its meant to be or can work... I always thought as long as you loved each other you could do anything, go anywhere, put up with everything because love will get you through BUT love will only take you so far, if he is a bad man who shows you the opposite of love then saying he loves you counts for nothing I'm afraid!