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Spanky88 · Oct 15, 2009, 05:04 AM

I have been married for a long time now and we have been through the up's & downs of a marrige, but here lately my wife has no interest in sex at all or doing pretty much anything... She says she loves me, but shows me NO affection at all, besides a little kiss in the evengings... We are both under 50 and enjoy having drinks and riding motorcycles, but besides that it's like we are stuck with nothing else in common anymore... How can I spice things up for the both of us? I know we are getting older, but heck life goes on and I don't want to lose my marrige because my wife has no sexual drive or romance anymore. Before someone gets on here and says that there's more to marrige than just sex, I know, but it sure is a big part of it...

Thanks in Advance for any help

Cat1864 · Oct 15, 2009, 05:39 AM

There can be a lot of reasons she is disinterested in intimacy. It could be anything from depression, stress, menopause, any number of health issues, etc.

Have you talked with her? Have you tried finding new things in common? If your life outside the bedroom isn't working well, then the bedroom suffers too.

Do you show her any affection? How does she react to you making advances?

From the limited amount of information, there isn't much to advise on other than a complete check up to rule out any health concerns and to see if maybe she is in the early stages of menopause. Maybe take an honest look at the stress factors in her life and see how those might be affecting her libido. Ones to pay close attention to are lifestyle changes like children moving out, work, children in trouble, other family and friends having problems, etc.

Spanky88 · Oct 15, 2009, 06:41 AM

Thanks for your reply... You brought a few things to light for me, as she is going through menopause, our child is away @ college and her job is stressing her out at times. I will now take a different approach to this whole issue. I am maddly in Love with her after 24 years and I want it to stay that way for the rest of our lives... I was somewhat confused, but now a lot of that confusion is gone and I now have a challenge that I am looking forward to.

Here's to 24 more Happy Years!! Cheers!!

Thanks Again!! : )

Cat1864 · Oct 15, 2009, 06:46 AM

There will probably be more people and more opinions later and if you need more advice or just to get ideas, please continue to post. We will do what we can to help.

I hope everything works out.

Remember that Communication is the most important part of a relationship.

Gemini54 · Oct 15, 2009, 05:56 PM

I think the important thing is that you continue to show her that you love her, and that you be unconditionally affectionate and loving.

Why don't YOU arrange to do things - trips on the motorbikes, concerts or movies? It may all be one way for a while but she will respond eventually. Schedule weekends to yourselves. They are a great way to reconnect and you get to talk.

The other thing is that peri-menopause often affects libido dramatically. Sex can actually become a turn off. Sex can also become uncomfortable as the lining of the vagina gets thinner. You may have to get used to getting less sex, so make sure it's nice when you have it! (invest in some lube)

Don't forget about the talking - it's the best form of foreplay...