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Melissa2829 · Oct 12, 2009, 05:09 PM

Ok the story is that I have been living with my boyfriend for 6yrs and a month but have been see each other for a little more than that. We are really serious about each other and have decided to get married. The problem, my family doesn't really like him 100% because a few reasons. One he doesn't have a job right now. Two he is a very shy person around a lot of people and is not as sociable as my parents would like him to be. My mom has hinted that she doesn't want me to marry him. I am really in love with him and feel like we are soul mates and that we are made for each other, we complete one another.

Please help me because I am so excited that we have decided to go the rout of getting married and I want to share those feelings with the family that I love.

Thank you
Melissa

Fr_Chuck · Oct 12, 2009, 05:20 PM

Ok, you have lived with him for six years, has he worked most of that time ? If not, why not ?

And for gods sake you are already living with him, so what difference does that piece of paper make if you are already screwing your life up ( moms opinion )

Next if you are too scared of mom to tell her the truth, and do what you want, there is another issue to relationship problems being controlled by parents

jmjoseph · Oct 12, 2009, 05:27 PM

Is he GOOD to you?

Does he LOVE you?

Does he RESPECT you?

Will he be a good FATHER?

Will he be a good PROVIDER?

Will he be FAITHFUL?

Start with those , and then go from there.

Your mother is not going to marry him. Us parents want the very best for our children, but ultimately we have to let them go one day and hope we raised them right.

The provider part is going to be a hard sell, seeing how he is unemployed right now, and you might want to postpone the wedding until he does get work.

I wish you both the best.

jmjoseph · Oct 12, 2009, 05:42 PM

Comments on this post
Catsmine agrees: If those questions are all yes, I'll marry him. And I'm straight!

I know you are straight, and Cat says YOU are all of these things, well at least a couple of 'em.

Melissa2829 · Oct 12, 2009, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, you have lived with him for six years, has he worked most of that time ? if not, why not ?

And for gods sake you are already living with him, so what difference does that piece of paper make if you are already screwing your life up ( moms opinion )

Next if you are too scared of mom to tell her the truth, and do what you want, there is another issue to relationship problems being controled by parents

Screwing up my life? I don't know what you are talking about. What difference does the piece of paper make? A hell of a lot. The traditional way of being together. This is the way a lot of society is now days! Which I think is a good thing! Live together for a while to see if you mesh well or if you can stand each other. Yes maybe you look at it as a common law marriage but I don't really like those words to me it is a trial peiod of getting to know each other after the honey moon stage is over (the new ness of the relationship). Now knowing the real person and how they react to lives situations.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 12, 2009, 06:10 PM

No, you are missing it, your mom must think that being with him is messing up your life. So why does she not hate you living with him, living with him if he is a bum, bad for you is just as bad married or not married.

The issue is why have you lived 6 years and not already been married.

So your mom should be just as angry that you are with him, if he is not good enough to marry, since you are living together

none12345 · Oct 12, 2009, 06:14 PM

You be blunt and tell them straight up or you don't at all.

Melissa2829 · Oct 12, 2009, 06:31 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

no, you are missing it, your mom must think that being with him is messing up your life. So why does she not hate you living with him, living with him if he is a bum, bad for you is just as bad married or not married.

The issue is why have you lived 6 years and not already been married.

So your mom should be just as angry that you are with him, if he is not good enough to marry, since you are living together

Ok sorry if I missed your point. I did reread it and I was going to edit my post but I don't know how to. She doesn't hate me living with him and no she doesn't think me being with him is messing my life up. Which that doesn't really make any sense to me either. I don't know. Well not being married before 6 yrs that is hard to explain. I didn't really think of it either until a year ago or so. All I know is that I love him, He is not a bum and with the way the econemy is, it is hard to find a job now days anyway buy when he has a job he is a hard worker. We did get an engagement ring but I have told all of my family it is a beautifull promis ring. I do want to be turthfull but it is hard. I don't like "disaprooving eyes" I guess if I was to do what my parents wanted I wouldn't be seeing or living with him now. Thank you you this forum has given me the strangth to face what I am needing to face as an adult.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2009, 08:13 PM

Melissa, 'living with' someone is very different from having the legal obligations that a marriage certificate holds. I mention that simply because you should be aware that when/if you marry, it will not be the same as it is right now.

I don't know why you didn't marry years ago. I can guess that it is, in part, because of your family.

Yes, you are the one who is marrying him. However, have they seen patterns or cycles in him or the relationship that maybe you are ignoring or haven't been aware of? Have you given any thought to their concerns or have you brushed them off as being biased busy-bodies who don't know anything about you or him?

If you have really given this a lot thought (both the good and the bad that the future can hold) and are prepared to spend the rest your life (not just until divorce do part) with this person, then tell your family that, while you respect their opinions, they aren't the ones who are marrying him.