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cherrypits · Oct 8, 2009, 07:38 PM

My husband and I are married 8 years. We live 5 minutes from his parents. My family lives over 1 hour away. My mom in law is lonely, she does not work and most of her kids are out of the house. She has a constant complaint that I am not warm enough to them as family should be and that she does not see the grand kids once a week, as she liked. She is very opinionated, pushy and too involved. I am a good person, but have some resentment towards my husband for for our own small marriage issues. therefore I cannot see his mother too often, as often is not even enough for her anyway. She just expects too much. I am more reserved and independent, I feel like I need a lot of space from her. The more she expects or demands the more I feel like soliciting. We go at least once every 2 months sometimes more( that's how much I see my family) and that's how often I can prabably tolerate her. We have 4 children, they know and love her well. I need my space!

twinkiedooter · Oct 8, 2009, 07:47 PM

I have fond memories of my childhood. My parents lived one house away from his father's house. I would spend many happy hours with grandma in her home. She taught me how to write my name when I was little. I would see what grandma was making for supper and go home and see what my mother was making for supper. Invariably I ended up at grandma's for supper. I cherish the time I had with her as she died when I was 5. I did spend a lot of time with my grandfather's new bride who was a lovely, kind woman.

Try to take your kids to their grandmother's home as much as possible. Let them soak up her love for them. You can use that time away from them as "your time" and you all will benefit greatly from this. Why are you so stingy with them seeing the grandmother if she only lives 5 minutes away? I can understand the one hour away but 5 minutes is definitely not an excuse in my book.

Possibly when you share your children with her she won't be so demanding on you as she will have other interests such as the kids.

Gemini54 · Oct 8, 2009, 07:54 PM

You live 5 minutes away from your MIL and you only see her every 2 months? No wonder she's complaining.

Cut the poor woman some slack. She wants to see her grandchildren. Why can't they go over there on their own or with your husband? You don't have to go do you?

Try and put this in perspective. If you have relationship issues with your husband then deal with them, don't take them out on your MIL. She may very well be bossy and controlling but if you were less stubborn you'd get her off your back. I hardly think one visit every two months is going to impinge on 'your space'.

Work out a compromise so both of you can feel comfortable - if you don't want to see her then get the hubby to take responsibility. She is his mother after all.

cherrypits · Oct 8, 2009, 08:09 PM

Thank you for your responses, I know you guys are right it just hurts me to no end that my children can't be with my family as often. How do I get over it, I've been resentful about it all these years!

artlady · Oct 8, 2009, 08:15 PM

Originally Posted by cherrypits

thankyou for your responses, i know you guys are right it just hurts me to no end that my children can't be with my family as often. how do i get over it, i've been resentful about it all these years!!

Bite the bullet and do it.Thats all anyone can do.
If you have any faith in a higher power ask them for strength.
The fact that you want to make things better will make it better.Positive thinking creates positive action.
For real.

twinkiedooter · Oct 8, 2009, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by cherrypits

thankyou for your responses, i know you guys are right it just hurts me to no end that my children can't be with my family as often. how do i get over it, i've been resentful about it all these years!!

How do you get over it? You take the first step and actually do something about it. Stop being resentful about your family living one hour away. It's not their fault. Stuff happens. You have to remember THEY can come and visit you, you know. You don't have to go and visit them all the time. It is a two way street. You are just hurting yourself with your negative thinking. Rejoice in the fact that "someone's" parents are nearby! And not at the other end of the country! Some children have no idea who their grandparents are (or were) as they are gone and never got to know them. I always told my son that his knowing my mother was good for him growing up. My father lived 1,500 miles away and he only saw him once when he was 2 months old and spoke to him on the phone a handful of times. My husband's parents were gone so he never got to know them at all. Life is too short to hold grudges or be resentful of matters not within your control such as your folks living closer.