[helpinghand1985]

Good Morning,

This is only my second time posting on this website, and I am very nrevous, but I do know I will get some great help and answers.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 6 years now. For the first 4 years things were pereety good and well, we disagreed on some things, but for the most part we were deeply in love.

I am going to tell my whole story so you can understand everything. For some reason, I always had this jealousy problem with his family. I know sounds crazy doesn't it. I was always jeaouls of his mom and his sister. I would be jealous when we would have to go for supper and they would be soooo happy to see him, and ask how he has been and want to know all that has happen during his week. It was so redicilous of me because they would still always include me in the conversation, and ask me how I was doing as well. I would just be jealous that they wanted to talk to him, and just kind of said they missed him. I would talk as least as possible, and put on a sour face. After several times havikng done this, my b/f said why are you acting like that? This is stupid, it's my mother and sister. I then realised that I needed help, so I decided to go see someone about it, and it did begin to help me come over that jealousy. Since then things have been so so between my boyfriend and I. January 2009, he started a new job. The job takes up all his time, he works long hours is very stressed with his new job, and is not sure if he is happy there. With all this, I think he is starting to realise this is how life is, work hard, and not much play. The passed 5 months between us have been terrible. He comes home unhappy, not happy to see me, I feel like his passion for me is gone, he has no interest in me, or anything much of that matter. I ask him what's wrong, he says to leave him alone,. or now is not the "right" time to talk. I then get upset, and walk away, and that's when it all starts he says I'm mean, and he's not sure about us anymore, maybe I should just leave. Now the things that scares me the most is the time that he is his best, and sweet to me, is when he drinks. He loves his beer and he knows, that once he has a few, he cannot stop. I talk to him about it, and he says "it really is the only thing that makes me feel good right now.... stop bicthing and telling me to stop".
I am lost on what to do, six years is a very long time to be with someone, I am not a very independent person. I need that someone there, thinking about not being with him makes me sick to my stomach. But... then again... I feel like all the signs are there... he's out of love, and I am hanging on that thread for deal life. I am tearing all over my keyboard as I write this, I'm dying inside. I keep saying maybe he is just depressed, and I am the first person he sees when he comes home... but then again how long can that go on for? I am helpless... I would rather DIE then be without him... but I am miserable with how he is acting right now... I'm screwed either way. I would do anything to get things back to normal again.
If anyone has something to let me know please do...

[shihouzhuge]

Hi, I'm sorry for your saying that.I'm not good at English ,but I want to tell something about you.

In my opinion, may be he is tired with his job, or his job stress him so much.

To my knowledge,an expert has said that love maintains 3 years only, in other words,you have to be a member of his family.
When you do that, he couldn't leave you as you're his relative. Just be as easy as you are, and you'll make him easy...

[LearningAsIGo]

It sounds like in the beginning, you were very insecure which caused you to feel jealous of his family, etc. Do you feel that you've improved since then?

I can understand that you feel like you'd "DIE" without him, but that's coming across as insecure to me as well. You'll have to ask yourself honestly if you are with him out of love... or fear of being without him.

If the answer is love, be patient and work through it with him. If he's not willing, that may be your answer--that its time to move on.

If he's truly developing a drinking problem, there is little you can do to help him by yourself. Look into Nar-Anon to see the signs of alcohol abuse and ways to help yourself and your boyfriend get through it.