[bunyrocka]

I was seeing this guy for a while... and I was in love with him from day one. He made me feel like no other, since my previous boyfriend had cheated on me while I was recovering from ovarian cancer. I was still scarred from that past relationship and this new guy I was seeing totally swept me off my feet.

Then a dilemma arose when his ex of 2 years came back into the picture wanting him back. He was very honest with me explaining the situation and that he was confused and didn't know who he wanted more. And me being the total unselfish one told him to go back to his ex to uncomplicate things and prevent more heartache than I needed.

So he went back to her, but we still continued keeping in touch as friends even though it killed me, I swallowed my feelings for him and we had a ball just hanging out. Deep down I knew I couldn't keep doing that to myself and just waiting around and hoping he would leave her. It felt dirty. So I opened myself up to love again and love I did find.

I've been in a relationship with my current partner for 3 years now. It seemed like it was love at first site. He asked me to marry him at 4 months, and we have a beautiful 15 month old son , whom was a miracle conception considering my doctor told me I was probably sterile from chemotherapy and radiation treatments. There was no doubt in my mind that I had to have him.

The thing is I was having doubts about my relationship right before I found out I was pregnant. And since I've had the baby, my doubts have been confirmed. My current partner can be a great but most of the time he stresses me out and sometimes I cry myself to sleep. I love him but I'm not IN LOVE with him.

I feel like I should be with him for the sake of my son. And I know he would be hopeless without me. He frustrates me because he is lazy most of the time, he prefers video games than spending time with his son and I find myself cleaning up after him which puts more stress on me. He's been let go from 3 jobs in the past 4 months. And because he is incompetent and doesn't want to study to get a qualification. So now we're living on my income most of the time because he is to lazy to find a job. Sometimes I feel like I have two kids rather than one. His family love me and I don't want to hurt them. I do so much for them, yet I feel unappreciated by them half the time.

I just don't want my son to end up like me suffering depression as a teenager as a result of a broken marriage. That's why I stay with him.

The guy I was seeing before my current partner conveniently messages me one night, while I was pregnant saying he's left his girlfriend because she was cheating on him. And that he was stupid for going back to her and he realised that I was the one all along. At the time I was thinking why now? While I'm in a relationship with a bun in the oven. So since then I think about him pretty much everyday knowing he loves me. Yet I can't be with him because of my current predicament.

He's got a good job and he's currently building a house. He is everything that I dreamed of in guy. I know if we were together we would love each other forever. But I just don't want to hurt my current partner and most importantly, hurt my son . He is only 15 months old but he is so smart already and he really loves his daddy.

Do I just carry on with the life I'm living now and sacrifice my happiness and marry my baby's daddy for the sake of my child's happiness, or do I leave him and sacrifice the life I already have for the man whom I secretly long for?

I know I wrote a heap but I've really kept this all in for a long time and feel like I can't talk about it with anyone. And I need some help so I don't keep crying myself to sleep.

Thanks a bunch.
Xx

[JTS31708]

First off welcome to AMHD!

After reading your post in my opinion I believe you should stay with your current partner. Your ex all of a sudden realizes that you're the love of his life just because he got cheated on? That's not love. Your current partner however, if you feel he is lazy and just sits around all day then you should both sit down and have a talk. It isn't fair that you are the one paying for everything and looking after your son. He needs to get a job and get a career going for him or else he will be nothing. You both need to have a serious talk about your relationship and your financial stuff. The other guy that keeps texting you is just feeling bad because he left you before for his ex and she cheated on him. How do you know he won't do the same to you? Concentrate with your current partner and have a nice long talk before anything else.

Hope this helps!

[Fr_Chuck]

You should

Either

Stay with your current partner, break off all contact with ex and get marriage counseling to help communicate with current better

If you can't, you break it off with both, and learn to live without anyone and figure out what you need.

[I wish]

Pick 1 person, stick with that person and forget the other one.

If you can't pick, then you shouldn't be with either of them because that's leading them on. And that's not fair to your nor to them.

[animal_lover]

First off welcome to AMHD!

After reading your post in my opinion I believe you should stay with your current partner. Your ex all of a sudden realizes that your the love of his life just because he got cheated on? That's not love. Your current partner however, if you feel he is lazy and just sits around all day then you should both sit down and have a talk. It isn't fair that you are the one paying for everything and looking after your son. He needs to get a job and get a career going for him or else he will be nothing. You both need to have a serious talk about your relationship and your financial stuff. The other guy that keeps texting you is just feeling bad because he left you before for his ex and she cheated on him. How do you know he wont do the same to you? Concentrate with your current partner and have a nice long talk before anything else.

Hope this helps!

I agree, don't keep it all bottled up and cry yourself to sleep. Talk to your current partner try to talk it all out, everything. But I'm not sure about your ex, sudenly he loves you hen his ex cheats on him? I don't like the sound of that, yeah he might sound perfect right now but it might not be like that if you do date him. I really think you should try to work things out with your current partner.
Best of luck...

[bunyrocka]

First off welcome to AMHD!

After reading your post in my opinion I believe you should stay with your current partner. Your ex all of a sudden realizes that your the love of his life just because he got cheated on? That's not love. Your current partner however, if you feel he is lazy and just sits around all day then you should both sit down and have a talk. It isn't fair that you are the one paying for everything and looking after your son. He needs to get a job and get a career going for him or else he will be nothing. You both need to have a serious talk about your relationship and your financial stuff. The other guy that keeps texting you is just feeling bad because he left you before for his ex and she cheated on him. How do you know he wont do the same to you? Concentrate with your current partner and have a nice long talk before anything else.

Hope this helps!

Thank you so much for your precious time helping me out. I really appreciate it. The thing is I've had many many talks to my current partner about the things he needs to do to change to make our relationship better. I'm not the type to just let things carry on being the way they are if they are annoying me in a relationship. We've had plenty of deep and meaningful's. And after them he will change his ways for a few days and then eventually go back to being the same person. I even say to him, If there is something about myself that annoys him, to tell me and I will do my best to change it. But he never says anything. It concerns me because my son is starting to act like him. His aggression when he doesn't get want he wants.His mood swings. You know how kids are like... monkey see monkey do.

I keep telling him if he has issues on his mind, he can vent them to me and that I am here to listen. But he doesn't. So I don't know what's going on in his mind. I just keep thinking to myself. Maybe he will never change. And I keep saying to him, If he doesn't change I will leave him and I won't turn back, but even that doesn't seem to sway him now. He has problems facing reality. And he escapes it playing his video games. He's just comfortable with the way things are now. And to be honest with you I think it will be a long time before he wakes up and grows up.

He is 23 and I am 24. We are still young. And I just don't want to make a mistake and regretit. I've had a lot of regrets in my past. And I don't want anymore. I just want to make the right choice for once.

When we first started our relationship, after being with him for two weeks, I found out that he had only broken up with his previous girlfriend the week before. And It shocked me to find out that he had left her to be with me. And that he lied to me about being single. It makes me feel like our relationship started based on a lie. And he has lied to me on a lot of occasions and I've fallen for his lies. It worries me that someone can be such a good liar like that. Makes me think of the kind of person they are.

In the beginning of our relationship I saw all these flaws, but I guess I just ignored them and concentrated more on the good parts. I think it's because I was lying to myself, just so I could be in a relationship to get over the guy I was seeing before him . I think I just settled with my current partner, no matter how flawed he is, so that I wouldn't be alone.

And now I feel trapped. Don't get me wrong. He gave me my beautiful baby boy. But, he needs to work on himself a lot. And I can't keep picking up after him. He is a typical mumma's boy who always runs to her when he needs her for help with money and stuff. And it annoys me because I'm the total opposite. I am as independent as they come. I don't rely on anyone because then I don't owe anyone anything. Yet I help people as much as I can , because what you give is what you get in return. I give so much. And I never expect anything in return. Just appreciation I guess.

And I guess right now, I'm feeling a lot of unappreciation, I'm feeling used. Yet there are a lot of other emotions that come into it that confuse the hell out of everything.

And you know what else. It kills me that I can have a decent conversation with me current partner. Sometimes I just like having a long intellectual conversation with someone, to stimulate my brain, vent what I'm thinking about in the world today . And half the time he doesn't even try. Because I hate to say it. There isn't much intellect in him. He is more brawn than brains. Sometimes I feel stupid that I fell more for the looks than what was inside.

Its my own fault, for being so stupid in the first place. Its my mess and I guess all I really want in the end, is a result that is graceful and not messy at all.

OMG!I've written another essay!
I'm hopeless! Lol.
But thanks again for your time.
It means a lot.
Xx