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sandalwood7 · Sep 29, 2009, 06:18 PM

This is just a quick question. I would appreciate any answers especially from Mums and also people in my situation...

I am going through some tough times at the moment. In fact it is the worst time of my life right now with respect to many aspects of my life. I don't want to go into details because I don't think they are important in this case. The things I am dealing with are not of my own making. They are just life events that I have to get through.

Anyway. I have always been honest with my mum so she knows most things I am dealing with but I am scared and worried because I don't think my Mum is coping. I feel as if I am barely able to cope at the moment with my stuff but I am trying to stay strong. My Mum is so worried about me and I am concerned she is showing signs of strain. I try to reassure her that I am OK and will be OK and that I have to stay strong but she says my problems are her problems and that Mums will always worry about their kids and that she can't help it.

What do I do? I don't want my Mum to be sad/stressed because of me... I am scared to tell her anything because she worries so much... If my mum is worried/stressed about my situation then it makes me feel like I can't cope either. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated... :confused::(

redhed35 · Sep 30, 2009, 05:37 AM

I'm afraid it comes with having children... and it does not go away..

The best thing to do is keep her informed on what is going on,there is nothing worst then what your own imagination can summon.. if she is helping you solve the problems and supporting you that will help...

Mothers worry... its kind of part of the job spec.

I have 3 children.. 18 ,17, and 8.

J_9 · Sep 30, 2009, 05:52 AM

How old are you? Your age will have some bearing on the answers given.

sandalwood7 · Sep 30, 2009, 01:07 PM

Thanks guys... I am 27. My Mum is an enormous support to me always. Even though we live in different cities we talk every day...

Gemini54 · Sep 30, 2009, 08:44 PM

You can't control her worrying, you can only control your own response to it.

Perhaps you can talk to your friends and give them the 'full gory details' of what is happening to you so that your mother feels less responsible for your feelings and thoughts.

Mothers will always worry (my mother worries about my sister who is 47!), but in the end they have to trust that we have the resources and emotional maturity to cope with whatever is happening to us.

The distance is probably what makes it worse, but if you talk to her every day, let her know that her worrying about you won't change anything. It will only make her, and you feel worse. Let her know that you'd like to be able to talk to her without having to 'edit' what you think and feel and that you would really appreciate her listening.

Let her know that it stresses you when she is stressed so that she can begin to temper her responses as well. Is your father around? Perhaps he could support your mother and assist to alleviate her stress.