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dburris001 · Sep 28, 2009, 02:18 PM

I'm 20 years old and my brother (12) sister (17) and myself 20 were sat down yesterday morning and were told by my parents that they were separating. I will never forget the look on my brother and sisters face. It was terrifying and shocked and the same time. I fell to the ground and my emotions spilled out with tears. I was mad and sad at the same time. They told us that it was a mutual thing and had been going on for a year and a half now but they can't take it anymore. They said "dad was leaving but getting a place nearby but nothing is in papers....yet." is it possible they just need some time away from each other? I also can not stop thinking about it. I have been a mess. This was total shock. I had never pictured this to happen with my parents and especially there 21 years marriage. I feel as if I'm dead or have no life in me at all ever since they have told us the news. Please help me

JudyKayTee · Sep 28, 2009, 02:54 PM

It is very possible that your parents have been unhappy for some time and have now decided that you and the other children are old enough to handle the split - or, as they said, they just can't take any more of each other.

I would not second guess their decision nor would I cause them grief - they are undoubtedly already very sad about ending their marriage. Apparently they have worked out the details between themselves and are a united front where the divorce is concerned.

Only they know if they need time away from each other and then the marriage can "heal" - or if this is the end.

It is important for you (and you are no longer a child) to support each parent, both parents, and be strong for your younger siblings.

Why are you reacting in this fashion? Did you not have any idea that there were/are problems? What are you afraid of?

LearningAsIGo · Oct 2, 2009, 08:49 AM

That must have been quite a shock to your system. No doubt, it will take a lot of time to think this through and begin to understand their decision.

You have some good questions and I would encourage you to ask either 1 or both of your parents. You have a right to know certain things, but of course, this is a private decision and they don't HAVE to share intimate details with their child. However, for your peace of mind, I'm sure they'd be willing to address some of your concerns.

Be strong ~ it'll take time but eventually it'll get better. {{hugs}}

theduke2 · Oct 8, 2009, 06:44 PM

When I was Five my parents got divorced. Be glad your parents announced it to you my parents would actually get into phiscal fights and they just stopped fighting. I'm only 11 and it is hard for me. You are very luckly that it was said in a calm way. Also rember this was not you or your siblings fualt. I thought that for about a year and I lost almost all my friends and got into fights way too much.