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Be proud of yourself for being a loyal person and for being someone who dared move on when faced with this man s rubbish.
Try to eat right it s essential and get some proper sleep-try herbal teas and relaxing music before bed. Every day that passes will lessen your pain. |
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Pawn yours, and treat yourself with the proceeds, and never look back!
The ring have meant to me a lot, and I have kept it as the most precious piece, and have slept with it since he gave it to me. He gave it to me in the cruise trip on the Christmas eve, with his one knee. It was promise ring, but had a big diamond on it, and he was so proud of giving it to me. Now it became only an evidence of real ugliness, and proof of how big liar he was. I feel like... I received a nicely wrapped Christmas gift, kept it close to my heart, and finally opened it with huge expectation, but only found out it is filled with BS. He obviously trashed my heart... for nothing... it is just horrible and heart broken... tearing me a part... I am in a deep sorrow, I am not sure when and how I can get out from it... but just hope I can completely loose all the memory which reminds me the pain every minute... it is just hurting... |
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Break ups for any reasons suck. It will get better, if your busy, and proactive in the process of healing from this experience. Easier said than done, for sure. Read the stickies, there is a link in my signature for some insights, and suggestions, on dealing with these traumatic situations. |
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If the idea of getting rid of the ring doesn't appeal to you, what would you think about turning it into another piece of jewelry that would be a promise to yourself of healing and moving toward the future? You could even design it yourself.
Please, don't let him make you feel like hiding yourself away from everyone and every thing you care about. Once you start it is very hard to come back out. Some self time can be beneficial, but too much will have your thoughts running around in circles and spiraling downward. Upset feeding on anger feeding on disappointment feeding on all the other negative thoughts and feelings leave very little room for hope, happiness, laughter, and all the good feelings that help rebuild your self-esteem and respect. I know those good feelings seem so far away right now, but they are there just waiting for you to perceive them again. |
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If the idea of getting rid of the ring doesn't appeal to you, what would you think about turning it into another piece of jewelry that would be a promise to yourself of healing and moving toward the future? You could even design it yourself.
Please, don't let him make you feel like hiding yourself away from everyone and every thing you care about. Once you start it is very hard to come back out. It is just an appropriate & wonderful advice, and I appreciate your wisdom. I would take it a part, get rid of his signature, and turn it to a toe ring, so I can step on it whenever I walk around. It would be a perfect version of revenge of mine to humiliate him enough, only if he is a person who have common sense, but the size of the stone is too big for my toe, and will not happen... Unfortunately, I have small toes... ha ha The idea makes me feel better already, and I am smiling in tears... I am not hiding from people, but have no interest or energy to do anything now. I called for sick in the morning. I will stay home for a week to pass this difficult time. I think I will be better off being by myself now. For some reason, I feel so shameful, and deeply disgraced, and not too good enough to face people who know me. I am just crying, and feel so sorry for everything happened. I know I should work it out with this feeling. Thanks much for your warm heart! So nice of you. |
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Every break up is tough. Furthermore, you're still in the early stages of a break up, so it's natural to rethink all the past actions and mistakes. I suggest that you keep your mind as occupied as possible so that you DON'T have to reflect on what happened.
1.5 years is a long time. I'm sure you've had some ups and downs. If you focus too much on the downs, it will really hurt. Why not remember the good stuff and let the rest go. Be glad that you found out all these bad things about him, now, rather than later. Try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. Now you're free as a bird! Free of all the lies and deceit. |
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Why not remember the good stuff and let the rest go
Iwish, all was good until Friday. I know he was in love, he told me how amazing relationship he has until last week. He told me I was the sweetest person he ever seen always. Our sex has been bliss for both of us from the beginning till last week. I am reasonably self independent person, respected his space while I enjoyed my friends and work. What I do not understand is why he started to cheat on me while he was happy. I have been so supportive whatever he does. There was no warning sign as I try hard to remember, except he was not available every Friday since a couple month ago on and off. It cannot be all that acting... for that long, and he was very passionate & sweet to me. I am very confused what to believe and what not to believe anymore... It is really mess. |
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The were no signs of the bad things to come because he hid them really well. So be glad that you had some happy times, but also be glad that you found out the truth. It's a mess because you keep thinking about why you didn't see the signs. Part of you must feel disappointed for not being able to read through him during that 1.5 year. But like someone said earlier, better late than never.
Learn from the experience and move on. There's a lot to look forward to in life, so don't look backwards anymore. Keep your head in front, or else you're going to miss things that fly by you. I know it's tough and getting over someone is easier said than done, but it can be done! Just believe in yourself. Don't dwell on the past. Don't add to the confusion anymore. Leave it all behind you and move forward. |
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Rebecca,
This is all very fresh and new still. It's going to take time and you will feel awful for a while. A lot of what you are saying reminds me of what I went through recently. I wasn't cheated on, but was lied to and felt deceived by someone who I had previously thought was a great partner. The relationship had been great (I thought) and I saw no signs until the end. I know how much you are hurting now. I couldn't eat or sleep at first, either. I had to grieve first and felt depressed, but then I got angry. After that, I was able to accept it and knew that I was going to come out better in the end. Reading threads on here was a huge help to me. I got a lot of insight, and more importantly found ways to deal with my loss constructively. If you haven't seen this thread, it was the one that helped me in the beginning to figure out what to do. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rs-359578.html When I couldn't sleep, I came to this board and would read for hours. The posts gave me hope and helped me realize that I had done nothing wrong and I deserved better. I made notes as I read - books I wanted to read, things I wanted to accomplish, and some of the statements I read that really impacted me. I came up with a plan of how to proceed, and that gave me a lot of empowerment. It all takes time, though. It's been almost 2 months for me now, and I can truly say I am doing well. You will have setbacks, but they too will pass. I hope you will find the strength and courage to get through this and realize that you too deserve better. |
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When I couldn't sleep, I came to this board and would read for hours. The posts gave me hope and helped me realize that I had done nothing wrong and I deserved better. I made notes as I read - books I wanted to read, things I wanted to accomplish, and some of the statements I read that really impacted me. I came up with a plan of how to proceed, and that gave me a lot of empowerment.
I am so touched. I agree this board helps me a lot, actually a single source for me for now, gives me assurance & emotional support. It is good to find warm people on this board who have gone through the same path, and try to help me to get through. I would read the stories for hours just like you did to find the strength & constructive plans when I cannot sleep. Gee, I am crying again... Thanks a lot. I do not know how you pick the attached story, but guess what. He is also very obsessed with fame & fortune, career driven, and hate to loose anything in any competition. For him, everyday is a competition, and I was his best trophy he was so proud of. I treated him sweet & loyal, and I stayed in low key to comfort his stressed out ego. I never thought I would end up to be cheated! He and I both came from good family, shared a lot common interest, and had no doubt we will have great future together (as I thought). It is gone now, and it is useless for me to keep talking about it. I feel like an idiot... Right now though I hate him the most. I just cannot accept that he dare to went out with other girls behind of my back. Deception, deception and deception every Friday... not forgivable in life time. I unplugged home phone, turned off cell phone, and chained my door. My best friend at work just emailed me that he called her & asked if I was at work. She asked me what was going on. I replied to her, do not bother to talk to him in future since we are over... I need sleep, but cannot sleep... I am sort of dozed off, but wake up every 5 minute as frightened. |
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Hi all,
I have a fundamental question for you. He cheated on me for some reason. I am facing it, and accept it. If he meets someone "the real one" in future, will he be faithful? In terms, is it me or him in this cheating incident? I will appreciate your honest insight. I am scared, but am ready to accept the truth to move over without denial. |
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I agree with DerelictHerds. I don't think there is a "one". I think there are many possibilities out there for each of us, and when we find someone who is compatible it takes communication, honesty, and trust (among other things) to make a relationship work. The man you are talking about did none of those things. You did all of those things. It's him - not you. Without some major change and insight on his part, he will continue to make mistakes. He is not honorable.
I know it is difficult to sleep at first, but you need to find a way to do that, to eat healthy, and to generally take care of yourself. Make sure you eat at least three times a day, foods that are good for you, even if you don't feel like eating. I found the best way to sleep was to wear myself out - I worked harder at work, and I exercised daily (which I normally do, but as much as I wanted to lay around and feel sorry for myself I made myself exercise). If you can find something to relieve your stress, it will be really helpful. For me, it was playing racquetball - hitting that ball as hard as I could against the wall felt so good. Find a way to laugh if you can - I turned to friends, movies and even the humor section of this board. There are some really funny people here. I also laugh a lot when I play racquetball, just because I'm having so much fun. Finding the fun in life helps so much. One other thing - he's already called looking for you. Be aware that he may not give up easily. My ex hounded me for weeks. Don't let him get to you. I read my thread over many times. It gave me strength. Every time I read it, I knew I had done the right thing for me. |
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 Originally Posted by confusedrebecca
In the beginning it wasn't easy, I had diarrhea, hair loss and white hair growing ( the pain and shock was huge ). But like a robot I followed advices without thinking about it, meaning going out, doing sport and socializing. I was better after 2 weeks and so will you. Don't stay at home, go out and train and do some sport, it's probably one of the best thing that helped me cope with it. It left me deep scars, I knew I couldn't trust any future girlfriend and I would end up sleeping with them and not calling back, hence doing them lots of pain. I took my time before finding another girlfriend and I'm still taking my time and I'm taking care of myself. |
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One other thing - he's already called looking for you. Be aware that he may not give up easily. My ex hounded me for weeks. Don't let him get to you. I read my thread over many times. It gave me strength. Every time I read it, I knew I had done the right thing for me.
Thanks for your wise advice. I think it is impossible for me to go back to him no matter what he does, not because I am so perfectly determinded person, but I just simply cannot touch the person anymore. It is so disgusting. I kept washing my hands since saturdy... |
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