[xoxaprilwine]

Beginning factor of the downward spiral: I was under a lot of stress and pressure after my fire... I was fired because I couldn't pick up where I left off only a month of return after leave and was jolted by stress in high pressure environment. I couldn't handle the stress like I use to and I couldn't stay longer at work because of my child (daycare additional late fees) and for the fact that I was not getting paid to stay longer or work through my lunch. My family comes first now... before I had no children and wouldn't need to take absent days which I only had 3 allowed and 2 weeks of vacation at a cheap salary. I also had issues with two ladies at work, they would continuously come into my office and bother me with their personal issues and I asked them to leave me alone... well that didn't go over well with anyone. All I wanted is to clock in at 8 a.m. work, eat, work and clock out at 4 p.m. AND LEAVE WORK AT WORK... NO EXTRA DRAMA. I don't want additional stress at work since I was dealing with multi-million dollar contracts and had to focus my energy on them. They didn't have to deal with the load I did. I actually had my desk cleaned and a letter of resignation ready but wasn't ready to quite until I had an opportunity to find another position to be able to make a smooth transition. I also had no warning and no explanation at the time of my fire... I was an employee of his for 2 years and I was upset about the way he went about it.

What I found out: I found out that after my fire that the client fired my boss because they where not satisfied with their agreements and that my boss was charging them more then what was actually stipulated. I also found out that my ex-boss is gambling and disappears for weeks to Las Vegas. I also found out that the lady that was causing me the most grief (and became a very good friend in the past) was fired due to performance issues.

What happened: I did land on a position that paid me much, much better and a much, much more reputable place. 3 weeks vacation, 5 personal days, 10 sick days and 1 hour lunch. Plus I clock in and clock out... anything extra needs to be approved by HR. But still, my confidence was shot and I started to stick to myself and wasn't very social afraid that I would befriend someone and then be betrayed again. I feel hesitant.

I guess I am writing because in the past I have always been down to earth, balanced, understanding and rational but since my fire I haven't been the same. How do you rebuild your esteem upon return to the same area of work? Why has it affected other area's and other adult relationships? I just don't know how I can go back to my good employer when I am not even sure if I want to continue working in the same career because of the fire? Should I change my avenue of work?

[chuff]

It sounds like your previous company failed you, you didn't fail them.

We have a tendency to place value on our jobs because we put value into them, but if the value you put in is not matched, noticed, or appreciated by the employer then we take it personal. At the end of the day, a job is a business relationship and while we do take it personally, you must recognize your skills and what they offer you now, not how they were ignored in the past.

[roxypox]

I agree with Chuff!

How to rebuild confidence... well I think you might benefit from looking at why you got the position you have now... it seems to me that even though you got fired from your last job (were I agree with chuff as well; they failed you, you didn't fail them!), you must have been pretty good at what you do!

I don't know for sure, deifferent things help different people, but personally I like to estimate; and one of the things I like to estimate is the chances of me getting amazing opportunities if I was bad at what I do (at least worst then what I actually am)

e.g. you getting the job you have now... it sounds like a job that has a lot of perks and plenty of positive sides if you compare it to your old job... would you have gotten that job if you were bad at what you do?

I'm sorry if I'm kind of side tracked, If I am.. please correct me and stair me in the right direction.