Check out some similar questions!

ladybird8 · Sep 22, 2009, 08:35 PM

I have been doing the NC and have one more week to go before I can contact my ex by phone. Rule is that you cannot leave a message, you need to keep ringing (once a day is suffice) for a couple of days. If he does not answer the phone and has ID can only hope that he will ring back to see why I have rung. My question, because he works shift work it is pretty hard to determine when he will be home (this is why his message machine is on most times) and he does see my phone number on ID and doesn't ring back but instead texts me should I answer back the text or ring him. Can anyone advise on this one. Thanking you.

I wish · Sep 22, 2009, 08:39 PM

I think that you are confusing the meaning of NC.

NC is a tool to help you recover from the break up. It's not "literally" no contact and then contact the other person after a certain period.

Sounds like you still want to get back together with your ex. That would be the only reason you would break NC prematurely (i.e. before you've healed from the break up).

friend4u178 · Sep 22, 2009, 08:49 PM

That's breaking NC and just takes you back to square one.
You DON'T ring until your over your Ex and don't want to get back with him.

You'll then realise that you probably won't want to ring him then anyway.

ladybird8 · Sep 22, 2009, 08:55 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

I think that you are confusing the meaning of NC.

NC is a tool to help you recover from the break up. It's not "literally" no contact and then contact the other person after a certain period of time.

Sounds like you still want to get back together with your ex. That would be the only reason you would break NC prematurely (i.e. before you've healed from the break up).

thank you for your honesty. and yes the purpose of all this is to get back with my ex. there was no anamosity or anything like that when we broke up. I have healed from the breakup and loving myself for the first time in years (all the work I have been doing on myself over the past month or so). I feel I want to make an effort to give us a second chance if the emotion is there for both of us, if not i am all prepared to move on.

friend4u178 · Sep 22, 2009, 08:59 PM

What will you do if he doesn't ring back?

nikosmom · Sep 22, 2009, 09:06 PM

Originally Posted by ladybird8

and yes the purpose of all this is to get back with my ex. there was no anamosity or anything like that when we broke up. I have healed from the breakup and loving myself for the first time in years (all the work I have been doing on myself over the past month or so). I feel I want to make an effort to give us a second chance if the emotion is there for both of us, if not i am all prepared to move on.

You have not healed from the breakup if you're still plotting how to get back with him. True healing means that you have moved on. Means that you are not considering being with him anymore.

A relationship doesn't have to end in disaster for you to know that it's over. Whatever your reasons for breaking up aren't likely to have changed since it's only been a month.

Don't derail your healing by calling him. If it is meant that you two will come together again, let it happen naturally... don't force it by playing games.
("If I call, I won't leave a message...etc.") <----- that's playing games

If he wants to talk to you, he will call you.

ladybird8 · Sep 22, 2009, 11:02 PM

Originally Posted by nikosmom

You have not healed from the breakup if you're still plotting how to get back with him. True healing means that you have moved on. Means that you are not considering being with him anymore.

A relationship doesn't have to end in disaster for you to know that it's over. Whatever your reasons for breaking up aren't likely to have changed since it's only been a month.

Don't derail your healing by calling him. If it is meant that you two will come together again, let it happen naturally...don't force it by playing games.
("If I call, I won't leave a message...etc.") <----- that's playing games

If he wants to talk to you, he will call you.

Ok girls, I get the message loud and clear and I do agree with you all - I guess I have not moved on from him. I feel I have to give it a try though in contacting him and if he doesn't return the call or whatever then I know I have no choice but to move on. Thank you girls for your input, I will take it on board.

nikosmom · Sep 23, 2009, 09:10 AM

Originally Posted by ladybird8

Ok girls, i get the message loud and clear and i do agree with you all - i....... thank you girls for your input, i will take it on board.

Actually I'm the only girl, the other 2 are guys ;)

talaniman · Sep 23, 2009, 10:47 AM

Just wait until the agreed time is up. No I'm not a girl. :rolleyes:

amicon · Sep 23, 2009, 11:03 AM

Let us know how you get on.
And good luck. ( I'm a girl).

combat40 · Sep 23, 2009, 11:34 AM

Good luck, I'm going through the same process and I got confidence that it will work out, hope it works for u

Cat1864 · Sep 23, 2009, 01:08 PM

Ladybird, I am glad you think you are doing better, but I caution you to really think about what happens if he still wants to left alone or has started dating.

This doesn't sound like a case where you both agreed to meet again in six months (I love An Affair to Remember) and if the other doesn't show up it's fully over. This sounds like you set an arbitrary date and decided that you are better because you know that date is coming.

Even if you do get back together is this going to be a start (or continuation) of an on again/off again relationship?