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auburn2805 · Sep 20, 2009, 09:15 PM

Ok so I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now. We have kind of a different relationship. I'm 19 and he's 32, and we live 3 hours apart so I only get to see him for 1 or 2 weekends a month. It has been a long distance relationship from the very beginning. At first we were just talking because I had just gotten out of a 2 year relationship and I was wanting my freedom and I was going out partying a lot and dating different guys. But after about 4 or 5 months of seeing him and talking I decided I was ready to be in a relationship again. And he was understanding about it all. He told me he would be ready whenever I was. He's a very attractive guy, has a great job and has never been engaged/married, doesn't have any kids, and is very personable.

He said it took him a long time to mature and now he's content just spending time alone at his apartment all the time watching sports and working. We talk for hours a day, and we get along great, but there's one problem that has been bugging me for a while. The first few months we were dating, he would jump me as soon as he saw me and we would make out ALL the time and he would want to have sex 3 or 4 times a day or more. Now, he doesn't ever want to. I don't understand it at all. We don't even make out anymore. I believe I'm a fairly attractive girl, guys hit on me all the time. I stopped partying and became a great girlfriend and now I'm wondering if that was the right decision because I'm not getting the physical attention I need. I love and care about him a lot, but being that we are in a long distance relationship and I don't get to see him very much you would think he would be all over me when he saw me.

He doesn't ever go out with his friends, and never did even when I met him. He has become really reclusive. All he does is work and watch sports. I've thought maybe its because he's depressed or something? He started working midnights and it seems like ever since then his whole attitude has changed. At first I thought he may have been cheating on me, but he treats me great. He's a total sweetheart. But he also is a ladies man, he knows all of the right things to say at all of the right times. He works out almost every day, and looks like a typical bachelor.

But for some reason he just doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I've talked to him about it several times. Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on him? He said he always feels pressured and that he can't please me, but I told him I don't feel wanted anymore. I mean, we never kiss. We peck kiss, but that's it. I'll go to his house after not seeing him for over a month and we won't have sex for four or five days. That's what happened the last time I was there. We were laying in bed and he could tell something had been wrong with me the whole night and asked what was wrong. After a few minutes, I told him I didn't feel wanted anymore and he got mad saying he does everything in his power to please me. And I said I knew that and I appreciated it, but I meant sexually. And I asked him if I just wasn't attractive anymore to him or? And basically he just said he goes so long without it that he doesn't think about it. And that he thinks I'm so sweet that he just doesn't think about f'ing the s* out of me. And I was like yea I understand that, but I go so long without it and when I'm here, you don't want to do anything. And he says he hasn't been in the mood and he'll try to do better, but nothing has changed. I stayed for 2 weeks and we only did it twice the whole time. I'm just really really confused. I've talked to some of my guy friends about it and they told me that if he was cheating, he would still probably want it. And a few months ago, when I thought he was cheating, I asked him about it, and he said he loved me and he didn't want to be with anyone else. He said I am so sweet and he would never do anything to hurt me and said I had nothing to worry about. So I don't know... could it be because he has been depressed or has lost attraction to me? I am so confused, someone please give me any advice! Thanks!

robknights · Sep 21, 2009, 03:32 AM

That's odd... I am a 26 year old male and have been in a serious relationship for about a year now... and I will admit, our sex life has diminuished a tad since the beginning... I have mentioned to my lady that if she really wants to turn me on if I am not in the mood she needs to take complete control with confidence and basically force me to have sex with her... I think its every males fantasy having a woman being completely upfront with them and able to seduce them like that. It stays in their mind. At least it really does for me... If you are completely upfront with him and you tell him in confidence exactly what you want in your words and your actions, he may get the hint that your serious. If he still turns you down, something is truly wrong and you need to figure out the next step.
Hope I helped a tad.

auburn2805 · Sep 23, 2009, 04:12 AM

Originally Posted by robknights

Thats odd.... I am a 26 year old male and have been in a serious relationship for about a year now... and I will admit, our sex life has diminuished a tad since the beginning... I have mentioned to my lady that if she really wants to turn me on if I am not in the mood she needs to take complete control with confidence and basically force me to have sex with her... I think its every males fantasy having a woman being completely upfront with them and able to seduce them like that. It stays in their mind. Atleast it really does for me... If you are completely upfront with him and you tell him in confidence exactly what you want in your words and your actions, he may get the hint that your serious. If he still turns you down, something is truly wrong and you need to figure out the next step.
Hope I helped a tad.

Thanks for your reply! Yes you helped a lot, he's just so hard to figure out... he's open about his feelings, but I just don't want to be completely fooled or played. If he somehow is, he is very good at it. But thanks for all of the advice, I will try to do that lol... im not very aggressive so that's probably part of the problem. I'll try it out and we'll see. Thanks again!

Romefalls19 · Sep 23, 2009, 06:35 AM

Spice it up! That's always a good way to get the adrenaline pumping. I love when my fiancé comes in dressed sexy or just wants to start it, or flirty texts. There are ways for you to try and seduce him, trust me, us guys don't like being the only ones who initiate it

talaniman · Sep 23, 2009, 06:53 AM

Don't take his lack of sexual attention personally, that only detracts from you paying attention to him. As you grow, and learn, about each other you find what turns him on and use it at the right times. Its also important to develop other areas of your relationship, as the honeymoon is over, and the lust has faded. It happens, but you can keep the physical sparks alive by learning him better, as a year isn't that long of a time at all given the distance between you. That will change soon I hope.

liz28 · Sep 23, 2009, 08:48 AM

I must ask how do you word your words when you bring up this issue since he gets mad when you bring up the subject? It is about how you approach the situation.

Also, instead of waiting for him to make the first move you should make the first move if you haven't already done so). I think you just want some intimacy from him and you deserve that.