[Misunderstood88]

My boyfriend wants me to do whatever wants... dress like he wants... get back home in the time he wants... I mean... I would do anything for him... but... I wouldn't be happy... n the worst thing is... he can easily let me go... I'm sure about this... and am also sure that even if I did everything he wants... he would still find some reason to fight... he says he loves me... n yea am sure he loves me... but... I want to be myself... damn I don't want to piss him off... I want to do whatever he wants... but if I did... we would still fight... he's always wanting me to make him happy... but did he ever think about doing the things that would make me happy :confused:

PLEASE HELP :(:(:(

[ZoeMarie]

How long have you two been together? Have you talked to him about this? I'm sensing you haven't been together long or there is a lack of communication. You shouldn't have to be someone you're not to be with your boyfriend. He should love you for who you are and you shouldn't feel like your inconveniencing yourself to be with him.

[Misunderstood88]

Yea you're right... not very long... less than four months... and I told him that I can't be someone that I'm not... he told me "dont you wanna do something that would make me happy, i want u to wear this and that"... and as I said above... I really want to make him happy... and I'm really serious in this relationship... but still I want to be myself... he loved me the way I am... why should I change... there's alotta things that I don't like about him... but I'm coping... I loved him as one package... his goods and his bads... and am fine with his bads... so why does he want me to be someone else though I just want him the way he is :(

Thanks for answering and thanks for your help :))

[rockie100]

Sounds like he is controlling. This is not likely to improve if you just continue to give in to all he asks of you. If he fights you even when you do as he asks, well then you aren't ever going to be happy. Not healthy place to be. You had stated he could easily let you go. Was this a threat of his or just how you feel? This doesn't sound like love.

[Misunderstood88]

No that's what I felt... I don't know... but that's what he did with his ex... he can let go of people easily... but if he's happy with them... he wouldn't let go... but the problem is... if I mad him happy... I wouldn't be :S... I can't be that person I can't :(

[Gemini54]

This guy is potentially a control freak. It will start with what you wear (has already) and then he'll want to control where you go, who you see, who you talk to. Just to make him happy.

If he does not have the capacity to allow you to be who you are and dress as you please then he's not worth being with. Please do not allow yourself to be controlled or manipulated by this guy. Control in a relationship can be a form of abuse.

You already know that you feel uncomfortable with this dynamic, otherwise you wouldn't be posting on this Forum. Trust your instincts. Make yourself happy and either leave him or tell him that you will do what pleases you and if that pleases him, great. If it doesn't please him, too bad. Don't engage in arguments with him or try to justify yourself.

Stand up for yourself and set some boundaries, it's only been 4 months, you can leave any time you want.

[rockie100]

I think you might want to let him go. You sound as though you might already know this. You want to be happy and have a guy that wants you just because your you. There are others out there. Maybe you should be on your own for a while and think about what you really want from a partner. Get to know yourself.

[Misunderstood88]

I really think that I should let go... no... I'm sure I MUST... but I don't have the strength to... I think there might be other ways to fix this... though he's very stubborn... but I'm just hoping that's there's some way to fix things... sometimes I feel that he's all I ever wanted... & sometimes I feel WTH am I doing to myself... :(

I want to thank you all guys for caring enough to answer :)

[Gemini54]

i really think that i should let go...no...i'm sure I MUST...but i dont have the strength to...i think there might be other ways to fix this...though he's very stubborn...but i'm just hoping that's there's some way to fix things...sometimes i feel that he's all i ever wanted...& sometimes i feel WTH am i doing to myself...:(

I wanna thank you all guys for caring enough to answer :)

Remember, that the WORSE thing you can do in a relationship is think that you can FIX the other person. It just doesn't work. If he makes you feel like this, then he's not ALL you ever wanted.

It is hard to be disappointed in love.

Do yourself a favor and let go. And, take care.

[rockie100]

Just keep in mind you can't fix or change anyone. They would have to first know they had a problem and second want to fix it.
You have strengths. Only telling yourself you don't will hold you back.

[amicon]

Being in a relationship where we are supposed to change to suit somebody else is one of the biggest red flags.Most often these demands that you change will escalate.This guy s bad news and I think you know this.You can't sort him out you can only make sure that you re not hurt by somebody else s issues.So walk away from this and regain your selfrespect.

[jmjoseph]

No he doesn't think about you.

You may as well have joined the military.

Speak up for yourself, and break away from him. Guys like this hardly ever get better, only worse.

How old are you two?

Do you have self esteem issues?

You're living your life in service of another.

This guy is no good for you, or anyone else , as long as he's got this attitude.

Good luck to you.

[Misunderstood88]

Yes... it's sure getting worse... however I tried to satisfy him... he never gets enough... and when I say I'm doing this for u... he tells me don't do me favors :S... damn... am really fed up... both options I have right now are hard... but still letting go is harder than holding on... I told him this is a two way relationship... u can't control everything... u can't decide on everything... but I don't know... he never listens... he always tells me that what I say doesn't make any sense to him...

BTW... I'm 21... and he's 24..


Thanks guys for helping and answering :)

[friend4u178]

It's not going to get any better , he's a control freak and even has you controlled to the point where you can't let him go even though you know you should.

I'd be hitting the road and taking the little bit of pain now rather than having to endure a lot more later.

[dipti jain]

I will say only one thing

" If you have two choices, whether to live with a guy you love or the guy who loves you, then select the one who loves you.

Because if you will select the first guy, he will have control over you, where as if you will select the later one he will care for your happiness and not think about himself all the time"

Love is unconditional feeling for someone.

So just move ahead.

[Misunderstood88]

" he's a control freak and even has you controlled to the point where you can't let him go even though you know you should. "

Yes friend4u... u said it all... I'm so sure I really should do this... I'm losing my respect for myself... I'm losing my smile and my happiness... I feel like I want to be with him so bad... but I'm so sure that I would be better without him...

& BTW friend4u... I LOVE UR QUOTE!

"There's only 1 thing more painful than learning from experience , and that's not learning from experience!! "
Amazing one :)
Thanks a lot :)

[amicon]

By wallking away you will start to regain your selfrespect.Trust me on that one.You don't have to stay in this relationship , you don't need him to be happy , you can find the strength to leave and the sooner the better.

[magnificence]

It's very important that you do whatever he wants you to do. You must avoid confrontation with him at all costs. Remember, if you upset him, you risk losing him. He's the man, and you're just a silly girl... a silly girl that should grateful to him always. The least you can do is obey, sweetie.