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katie1234 · Sep 19, 2009, 07:48 AM

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 4 years. I just found out last week he has been smoking weed about once/week on and off for the past year and 1/2. Long story short, he told me all about it, and after a lot of crying I gave him the choice…weed or me. He was so emotional and said he doesn’t want to lose me. During this past week he has got rid of everything and promised me he will talk to me about it if he is tempted and will stop because he loves me too much to hurt me again. His weed smoking friends are some of his best friends, and they support him stopping. They said you got to go what you got to do…I’m just worried he may be tempted and give in, should I really trust and believe him? Any general advice or comments are appreciated.

I wish · Sep 19, 2009, 08:13 AM

If he's willing to make the effort to quit, with the support of his friend, and you're willing to help him out, then why not give him a chance? Furthermore, it's good that he's willing to talk it out with you and let you know whenever he's tempted.

There's no way to predict the future on whether he will start again. What you need to decide is whether you think he will put the necessary effort.

I suggest that you just go with the flow and see what happens. If you're happy with his progress, then that's great. If you see that he's slipping up, then mention it to him. If you don't think he's making sufficient progress even after you put an effort to help him, then you can always break up.

redhed35 · Sep 19, 2009, 08:20 AM

Is weed addictive? I'm not too sure on that,I think for heavy users maybe.. but don't quote me.

Watch out for signs that he is smoking weed again,in saying that you have to trust him for your relationship to work,but he has to earn back that trust.

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 08:22 AM

Since it is not easy giving anything up, there probably will be some backsliding. That doesn't mean to not trust him and be suspicious every time he goes out.

Be supportive and try to be non-judgmental when he does talk about feeling the need or backsliding. You might try to help him find other outlets for the feelings that the pot smoking was covering, whether it be the "social thing" or stress.

If his friends are supportive too, they will probably understand that he needs to stay away from temptation for awhile at very least.

Just remember that it will take time. No over-night fixes.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 08:23 AM

Educate yourself as to what it is he is trying to do, and see how to best support him. My advice is get the right support yourself, so you can give the right help at the right time.

The best cases are when someone makes a decision to change because that's what they want, and not just do it to keep a partner happy.

Contact Alanon, in your area, and get some facts and support.