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Barron17J · Sep 18, 2009, 10:28 PM

I cheated in a way that was not good and have realized what I did wrong. I looked at porn while with my girlfriend in the beginning of the relationship. After I had already done this she told me how she felt about porn I didn't look at it again till one night got frustrated and looked at porn but it didn't work for me. She found out and I told her about the other time that I had looked at it. Now she is so mad and says "I have no feelings for you, you would be amazed how fast you can get over someone who betrayes you!" I have been reading articles about porn and the damages it does to people in and out of relationships and my views on it has changed but she doesn't believe me and I don't know how to get the trust back and prove to her that she is the only one that I want for the rest of my life and she is ready to move out! Please help

mudweiser · Sep 18, 2009, 10:33 PM

Hi Barron.

Will you be willing to let go of porn for her? Honestly would you? What would she have to give up? Chocolate? Really, it's only fair.

My suggestion is to move out.

It's not because of porn it's because she is KICKING YOU OUT because of porn. She is stubborn and lacks maturity when it comes to relationship. Relationships are not easy, obviously she does not get this.

If you like porn you should be able to find a girl who is okay with it. I can see it being a problem if you would rather choke your jimmy than touch her. If it's a once in a while thing hey that's okay but if it's a every night at 10 pm I have to slap it then I can see the issue.

Seriously. Get a new gal this one doesn't even love you.

Well that's my opinion.

Sarah

I wish · Sep 19, 2009, 05:51 AM

Every girl has a different feeling about porn. But the problem here isn't about porn. It's about trust.

She found out that you watched porn at the beginning of the relationship, but she still forgave you because you agreed not to watch porn anymore. But you watched porn again; thus, losing her trust because you broke your word. That's why she feels betrayed. If you break her trust for something like this, then she's going to feel insecure and scared that you will break her trust so easily for something else too. So how can she trust you again?

Again, the problem here isn't porn. It's about trust. Furthermore, I would suggest that you not explain yourself about porn, because that will just further infuriate her.

If you want to save this relationship, you have to find a way to earn her trust back. But it's up to her if she wants to give you another chance.

talaniman · Sep 19, 2009, 09:57 AM

Forget getting her back, as why should she take a chance to be hurt again?

Deal with your issues, which isn't about porn, but lying and cheating.

Get that part right, and you'll be happier with yourself.

mudweiser · Sep 19, 2009, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Forget getting her back, as why should she take a chance to be hurt again??

Deal with your issues, which isn't about porn, but lying and cheating.

Get that part right, and you'll be happier with yourself.

I understood that he "lied and cheated" when he was watching porn.

Some girls are weird like that. They consider porn a form of cheating...

Sarah

Fr_Chuck · Sep 19, 2009, 10:58 AM

Move on, sorry it was OK, now it is not, while I may disagree about watching porn she wants to change what you do.

Cat1864 · Sep 19, 2009, 11:22 AM

You really can't "do" anything to regain her trust. Regaining trust takes time, living, and communication.

You can sit down and discuss with her why the porn is a big deal. She may have reasons that she hasn't admitted to you that are extremely personal. It may also help to calmly discuss why she feels betrayed. Getting those thoughts out might help both of you move forward even if it is separate ways.