[datinganew]

I'd like to preface this post by saying that it's probably obvious that I'm being played with, I'm probably not ready to date, and I should just forget and move on. Maybe I'M the one with the problem and I'm just a non-understanding jerk. Perhaps this post is a waste of time in that regard but it's hard to accept even the obvious when it's not necessarily the answer you want...

8 months ago...
My world imploded and I suffered through the worst breakup of my life. I know the last breakup is always the worst but the circumstances of this last one made it extra difficult.
After 5 years dating and litereally just about to propose I found myself dumped for another man. Completely blindsided. I was broke and in debt both physically and emotionally. I had no job and probably would have lost it anyway had I one. I was broken. Nearing 30 I found myself with nothing and having to move in with my parents. I fought with dark thoughts.

Now...
I found some good work over the summer that gave me a decent nest egg which is allowing me to go back to school. (yay!)
Although I still struggle with it on a day to day basis I've found some mojo. It's not where it should be but my confidence is miles ahead of where it was months ago (yay!)
Even though myself esteem screams at me for this I still live with my parents and still do not have a car. Not because I'm forced to or can't afford it... but because I want to keep my nest egg for when I move out in a year when my schooling transfers to another University. (yay... sort of?)
I still don't really have any friends but I make it out of the house every day and being in school... even if most are 10 years younger than me... means that there's hope I'll make some friends. (yay!)

I'd like to think that I've made a lot of progressin in these 8 months.

So...
The entire reason I made this post...
There's this girl. A girl who's profile was the reason I joined an online dating site. She's gorgeous and the more I learn about her and get to know her the more I like her.

We've been chatting for over five months now. Originally it was not supposed to be a long distance/online relationship but soon after making contact with her she moved a few hours away due to some life issues of her own. Which sucks but also helps me hide my "shame" of living with my parents.

Anyway... I'll try and make this quick since this post has already gotten way too long.

-We chat for a while. Good conversations but it feels like often I'm carrying the conversation. Any suggestions I make for us to meet in person are ignored.
-She says she's moving away. I say goodbye figuring a lond distance thing is probably a waste of time... suddenly she's interested in meeting.
-We meet. The date goes amazing! I come home with butterflies and the first real smile on my face in a long time
-We chat some more. She texts me often.. but it dies off. We make plans to meet but she bails on me 4 separate times at the last minute. (yes.. 4!)
-I get upset at her for bailing and she gets upset at me for getting upset. I explain that it's not that she bailed.. that it's how she did it. Last minute.. weak excuses. etc..
-I decide to forget anything more than just friends with her. In fact I decide really that I don't want to be friends with her and I'm just chatting with her because I'm lonely
-During one of our friendly chats I get ignored and decide that I've had enough. She tells me to deal with it. I tell her to f-off and decide that I'm done talking with her.
-A week later she txt's me asking if I'm ever going to talk to her again. I tell her that I'm not a doormat.. that if she wants to talk.. fine but I'm not there to be her 'cure boredom' guy.
-By this point of our 'relationship' I'm starting to get some balls back. That combined with me deciding earlier that she's not even that great of a friend has me being the 'jerk' who suddenly has the girl after him
-She lays it on thick.. flirts all the time.. sends me texts.. the more I ignore her.. the more she wants.
-I give in and we meet up. BAM.. more passion with her just from kissing than in the etire 5 years with my ex.
-Now I'm here.. suggesting we meet again and she's busy with various white lies.

Will all the above written.. I'm sitting here thinking myself. Are you doing?. I'm sure anyone reading this is thinking the same or worse. Yo-yo at the best of times...
BUT...
I can't get her out of my mind. When we're together and when she's got me in full focus it's magic! MAGIC!. ugh...

Again..
I probably need to grow up and stop being a jerk.
I don't need to be toyed like this.
I'm probably not ready to date.
Etc etc..

I guess I'm just hoping that writing this down will make it clear if not for anyone but myself?

[datinganew]

I should add...

Her being busy when I ask her out for the 3rd date should seem like an obvious gentle break-off.. but she still wants to talk to me, has continued to flirt, and she's mentioned 'next time'.


Am I really going to have to fake dis-interest to get another date? Am I mistaking the game of hard to get with just imature games?

[Gemini54]

Er, I don't need to give you any advice.

Your guts are already telling you what's going on (sure your d-ick is telling you something different, but you have been celibate for 8 months I assume).

She only wants you when you don't want her. She lies, she makes excuses. She's a major player. Do you really want ( or need) this level of angst in your life?

Mate, she's trouble. You know that. You do.

Run for the hills on this one. Don't look back.