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sheema_1 · Sep 12, 2009, 04:04 AM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It's so hard to stop hurting myself, I know I have too and I have all the tools to do it but I fail again and again
I feel like I can't do it, N I just want it all to stop... I'm over feeling so

My husband don't understand, He tries to help but he don't get why it's so hard for me.
I don't have anyone to talk too about it N feel so alone

I just want to give up on everything

oceanlinkcontro · Sep 12, 2009, 04:19 AM

Hi

Bluerose · Sep 12, 2009, 04:33 AM

sheema_1,

You do have someone to talk to, your husband. And if he doesn't understand then you need to help him understand. I'm no expert but I think cutting has something to do with us being angry at ourselves and struggling to express ourselves. I have lots of well-meaning advice that I could pass on to you but unless you are ready to deal with things, it wouldn't mean much to you. You will find this hard to believe right now but you are in control of your life. You are creating your own reality from your thoughts and actions. If you don't like what is happening then change what you are thinking. Imagine things better than they are until they are. Stay strong and stay above the battles.

sheema_1 · Sep 15, 2009, 04:49 AM

Dear blue rose, Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post
You are right I do have my husband to talk to, Just hard at times to open up and not hurt him.
Last week was a tough week for me and I didn't realize the signs till it was too late.
I am ready to deal with my depression and self harm, Just in the past I set myself up with false expectations that I could stop when I wanted too and didn't believe anyone that I had a problem.
I now know I do have a problem which is going to take some time to deal with, But I have completed a CBT course which made a lot of sense to me & helped out a great deal, Also started on depression tablets and given myself a set routine threw out the week.

I guess my major problem at the moment is staying positive But I am getting there slowly =]

jmjoseph · Sep 15, 2009, 05:54 AM

I understand the depression issue all too well. However, you are so much luckier than some, as you have a caring husband to help you. You say you have all the tools to battle these feelings and desires, what exactly do you mean? Are you in counseling?

Sometimes getting in a group type setting with people who have the same issues, helps a lot more than one on one.

Just remember, that sometimes life deals us a hand that we really would like to fold, and start over.

Well, you can get help and make positive changes.

There's a saying that goes something like this:" I felt sorry for myself because I didn't have any shoes. Until I met a man who had no feet".

Remember that life could be must worse, and we should be thankful for the things that we have.

GOD won't give you more than you can take .

I wish you luck, and peace. May GOD bless you, and give you strength.

Please let your husband help you through this.

Clough · Sep 15, 2009, 01:30 PM

Hi, sheema_1!

What other positive things are also happening in your life, please? It sounds like you've got some good things already going for you!

Thanks!

sheema_1 · Sep 16, 2009, 03:29 AM

Hey all
By tools I mean, I have completed a CBT & mindfulness program ( cognitive brain therapy) was grp therapy. Which helps you understand it's the thought I have to challenge in order to change my action and behavior. I also do counseling each fortnight.

Positive things in my life, hmm I have healthy children and a roof over my head

And I don't know how to let my husband help me threw this, just feels like each time I try it turns into a fight.

Clough · Sep 16, 2009, 09:44 PM

Hi again, sheema_1

How old are your children, please?

Thanks!

sheema_1 · Sep 16, 2009, 10:28 PM

I have a 7y/o and also a step son who is 8

Clough · Sep 16, 2009, 10:45 PM

I'm sure that they must be a lot of fun as well as a challenge at times!

Do you do a lot of things with them outside of your home together with your husband, please?

Thanks!

sheema_1 · Sep 16, 2009, 10:58 PM

Indeed they are a lot of fun but pain in the butt as well very active chn.
We usually spend Saturdays at football for the boys but football season is over now, and when we can afford it we take them out but not a lot as we are not the richest people.

Threw out the week we don't get a chance to do much as we are busy with home work & my own studies.

Clough · Sep 16, 2009, 11:13 PM

I'm sorry, sheema_1!

I got disconnected from the Internet! One of many times, tonight! It's likely to happen again...

When you and you're husband are together with your children, do both you and he share equally, as in disciplining, interactions with, etc. with you children.

Also, what does "chn" mean, please?

Thanks!