Needs some advise2

seeker2 · Oct 28, 2006, 11:13 AM

I did as some of you suggested with my first needs some advise. We talked some more. Less then 4 months ago he was sure he wanted to marry me. Now he tells me that he does love me. The porn he can't explain. He finds me attractive. He feels that if he is meant for anyone then it is me. He wants me to be with him the rest of his life but he feels he is in some sort of MidLife Crisis for the best way to put it. He is unsure now if he ever wants to marry again. He is afraid that he is not capable of a relationship. He doesn't want me to change anything with our relationship. This to me is a step backwards in our relationship. I hurt so much and feel so alone. I don't know if I can continue to just live with someone, but I do know I love him and want to be married to him. I feel that I made this huge mistake by opening up and letting someone close to me again. I feel so stupid for even thinking that I may have a dream come true. Marriage isn't going to happen is it for us?

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 11:17 AM

This is confusing since it sounds like part two of another thread and yet its your first time posting anything under the name seeker2?

Do you have another id name?

My sympathies that your relationship is confusing right now but there isn't any way for any of us to know if marriage is or isn't going to happen for you. It might work better to ask a different question, and be sure to give all the relevant detail -- just a suggestion?

J_9 · Oct 28, 2006, 11:24 AM

Ah, well here we are. Post #1.

Seeker2, please post new answers on the same thread rather than starting a new one unless there is an entirely new problem.

If I were you I would look back at your posts and wonder if this is the way you want to live every day of the rest of your life. This is how it will be if you marry this man.

valinors_sorrow · Oct 28, 2006, 11:26 AM

Bonk! :rolleyes:

Doh! Now how did I miss that lol... Thank Janine!

s_cianci · Oct 28, 2006, 12:30 PM

The problem isn't opening up and letting someone get close. It's the person you chose to do it with. You need to step back for a while. Work on yourself and live your life, without him. Do the things you like and enjoy and/or have always wanted to do. Let him miss you and wonder what you're up to. This may get him coming back ; then you can lay down the law that porn is out. IF he strays, then you leave again, this time for good.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2006, 12:47 PM

Maybe you are already married, and don't know it. If it's a piece of paper you seek that is a whole different matter . If you live together in a committed relationship and you can't work out your current problems..?
I suggest to you that you forget the future and work on the NOW! Mature couples work together to solve life's problems as they come up. Communication and compassion work to give everyone a sense that they are being heard and loved. Sorry you sound too selfish to see anything, but what you want to see. That is the PROBLEM, in my opinion.

sincekinder · Oct 29, 2006, 09:09 PM

I think that some of the people here gave you some good advise. The backing off, to let him miss you is a good one but not for the missing you part. It appears he needs to figure out his direction in life. I'm also assuming that you have some past issue due to your comment about a huge mistake opening up. I'm afraid you may have been hurt in the past that you that you are not over with if you think it's a huge mistake to open up. Loving someone is not a mistake in life. This step back as you put it, may be a great time for you to possible heal where you don't think things are a mistake. Look at the positive. He has told you he does love you and he does want to spend the rest of his life with you. Does a marriage certificate make that much of a difference? I agree with Talaniman with that 100%.