[eola]

When we talked last night, I wanted to talk to you about what you told me about telling T---- about your commitment. (a promise that she made to her self before she meet me not to have sex for 4 years that she told me three day ago after being together a little over a year now and being sexually active for the first few months not scene the loss of the baby) That you still had something going with him and he went for the hills after telling him as if aligning my potential future actions with his, what I do not understand is that, at that time, you were seeing S-- That is a concern and the source of my confusion in this situation. Please correct my understanding in this situation if possible, because it makes a deference to me how it works in the time, as to how supportive I need to be. I want to aid in the healing that we both need at this time.
I thought that this might be a good way to talk. Are you willing to try this way of talking? All I ever wanted to do was good things for you and Li--, all that madders to me is family and I thought of the two of you as a part of my family. I also felt you treated us the same. G--- and his family also treated P----- and I like family from the get go. I always thought that I was supporting you and all that you did. I know that we went through really hard stuff, (losing a baby) but I think we could get through it in time... I want to do what you need of me to do, what ever that is. Tell me what you need me to do to promote healing. That's what I want. I also want to know what directions that you think our relationship can take. That is where I get tripped up: is one possibility a grown-up man and woman relationship? I mean the essence of that, J---, and I know that the essence of closeness is a sort of spiritual trust, with physical being one representation of that closeness. That to me would be the ideal outcome. Somehow, in my opinion, we got started that way and things tripped us up. Now I don't think we know where we are going.

I think that we at least once had that dream together, once upon a time. Making that a reality takes work of course and each person has to have it as a possibility, an ideal outcome. That is what I get tripped up on: do you view it as a possibility, and as a possibility with me? What are our possibilities, do you think? How can we make this less confusing for both of us? Let's try to make a plan that is not confusing. I think that email conversation will help us not let our brains and emotions run away and try to drag us with them.

My time with you has brought me real joy that I am still holding onto and hope to feel again.It has also brought pains that I do not care to ever see again. I don't believe that the boat we were on is not repairable. By the same token I do not want to bale water in vain. And J---, if you do not have the dream of that particular boat, then we need to find out what we want, saying what we know and mean.

I am a dreamer and that is the dream that I believe in partly because of you and what you have shown me. As I watch P---- play with the legos I am reminded about the importance of imagination and the importance of a story like ours.
--
with love,

that is what i emailed her...this is what she sent me back

No, I was not seeing S-- at that time. I came back from the trip in July, talked with T---- and did not start seeing S---until Nov.--and just let me remind you that we were "broke up" by chistmas... so, how is that relevant? Never mind... don't answer that question because I know that it is not and you were just looking for ammo to collect to use on me in your mental process to deflect the thoughts onto me rather than what you need for your own personal growth. :confused:

So, sure we can e-mail... sounds good to me. I am finding myself again--all over again... I cannot find myself in you or any other man for that matter. I need to feel me once more--I believe that we both need to do this. For myself, I figure a lot out when given quiet space, time for creativity, reflection, meditation, prayer, and down right fun--like this past weekend, or out at A---- I need to experience life and all of its random conversations with individuals that break boundaries of the socially acceptable norm conversation. I drove around with Chuck this weekend and had a few pretty deep thoughtful conversations. That was refreshing. Spent a lot of time in the woods and on the beach under a full moon dancing for the spirit world. Back to reality--which is where I find you. We need to grow as individuals--spiritual individuals--and come together to be a team in this material world. I am not putting any restrictions on what definition or term could label that type of relationship. It could be all we have ever dreamed of, or something just as sweet that has never even crossed our minds. Or, it could go no where at all... whatever will be will be. I am not scared of what the future holds and I refuse to try and control it... that has only always proven to get me into trouble. I cannot tell you how to find your own healing. That is something that everyone must find out for themselves. If someone tells you their truth, it doesn't sit with you for very long because it was not inspirited to the one who is to use it. But I can tell you that you have to make some bigger steps out of your comfort zone and really explore your universe to find it--and that is one thing you could do more of.

I better get to working now--see you in a little while.

I am ok with not having sex if it helps the healing and its not me.... what I am trying to say I will weight for her to be ready. I was hoping someone could give me some insight I am unable to think clear.
thanks
:confused:

[Imabadman]

The only mixed signals are yours. She dumped you... she's moving on. She'd like you to move on and get out of her business and is being civil with you telling you so. Civil for the moment that is... keep it up and you soon see your ex-angle turn in to a rabid dog.

Your email kind of has an overwhelming stench of desperation... not sexy, not cool. Sorry. I know you wanted heartfelt and all and you watched 3-5 different chick flicks this weekend to “figure it all out” but you're pushing a cart up a steep hill. Keep it up and you find you're only pushing her further away. Playing the 'friend-card' is just going to dig you and even deeper hole.

Back off. Leave her along… get scarce… move on. Ah yes… the timeless advice that falls on def ears. Listen you hanging around with your self-pity and desperation will do nothing but further her resolve in why she dumped you. Man up my friend and show her you don't need her either. She may or may not come back… but at least she'll respect you for once.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

I don't see her sending mixed signals, but what your receiving and expecting from her, ain't happening.

Time to let go of whatever your holding on to.