[colorblind]

All right, let make it shorter this time. I met this girl In Feb. 09 who happens to be my college junior's school buddy. She helped me out in my Fashion show and a fortnight after that we began to communicate. She told me she HAD a boyfriend, I was OK with it. Later, we had a fight over her being sarcastic and careless to me. So, I decided to end whatever relationship I had with her. I, then, met her another childhood friend who told me that, she NEVER broke up with her guy and was going around with him when I was present in her life and she likes flirting around too. It seemed so when she was with me but I didn't consider it.
Now, we are again in contact since past 1 month n more and we are going on good. She is behaving the way I always expected her to be (thats after she's been to abroad). 20 days back she broke up with her boyfriend, because we were caught by him just talkin' and spending time together around in a park. He behaved irrational there, that embarrassed her. I couldn't talk to her for 4-5 days after this sick episode. I thought over it, and realized it isn't her mistake if HE is an ! Unknown to him we have been meeting up frequently, having lengthy late-night talks on phone. Yesterday, we talked about for 4 hrs. and she said that I am a nice guy and told me 2 reasons that holding her back from falling for me. 1> Her mother will not allow for us to get together in future 2> She can't trust anyone after her bad and past experience. She says, her boyfriend is an and a spoilt brat. He doesn't suit her in any respect. On the other hand I make a good impression on her (she says) and I appear to be a complete guy.
Basically, I started liking her at the first day I saw her at my show's rehearsal. I have even confessed this to her several times. She seems enjoying it but do not confess to me. I feel that's affecting me, and that's why I am writing it down over here. What do I need to do? I don't want to get hurt again. I liked this girl after I broke up with my x-gf that's after 4 years. Help.

[Jake2008]

I would say that you have your answer. She clearly does not want a relationship because of the last fiasco, and because of her mother's wishes.

It doesn't sound to me like she treats you very well, but she likes to keep you hanging on. She enjoys the attention, and sees you as a good fallback guy when things aren't going right with her boyfriend (or weren't going right until she finally broke up with him).

She needs time whether she realizes it or not, that she can't have her cake and eat it too. She needs to mature, and realize that having a boyfriend, does not mean keeping another possible boyfriend on the side, just in case. She needs to realize her own independence, and to be able to enter a relationship without baggage from the last one.

You on the other hand, hopefully won't be the rebound guy. The signals you are seeing from her now, does not mean she is either available emotionally to start a relationship with you, or that she is interested at all.

Try not to read too much into her actions and behaviour, and go about your life, keep busy, and leave her time to sort her own business.

[redhed35]

She is cheating on her boyfriend.

You are both out of order.
If she wanted you she would have you,I'm sure her mothers wishes would not even come onto her rader,since I'm sure her mother is not condoning her behaviour and cheating...
So, its an excuse.

She does not really want you.

Her boyfriend went 'mad' when he saw you talking to her,I suspect he had an inkling more then talking was going on.

Stay away from this woman,she will only break your heart.

[talaniman]

I think she was very clear about there being no romance for you two in the future. You must accept that, and act accordingly.

You must also respect her need to heal, and get over her last failed relationship, and that means no pressure at all from you to have more than a business FRIENDSHIP.

Lastly, to continue to pursue one who does NOT share your feelings, is a perfect waste of time, and not a mature way to deal with your feelings, and cope with the reality of your situation.

If you can't handle friends, then leave her alone. I won't even address the fact that she led you on because of her issues with her boyfriend. You should have backed away when she first told you she had on. Then you wouldn't be her emotional tampon, and had false hope for more than she was going to give you anyway.

She needed attention, and you were there.

[colorblind]

Hey Jake, RedHead and Talaniman thanks a lot for your support. I am likely to get convinced with it. Well, yesterday also we talked for hours and she seemed enjoying it i.e. the way I care for her, I praise, I show my gratitude, my love and respect for her. Today, I was occupied in my engineering studies and couldn't give her the normal time I used to. Well, end of the day it was expected from her that she will at least ring me or message up to know my status or what's goin' on with me? And what's keepin' me busy.
I realized this evening that, majorly we only had talked, when I wanted to talk to her (that time she responded to my expectations) but, it was rarely this, that SHE wanted to talk to me and had same desire to hear me like I did. It seems I was always for HER but she was seldom for ME.
What do I do now? I still haven't received any call/message from her. Should I give time to over come from her fresh wounds of break-ups (if she has any) or what could be non-heartbreaking for me? After having such a pleasant and wonderful time with her, my heart cries for her. I have decided I won't call her up until I return from my Army test (sooner, I will be workin' for Army as an Engineer after gettin' done with my grad.) and keep our relationship on a test. Her calls might prove that, does she care for it or she doesn't? :( :-| :-)

[colorblind]

Can I be her next guy? She thinks or she knows that I am completely better than her x-guy in all respect. I figure out (from her talk) she thinks that, I am Intelligent, good looking, socially popular, classy, sweet n' romantic etc. (once she said "I wish if my bf were like You", because I had a small fight with her over phone n' next morning I sent her a bunch of red roses while that time I wasn't even in town (unexpected to her) and to admit my apology). She doesn't have complaints about me for being myself the way I am. WE (me and her) and some her friends who know me, know and think that, I can make a better guy to her than her previous one. But, she is still holding back on "something" it seems, at times. How do I get rid of "something" that's holding her back. I got many dreams in life to be fulfilled as an Engineer, and she is someone I have always wanted to have her as my girl.

[amicon]

Would you please reread talanimans post which sums it up very well?

[Sweet_Guy23]

Unknown to him we have been meeting up frequently, having lengthy late-night talks on phone. Yesterday, we talked about for 4 hrs. and she said that I am a nice guy and told me 2 reasons that holding her back from falling for me. 1> Her mother will not allow for us to get together in future 2> She can't trust anyone after her bad and past experience. She says, her bf is an and a spoilt brat. He doesn't suit her in any respect. On the other hand I make a good impression on her (she says) and I appear to be a complete guy.

Next time you cross a girl with a boyfriend... lay back dude... you made yourself too available with these girl...

Too much time on the phone dude... save most of the interaction for the dates out with her...

And dude the 2 reasons she gave you for not being able to fall for you were fluff dude. The real reason is that SHE HAS NO INTEREST IN YOU!! PERIOD!! You are wasting your time with her..

[talaniman]

But, she is still holding back on "something" it seems, at times. How do I get rid of "something" that's holding her back.

You just intend on making her give you what you want, that's no good.

I got many dreams in life to be fulfilled as an Engineer, and she is someone I have always wanted to have her as my girl.

Thats what you want, not her, do you see how carried away your getting? Go about your business, do your thing, because she doesn't want you as a boyfriend. Now back off.

But don't worry, I have a suspicion that you will run her off with your hard headed persistence. It borders on selfish.

[colorblind]

Hi again... I am back to my town. Well, thanks for all your comments and suggestions, I am again continuing with the same. When I was out of my town, we were regularly in contact via phone. I was following "your" comments you all gave me and talked to her in that direction only i.e. (not holding on on love). But, she said this several times, that she isn't my girlfriend AS YET.. when I asked her to do things for me. She says, she never had any respect in her last relationship and she is hoping and expecting that from me. She says, "I am not yet her bf completely" (completely? I still don't get it). We are going on a night out this week and I think, I will ask to her for being my girlfriend? She confessed 3-4 times that she LIKES me.. what do I do, still confused. She keeps on extending my hopes, when I decide to to everything at a point or when I ask her about "we" to become "us" :-(


Hi SweetGuy... well dude... herself, myself and everybody who knows him (her ex) was an a$$h0l3... so I really don' think that I am doin' anything wrong in this case.. I mean to say the guy was not just worth it and worth her. She admits the same. I have got some class dude, I have even asked her this several times, if she is still got some hopes from him I am ready to walk away.. I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt because of me. I am a confident, handsome and qualified guy I know Jesus promise me better chicks than her. I am just trying to equalize everything and basically I like her too. :-)