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kaortl · Sep 5, 2009, 12:52 PM

In December my 37 year old son died by suicide. His 16 year old (now 17) daughter live with her mother and her husband. My Granddaughter told me the other day that her stepfather wants to adopt her. My son was very involved in his daughters life. This really hurt me. Gd said she didn't see any difference if she could keep her last name. They gave her "In case something happens to both of us." I think all that could be taken care of in wills, etc. I still see her at least once a week. It would hurt me so much if they do this. My GD texted me today and said not to worry because she would never forget her dad and she is saying no to the adoption for now.
Am I wrong to be upset and feel like they are trying to erase me from her life? I just don't see any legal reason for adoption at her age. :confused:

Wondergirl · Sep 5, 2009, 01:14 PM

How would adoption erase you from her life? Do you get along okay now with your granddaughter's mom and step-dad?

Think about your granddaughter. This would give her some stability and security, to be adopted. Granted, she is nearly 18, so, in a sense it really won't matter soon. Or are you worried about her losing your family name? Once she marries, she will probably take her husband's name.

She will always be your blood, your granddaughter, even if her name becomes Angelina Jolie. There will always be an emotional connection. It is up to you to help her remember her father in all sorts of ways. Tell her stories of when he was little or dating, or tell her about his hobbies or favorite games. The two of you can put together a picture and story book about him.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 5, 2009, 02:01 PM

No, the adoption merely gives her the security and love that this step father has for her.

It is a wonderful thing. I see no reason it erases anything but merely moves the family bonding even tighter.

ScottGem · Sep 5, 2009, 02:23 PM

I'm a bit on the fence here. I do understand your point of view, but I think you need to look at it from the step dad's point of view. Your granddaughter just went through a traumatic event and this offer may have been to help her get over it. I really don't think there was any intent to remove her from her paternal family.

But, there are legal aspects to this. Legally it might sever your legal relationship depending on your local laws.

I would consult a Family Law attorney in your area to discuss the legal ramifications and maybe explain them CALMLY to your Daughter in law.