[KateInNY]

Is it wrong for a woman to communicate/flirt openly about her likes if she is searching for a connection that develops with time? What happened to people enjoying the courting process that took longer than a hand shake before expecting sex? I'm searching for years now and can't get past first dates. It maybe just NY but I'm so disgusted how little men are willing to do for a possible connection and I'm even more disgusted at how many are OK with barely knowing a woman they would share their bodies with. If a woman turns them on, it's all most men need. It's such a turn off to think most don't respect themselves enough to even use protection. I know women are partially to blame, but there has to be some, who value non promiscuity. Or am I wrong?

[winding200]

I agree, I am in the area too, it is prevalent phenomenon that people take sex very light, going to the point (?) without developing relationship or courtship. This is not the right way to find the true soul mate. I guess that's why many people fail to land in long term & meaningful relationship, getting more frustrated and repeat the mistake over and over again.

I have stick with my own policy, no mater what other people do, I found my soul mate, and landed in a happy marriage. Do not give up, pass the bad guys who dos not respect your value without hesitation, and keep looking the right guy in the right way. Everything has cost. Good Luck!

[Just Dahlia]

Your not wrong:) Keep searching!

[LearningAsIGo]

Promiscuity is risky business and I personally consider it to be selfish behavior--a type of instant gratification.

Monogamy is so much more fulfilling and is worth pursuing.

[redhed35]

Sex is just so available these days,and people and relationships are so disposible.

I find women in my age group (37) or there abouts who are single repeating the same thing.

However,in saying all that,I have met men in this age group who are saying the same thing.

I would say look at the guys your attracted too,what is it about them that you like?

Thing is,they can't give you what you need from a relationship,and/or they don't want the same things.

Then,have a closer look at the guys you would normally ignore,not the bad boys! Or the bad boys come good going bad again.

The good guys are out there.
You just have to look closer.

[Sweet_Guy23]

You not wrong at all. I agree.

Some excuses will be:

Society now days is very openly sexual. Media and hollywood celebrates that.

Sexual sin is celebrated rather than marriage nowadays.

Masculine men are almost extinct! When you look at old movies from early hollywood the men were portrayed totally different from the way hollywood portray men nowadays. There are no real men anymore... by me being a young man I'm having to teach myself a lot of things on my own. There are not too many good examples to look at.

Feministas are taking over..

But I solely agree with your stance.

But keep looking... sooner or later you'll find what you are looking for...

Good luck

[Jake2008]

I would think that caution should work both ways. I worked with three women who had sex with three different men, in order to get pregnant together. They are all single, now on the dole, and taxpayers are covering the cost of this outrageous scam.

Men need to be careful. Women need to be careful. Whatever happened to open communication, prior to even meeting for dinner, or a movie or whatever.

If, on the first date, he/she expects sex, then something was missed, prior to meeting.

Why don't each of the parties know more about the other beforehand, so that there are no surprises. I should think that just in casual conversation you'd get a fix on what type of character a person has, and whether there is a reasonable chance this person is not up to your standards.

Why do you get stuck with men who you say are only interested in sex.

Not every single one must be like that. What happened to the others. They are out there.

[Silverfoxkit]

Its become all about instant gratification these days. Why bother waiting if you don't have to? There's an old saying I've always heard "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?"

Neither gender is more to blame then the other for the recent free sex craze. Women are not respecting themselves enough to wait and in turn the men have come to expect easy access.

A woman just the other day on this site who has been waiting for marriage was having self doubts because her "friends", other women mind you, were telling her that no man would wait for her and she was being dumb.

That general mindset makes me sick. A woman or man should never be put down for having self respect and dignity but that's what society has come to.

[artlady]

Sadly,I don't think it is just a New York thing.We are rather progressive here,if you want to call that progress (?) but I think morality has taken a nose dive just about everywhere.

I would say that wherever you have been meeting men is the wrong place.

Try taking a class or join a gym.Bars are havens for people just looking to hook up!

Below is a site for singles to meet up.They do all sorts of community events and it's a great place.I have an on line friend on this site who loves it!

Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup.com

[Just Looking]

It definitely seems to be the case in a large city. I lived in Los Angeles for 8 of the last 9 years. The guys there have a general rule that they expect girls to put out by the third date. Talk about arbitrary. I think it's something that was started in the media and movies, and now is the norm. Personalities like Tom Leykis and Howard Stern have made the men think they can expect this - even shows like Sex and The City have pushed this, and unfortunately it seems like a lot of women go by this standard as well. I think you just have to go with what feels right to you.

[talaniman]

Forget about what everyone else does, and expects. Stick to your own beliefs, and do what's best for yourself. You're the one responsible for your own happiness. Losers have a right to be losers, but not at your expense.

[Survivor07]

Well, they say you should teach someone how you want to be treated. I agree with you. More women and men need to have respect for themselves to get it in return.

Personally, I asked my boyfriend for a blood test, for STD's, before I would have sex with him. I did the same for him.

That was over a year ago and he says that made me "different" from other women in that I respected my own body, and his.

[moni1210]

I totally agree. Iwent from being married to dating a guy who respected me and himself enough to wait, but now wonder. Anyway, I think that is the reason I stuck with the loser I was with for so long every guy I dated said something about sex.. bums now I am out there again.