[MayfairLady]

My partner and I split up not long after finding out I was pregnant and I found out he was cheating. We were not married.

To maintain contact with the child I invited him to the first scan, which he refused. I advised him that all was normal.

I have just had the second scan. I was wondering if I should advise him that all was normal or just leave it now. He has not contacted me in any way since our split.

This is causing me some distress as I want to do the right thing by our child, even if it ends up he does not want to have anything to do with him/her, I want to be able to say I did everything my end that I would have be reasonably expected to do.

Is it HIS duty to equire or do I have an obligation to inform?

[artlady]

It is his call.
You made the first attempt and he showed no interest.
You can leave the door open,if you decide that is what you want to do but I think the ball is in his court at this time.

[cdad]

It is his call.
You made the first attempt and he showed no interest.
You can leave the door open,if you decide that is what you want to do but I think the ball is in his court at this time.

Also I would like to add that as soon as the child is born you file for custody and support right away. He can make whatever choices he wants but stay on track for your child. He may not want to participate by choice at this time because he may already have another he is involved in. Once the baby is born things may change. That's why its important to get the court orders in place right away.

[Bill-K]

19 years ago, I fathered a daughter. This was inside marriage - but I was one of those guys who kept on saying 'We're STILL not ready for a child.' So, when it was confirmed that my dear wife was pregnant, I went into a deep, resentful depression. I felt as though I had been 'set up' - or at least 'conspired against.' Something had happened - and I was NOT in control of it.

I was NOT good to my pregnant wife, bless her. When the time came, the hospital rang me and said "Do you want to be there when your child is born ?" I said "I will be there if my Wife wants me there - but I'm not that fussed about it, myself." They rang back and said "She wants you to be there." I said "OK, then. Hold the show until I arrive. " I was SUCH a Prima Donna over this. What a shmuck!!

I arrived at the hospital. We had the usual wait for stuff to happen - THEN the 'bleep' of the baby's heartbeat suddenly stopped. We pressed the red 'call' button, and the staff came in and did loads of stuff. They got the bleep back - but I never did find out what was the problem. I reckon it was just the equipment - a bad contact or a faulty finger-clip. But I was, of course, as desperate as my dear wife was - just to hear that heartbeat bleeping again. I think I realised from that point in time just how much I was a part of this re-generation of life, whether I liked it or not.

Delivery time arrived, and I dutifully took my place at the 'easy' end - just mopping dear wifie's brow, holding the gas & air tube, and muttering encouragement. In due course, this little critter plopped out, and was hastily taken across the room for the usual 'Hi - I'm a Newbie' checks, etc. and some cosmetic stuff for us squeamish blokez, of course! What looked like a purple tortoise - minus its' shell - was reverently placed in my wife's arms. It was crying, and - just for an instant, mind you!! - I felt the same instinct that its' mother would feel at the sound of this.

When the time came for me to hold this alien being in my arms, I was totally embarrassed. I looked down at IT. Then SHE looked up at me - and then this totally stoopid Father met his totally dependent Daughter for the first time - and he felt totally humbled.

OK - so this was just another birth within just another marriage. But - right up until the last moment, I didn't want this kid. When I handed her back to her mother, I went outside 'to smoke my cigar.' I lifted my eyes up to Heaven, and I cried. I thanked 'The Great Being' for allowing us a daughter - despite my resistance to that, and I swore to do my best to protect her and bring her up right.

She is nearly 19 years old, now, and can slam a door so hard it will demolish a building. She has cursed me for being the shmuck I still am. But - when we have confrontations - she has ALWAYS said "I love you, Dad, but....."

It has never been an easy, cosy relationship - but LOVE has been there all along. The cursing is just theatrics - the REASON for the cursing is what matters. Yeah - it's been what they call 'Tough Love' - but if I had walked away when She was born, then I would never have known this.

Please forgive me - I just wanted to input something here from a male standpoint, and ihope it might help. What I guess I'm saying is this... PLEASE keep this guy in touch with EVERYTHING, and INVITE him in to it all. He may keep shying away - but he is a son of Mother Nature, just as you are a daughter. Us males ARE such jerks - but we still have souls. Work on that...

[Fr_Chuck]

He has no "duty" what so ever, moral obligations depending on his moral beliefs.

His only real duty will be to pay child support after the child is born and you get a custody order and a child support order.