[Princess J]

I'm 33 and expecting my 5th child.( 15,8,7 and a 2yr.old) I'm 35 weeks. My husband makes me feel lazy.. I mow the lawn make lunch and supper, do the dishes(no dishwasher) do all the laundry and house work.. he doesn't believe that I'm TIRED! His buddies woman is hardly 4 months along and doesn't even carry groceries in because she's PREGNANT! She's only 22! So I called her a lazy C**T. He got SO defensive! He calls me worse than that.. so I'm thinking hmmm.. why so defensive?! He's always defensive lately.. accusing me of cheating and he wants DNA testing to prove if I'm carrying his baby! Is it just me or does somthin seem odd?! I'm wondering if he's not boinkin the 22 year old? Why so defensive about her?!

[I wish]

Sounds like both of you have some insecurity issues. I suggest that you get some professional help, such as marriage counselling.

These aren't the type of problems that can go away easily. You also need to establish a better communicating system with your husband. I see that there's lots of work to do to repair the damage in your marriage.

[artlady]

Wow,you sure do have your hands full!

I have no clue why he is being defensive but I do understand why you would see his defense of this girl as a red flag.

Maybe he has a crush on her.

His behavior is totally uncalled for and I would be furious if I was in your shoes.

There is a theory that someone who accuses is the guilty party but I don't know how true of a statement that is.

The bottom line is ,you sound like you are in an awful place with him.
You should not be doing all the work and taking care of all those children as well.That is a 24/7 job and he is way out of line to accuse you of laziness.

Has he ever walked a mile in your shoes?

Let him take over your job for one week and I can guarantee you he will have an entirely different outlook!

I sincerely feel for you.I can't imagine having to tolerate that type of verbal abuse when you are ready to have your fifth child,or at any time for that matter!

This should be a joyous time and he is robbing you of that.

I rarely encourage people to split up and especially when there are children involved but if this is the kind of life you are trapped in,I would rethink how you plan on doing this for years to come.

He needs a serious wake up call!

I hope after you have your child,you get someone in to give you a hand and then after a time,decide if you can live with someone who is clearly selfish and brutal in his treatment of you.

I wish you the very best.If you need to rant(you clearly have reason) feel free to come back and let out some of that pain that he is inflicting on you.

[MsMewiththat]

Interesting. Defensive is not always a sign of cheating, but sometimes it screams cheating. Maybe he was just upset that you were calling names? Instead of assuming just sit him down and ask. When you have a moment and he seems to be more relaxed and less defensive just ask him what gives lately?

[Princess J]

Wow,you sure do have your hands full!

I have no clue why he is being defensive but I do understand why you would see his defense of this girl as a red flag.

Maybe he has a crush on her.

His behavior is totally uncalled for and I would be furious if I was in your shoes.

There is a theory that someone who accuses is the guilty party but I don't know how true of a statement that is.

The bottom line is ,you sound like you are in an awful place with him.
You should not be doing all the work and taking care of all those children as well.That is a 24/7 job and he is way out of line to accuse you of laziness.

Has he ever walked a mile in your shoes?

Let him take over your job for one week and I can guarantee you he will have an entirely different outlook!

I sincerely feel for you.I can't imagine having to tolerate that type of verbal abuse when you are ready to have your fifth child,or at any time for that matter!!

This should be a joyous time and he is robbing you of that.

I rarely encourage people to split up and especially when there are children involved but if this is the kind of life you are trapped in,I would rethink how you plan on doing this for years to come.

He needs a serious wake up call!

I hope after you have your child,you get someone in to give you a hand and then after a time,decide if you can live with someone who is clearly selfish and brutal in his treatment of you.

I wish you the very best.If you need to rant(you clearly have reason) feel free to come back and let out some of that pain that he is inflicting on you.

Thank u for the input artlady. I'm pretty sure he's got the hots for the young girl! And for him to question this baby being his makes me wonder about the other girls baby! Is it his?! As far as defending her goes.. I feel he has more respect for her. He claims he doesn't know her! Then WHY defend her name over his wife's?! We either get counseling or go our separate ways.

[artlady]

Thank u for the input artlady. I'm pretty sure he's got the hots for the young girl! And for him to question this baby being his makes me wonder about the other girls baby! Is it his?!? As far as defending her goes..I feel he has more respect for her. He claims he doesnt know her! Then WHY defend her name over his wifes?!? We either get counseling or go our seperate ways.

I don't blame you for being suspicious of his actions and I do think counseling is in order.
This man is about to be a father to his fifth child and you are giving him that gift.He should be putting you on a pedestal right now,not anyone else!

[Jake2008]

You have far more to worry about than your husbands buddy's girlfriend being pregnant. He may be defensive because they are friends, and you calling her what you did was pretty low.

This isn't about them.

If you are carrying most of the load, and haven't done anything to change that, I don't know what you expect now. He likely demanded the same of you before you got pregnant, and once you did, why would he expect things to be different.

He's had four babies with you, and he's about to have a fifth. What evidence do you have that he's been unfaithful, other than you have decided that his bad behaviour must be because he seems defensive to you.

If she wasn't pregnant, this wouldn't be an issue would it?

You need to put the focus on the reality of what you are faced with here. Does he love you, do you love him? Is he a good father to all the other children? A good provider, hard worker? If he is, then you accusing him of getting another woman pregnant, and possibly her first child too, is a bit out of whack in my opinion.

If you are overworked and exhausted taking care of everything as you say, that is what has to change. If there has been a long history of him dialing out of home responsibilities, and he has become used to you doing it all, then there has to be compromise, and a basic understanding of what needs to be done to ease the burden on you.

Counselling is the way to go, and I hope that you seek it. You won't be able to know until you try, whether he is going to change. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and see how he handles himself, and what he has to say about his behaviour. In the meanwhile, I'd concentrate less on what you have no control over, or proof of, and put your effort into getting your marriage back on track.

Five kids is a daunting task to face alone.

[Princess J]

No,their not all his. 2 of 5.there's a lot to our story.. and I've been logging in on a phone! No computer. It all began last summer. He was getn texts from 18 year old girls 30 miles outa town. The same night we fought and he left and went to his "mas" was when these girls claimed to have met him at a street dance. I wanted to see his cell bill.( he has an acct.under his ma.. and by the way he refuses to get on mine!) it took 3 months to get a bill that had both his/mas calls all together.. no way to decipher who made what calls. He said once I lkd at the bills we were through. That's why he said his ma wouldn't give them to me. Now the girl I called the name.. he had to call her once he changed his # for his buddy.. who has his own phone..! He talks about his buddy/and woman's relationship issues. He has become emotionally distant, seems uninterested in sex.. which we use to 4-5 times a week. He hardly cuddles with me anymore. He's Has recently started to shower his 2 year old with gifts.. and bought me an $800.00 gift for valentines day! Not normal.. Yet forgets mothers day and my birthday every year we have been together. And as for his buddies woman.. its her 2nd. The first one her man took a dna test before he would sign anything. Now my husband is doing the same to me! He complaina about my other children all the time now.. and is constantly arguing with me about nothing at all! Does that help?! To me it sounds abit fishy.. any thoughts?

[Jake2008]

Well, with that bit of information, it does seem clearer that he has some sort of life outside the home.

But, he still has five children. He has to step up, grow up, and own up to the responsibility of raising all these kids. They have to come first. Whether that turns out to be through hefty child support and every other weekend, or he chooses to keep his family together, and attend counselling to address all the crazy stuff that's going on, that is up to him.

The person who has control over you, is you. If you take on all the extra work and responsibility, and keep trying to make sense of his behaviour and actions, you won't get anywhere except having your head spin with more 'what if's', and nothing will get resolved.

It is a situation that will critically affect your life, your life with him, and all those children's lives.

If you can see that help is needed, and insist on getting it, then at least you can say you tried all the right things to do the best by your family.

I hope for your sake, that some course of positive action happens, counselling opens up the communication again, and the two of you can regain what you've lost, and build upon what needs to be done to ensure a happy household.

[Princess J]

Thanks all of you who took the time to respond to my concerns.. it means/helps a lot! We've been sitn dwn and talking over the weekend and I hope things are sinking in. Were both nervous about our soon to be added responsibility. We have litte income.. we own our home thank God... but in these days hardly anyone has the size family we have anymore! The comment made on birth control.. I was and had had a hard time adjusting to the pill.. plus they made me wacky! So we decided to have my tubes tied.. well our ins. Lapsed and I couldn't get the surgery unless I paid cash! So here we sit... as I am against abortion. I had one as a teen and it was VERY hard to recover. U will be glad to know that the day my little one is born I'm having the tubal ligation!!

[Jake2008]

I'm glad you were able to sit and talk. That is really good to hear.

Sometimes just life gets in the way to communicating, and before you know it another week, month, year has passed by and resentment has built up to the boiling point.

As hard as it may be, and you'll be exhausted and fed up, make an effort to do the same thing as you did, once a week. Keep a little diary if you have to, and jot things down that you want to remember to talk to him about, and save it just for that day that you can speak to him in private, when its quiet.

If you can avoid reacting in the moment in anger, you will garner a much better willingness on his part to listen, and change. The more the two of you come up with a simple plan to talk and listen, the better things will go.

Keep trying, you're going to need him more than ever after the baby arrives.

[Princess J]

This one might be easier for a guy to help me understand.. My husbands buddy at work is SOO jealous of him. All he does. To how he works to the fish he catches! I've been concerned about his buddies woman. She gives him these "come hither" looks and becomes shy and beet read when we all cross paths in public. As of late I've noticed that he's always competing with/jealous of my man. HELP! Wht is he so concerned with my husbands accomplishments? What makes another man ao jealous of another like that?

[NeedKarma]

Well perhaps the other guy is actually gay and is attracted to your husband, Apparently you suspect your husband to be gay as well.

[Princess J]

That is a thought.. but this guy would be the last I would suspect to be gay. He digs the chicks(from what I've observed) but I guess one may nvr know! If you've read my other posts... this is the lazy pregnant girls man.

[Cat1864]

I don't think homosexuality is part of the equation unless this has been going on since before the "buddy" became involved with the current "woman".

I wonder how much Ms. Buddy is talking about how great your man is and Mr. Buddy is getting jealous because of that and it is coming out in a way that is more acceptable to his ego and the general public.

If it has been going on longer has your husband been "jealous" of him and his and are they playing a game of "mine's bigger than yours"? They may be adults but that doesn't mean they are mature. :rolleyes:

[Princess J]

That's just it cat... she and my husband don't know each other.. he claims to not even know her name. My husband will tell me how his buddy says his woman's lazy, b**tchy. Maybe it is like "mines bigger.." at least that would be better than what I'm thinking! I think my husband has something going with this dudes chick! All I can say is I get this crappy feeling when he brings up this dudes jealousy. Its gotten worse in the last week. I'm afraid my man is leaving a big piece out of the picture! :0

[I wish]

Why don't you tell him to stop bringing it up? You can't control the other man's actions, but you can let your husband know how you feel and he can act accordingly.

You have to express your feelings to your husband if you want any progress to be made. I don't know if it's because you have too many problems with your husband or what, but the two of you have a very poor communication system that needs to be repaired.

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[1800proof]

I agree with Cat... my wife used to talk about how great her best friend's husband was and how I should do this like he does, and how I should do that like he does... eventually, I started to resent the guy and found myself competing against him, even though he didn't do anything wrong to me.

I had to take it for what it was worth... he was doing something that she wanted me to do but wasn't, so that was her way of letting me know. I'm not jealous anymore but admit that I was... very. I'm sure that's what is going on with your hubby's friend. Maybe your husband should have a heart-to-heart with the guy to maybe help out with issues that they probably aren't aware of themselves...

[Cat1864]

That's jst it cat...she and my husband dnt know eachother..he claims to not even know her name. My husband will tell me how his buddy says his womans lazy, b**tchy. Maybe it is like "mines bigger.." at least that would be better than what I'm thinkn! I think my husband has somthin goin with this dudes chick! All I can say is I get this crappy feeling when he brings up this dudes jealousy. Its gotten worse in the last week. I'm afraid my man is leaving a big piece out of the picture! :0

Princess, he may not know anything about her. He may just be a name that she can use to get a rise out of her man and it may be working.

As has been pointed out, you can't do anything about any relationship other than your own with your husband. We can give you tips on effective communication but you have to be the one to put them into practice.

[Princess J]

Thanks cat.. We actually talked about it last night. I told him how it made me feel~not to mention I'm 37.5 weeks pregers.. moody n sens.~ I'm GLAD I did! My hubby's the one who brags on ME! Drives the guy nuts.. He said things I needed to hear! All I do for him.. cookn baken.. how I bait my own hook/ and rig it up! He calls me super-woman!! I guess this couple is way younger.. more than 10yrs. Difference. I'm proud to be home and be here for my family.. its my life! His buddies woman is just starting her family.. and I know it takes time to create routines and character. It ALL makes sense! I told my man he should ease up.. that its got to be so frustrating to the other guy.. and as a couple. I would NEVER compare my husband to the abilities of another! He is MY MAN! If I can't make him feel like he's king someone else will! Thanks for ALL your IN-SIGHT! I'm on fricken cloud 9! :P