[jmjoseph]

Water-fire, If you decide to marry this girl, how would the finances be handled? Would you have a joint checking account? Would she have access to all of your assets? Or would you keep that a secret? You said that you are working on your second house, so I'm assuming that you'll have two mortgages, would her name be on the deeds? What if she gets a job making MORE than you?

My point on this matter is this: if you truly love her, tell her. If she truly loves you, she shouldn't have had to ask, and lived on the assumption that you're making ebough to be a good provider. I mean you told her a ballpark amount, and she sees that you're living quite comfortably.

I think you should just tell her and get on with your lives.

[asking]

I guess I'm wondering what the downside to telling her is.

Let's take the OP's worst- case scenario and say she is an outrageous gold digger MBA who wants to start a business using his money. She won't marry him unless his income is $350, 000 or more. If it's $225,000 she boots him. Obviously, if she boots him he's better off.

On the other hand, if he tells her he makes $375,000 and she stays, he doesn't know any more about her than before he told her, but he doesn't know less either. It seems to me he can only gain since if he sees her face fall at the number, he'll know she's not for him. He'll LEARN something by telling her.

If he never tells her, she finds out after they're married and THEN divorces him, taking half his assets (because she's a ruthless gold digger, remember).

So why NOT tell her? Otherwise, it just seems arbitrary and controlling and kind of dumb even.

[winding200]

His point, and many here also, is that why would she NEED to know the exact amount BEFORE she commits any further? If she loves him unconditionally, she should love him making minimum wage.

Why? There are many reasons I can think of without making her gold digger. I guess she wanted to lay out all the future plans (long term & short term) in detail with him. Nothing is wrong to make a pink color future plan in details as a girl in love who has committed relationship. She is looking for a job, and has options in terms of job market wise, and needed direction and reality check. She needs to weight out future plans in various scenario. She thought they are close enough to ask salary questions. For job seekers, salary is one of the most important questions in the period to anyone. She obviously thought he was in the same chapter with her, anxiously suggested to go to the next level together, and tried to make future plans in all the details as much as possible. She wanted to include actual numbers in the blue print. It does not mean that if the number is not big enough she will exit. Does it?

In my eyes, commitment and love is given (for her) in this situation after 1 and half years. There is no evidence she will exit if he makes minimum, I have to think she unconditionally loves him, is anxious to get a job, get married and settle down with him. He does not concern she will leave him, but rather he worries she might take advantage once he releases his salary info. He is fighting here not to give her 'the possibility'. It seems to me it is unreasonable suspicion if he automatically thinks she will be a user because she simply asked his salary info. Although, his suspicion is persistent, and the level seems deep, and there should be a hidden issue in the relationship.

My point is again, a normal couple in love should be able to talk about literarily everything after one and half years of commitment. I never thought salary information is the top secret or taboo in a relationship. If they are heading to next level and get married, his & her money will be eventually 'theirs' upon marriage. What makes difference anyway when to release the salary info? He is obviously not ready for it, and has a lot of hesitation. I wonder how is their communication besides of money. Do they have open communication for everything but money talk? Or they do not have true open communication at all?

I have 'open book policy' with my husband, we have talked about 'literary everything' include most secretive & intimate matters between us even way before we engaged, and it keeps our relationship solid and stronger everyday. I do not see this level of open communication & trust in his post.

I am not even sure what he exactly mean 'next level anymore.
However, open communication and trust is the 'MUST HAVE' element for successful relationship & happy marriage. As a woman's viewpoint, I rather marry to an average man who trust me, but not a billionaire who mistrust me, and sees me a possible user. It is insulting, and the relationship will not ever work.

[JudyKayTee]

If you can't find the answers here my friend pray to God and ask him. The Bible says that

"It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle then for a rich man to get into Heaven."

If you LOVE her then you will do what ever it takes to make her happy and if she LOVES you then she will do everything in her power to make you happy.

If none of those things work for you then make her sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

"Then MAKE her sign a pre-nup?" I have no idea what era you live in (as evidenced by some of your other posts). I also don't know that prayer is the answer to this problem nor do I understand the biblical quote. How does that pertain to this?

Lifestyle is an indicator of income in 99.9% of the men I've dated. It would appear to me that the girlfriend is more interested in how LITTLE he makes than how MUCH he makes.

[Homegirl 50]

If you don't trust a woman enough to tell her how much money you make after a year and a half, what makes you think a marriage is going to work?
That makes no sense. I think money is the issue with you and you are making it one with her.
I don't think you are ready for marriage.

[asking]

I wish Water_Fire would come back and tell us what he did. I'm so curious.