[napagirl]

Hi my live in boyfriends daughter is very jealous she is an only child and lives with us 2 days one week and six days next week. My boyfriend has been divorced for eight years from her mom and she is only child on either side and very spoiled. I have one daughter seven whom I have week on week off seven days. She is very mean bossy and controlling and has to have things her way always. She can be sweet and loving and kind but dad ignores bad behavior because he feel sorry for her because she is 80lbs overwieght and thinks she needs to see him more and can't because of mom. She treats everyone disrespectful and other children she don't want to play with them if she is not the boss. She hangs all over dad and sits on lap all the time and tries to kiss him constantly and wants to sleep with him, but he finally said no to sleeping with her. She said she is jeoulous and doesn't like me or my daughter. She has no manners or guidelines what ever she ask for she gets. I don't know what to do except ignore her and try to stay away when she comes.

[N0help4u]

I don't think staying away is the answer because that will show her that she always gets her way and she will push more and more issues to her advantage.

You need to find a way to get it across to her that it is your place and she is the kid in your home.

[Holly23]

Well okay, this is only my opinion now but from reading that it sounds like she's pushed around a lot going from one home to another.Which properly means she doesn't have a steady routine.She seems like she craves attention from her father and might feel like she has to compete with you.You mentioned she was over weight, kids are mean these days, she could be getting bullied, which would lower her self esteem, that in turn wold allow for the attention she craves off her father.And if she is being bullied that would explain why she doesn't want to play with kids when she can't be in control so she uses her anger and her rudeness etc as a defence mechanism.Instead of ignoring her,which is proberly effecting her self worth greatly, try talking to her explain that he is her daddy and no one can change that.That he loves her more than anyone in the whole world and have him reinforce that.She told you she was jealous, she's cryingout for help, so help her.Get her weight under control and shel feel so much better.Shel have new found confidence and self worth.Its only my insight, no offence intended.

[azdesertchick]

It sounds like also you let her bad bahavior get the best of you and she senses that. I know it's really hard but you need to have more one on one time with her and let her know it's because you feel like the two of you need more girl time and that you want to get to know her better. Even if you're upset and don't exactly feel this way she will (even if she doesn't show it) appreciate this and may even start to bond with you which will lead to more respect towards you and your daughter.

It's hard to give a kid attention that demands it but sometimes they are demanding it because they really do need it! But it doesn't have to be on their terms. Good luck to you!

[Jake2008]

That's a tricky situation you are in.

How long have you and your boyfriend lived together; is this relatively new for all concerned?

I think it is safe to assume that this child is also a handful at her mother's house too.

Her behaviour is consistent, an her behaviour is encouraged, and she gets what she wants.

This does not translate into her getting what she needs.

There has to be discipline, and there has to be household rules and expectations specifically for behaviour between everybody. She cannot be excluded from any family routine, or excluded from discipline, or excluded from behaviour expectations that everybody else has to follow.

She is a part of the family, not the centre of everybody's world, or more important, and thus treated differently than anybody else.

Your boyfriend and you, and if at all possible, her mother, have to set some rules!!

Sit down and list what is expected of her, including chores. She has to gain satisfaction and self esteem by being a part of the family, and contributing. She needs to know what to expect every single time she is in your home.

Her being allowed to freely do as she chooses, is not doing this kid any favours. The adults have to be adults here and draw a line in the sand. You are in charge, not her.

She has learned how to bully, to get what she thinks she needs. It did not happen overnight, and it will continue to happen when the adults do not stop her.

Sit down and write a list of common rules for your home. Include behaviour, routines, chores, sharing, rewards and punishments. Spell it out. She will get it. She is a clever girl to be able to manipulate so many adults.

Make up your mind that you are going to turn the tables on her, and take charge in your own home with simple expectations that are reasonable and fair to everyone. She is not an exception to any rule. Be prepared for a fight, because she's not going to like going from princess to a mere member of the family.

Stick to your guns. Do not give in to ANY demands, and don't be afraid to discipline!!

If you and your boyfriend don't get a grip on this now, your life will be hell, and she will be an out of control teenager before you know it.

Life comes with responsibilities and expectations. You are not doing her any favours by contributing to her thinking that she can do as she pleases.