[medina38]

I was married for 14 years, a nightmare. Years ago he cheated on me I forgave him but than I had an affair. He forgave me also. We have been back and forth separating getting back for other reasons other than the affair. Well a year ago tradegy hit home my dad passed away I had a bad childhood with my dad and had a rough life since the age of 12. I forgave my dad for what he had done and by doing so I felt a big load had been lifted and I changed. I decided to give my marriage another try. We both were now for the first time getting along and I fell in love with my husband again. I believed we finally had it right. My husband buids home and sometimes traveled. One night when he was home from his travels he was asleep and his phone rang at 3am, they left a message I of course wondered who the hell was calling. I retrieved the message and my world just fell apart. It was a women telling him he misses holding him and so on. I woke his up and would you believe he yelled at me for looking at his phone? He said he wanted nothing to do with me and to get out. We have 2 kids and I didn't go nowhere. I stayed and took it I forgave him again. I read so many text messages it mentally destroyed me. I turned to pain pills and became an addict. The pills made me knumb inside. One day he came home told me he was sorry and he had left her. Months went by and the more pills I took because we were together again but I couldn't forget.I woke up one morning looked at myself in the mirror I looked horrible. I always took care of myself but my addiction took over. I said enough I checked myself into rehab left him and had stopped the pills. Now I have had 3 affairs with married men. Ill run this by quickly for I could for days with my story. The 1st man fell in love with me after 2 months he really told his wife about me and they are now divorced. He was stupid I never told him I wanted him, I dumped him right away. 2nd one he was a lawyer older man we had sex sometimes it just faded. Now the 3rd one the one now I fell in love with him. He has no kids he can't make babies and been married 14 years they live like roomates and maybe have sex sometimes. He stays because he's comfortable With the marriage she doesn't bother him and vise versa, also stays for financial reasons. He says he is in love with me and says our situation could change in the future. But now I'm starting to question it. He has had other affairs but says this is different. I told him today I am just another affair for him and why the hell is it any different? Told him he wasn't in love with me. He says he is. To me a married man isn't looking for love, he doesn't want the emotional part, he is just looking for what he doesn't get at home as much as he wants to. Your just feeling that gap for him than he goes home to his comfort. I believe we ended it today he said he would leave me alone because he was hurting me and causing too much turmoil he said we could be friend. We work together. I fell back to my addiction a couple of weeks ago he thinks because of the affair. Why I'm I attracting married men? And why am I choosing to keep having affairs? I'm trying so hard right now not to email him and just forget him. I'm so hurt and here I am doing exactly what ended my marriage. I still love my husband crazy isn't it? But our marriage is over I can't trust just like why should I believe this married man that tells me we will be together one day? I need help I'm very depressed and upset I relapsed. Him and I not only had sex we have a lot of fun together and get along. That's all I have to say about that. My fingers are tired.

[justcurious55]

First, no more pain pills. Or any other substances. If that means back to rehab, get back there. Second, dump him. And no more married men. Better yet, for at least a little while, no more men period. Take some quality time for yourself. Any man who is married is off limits. You should know that.