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hippie · Aug 18, 2009, 10:59 AM

Me andmy boyfriend have been together for about 4 months we are engaged and we lived together since the first day we started dating. It sounds like we move fast but everything feels right. I love him and he is not only by boyfriend but my best friend he is the only one I have in this world. But he is very jealous like chick status if my phone rings or I got a text he asks who and what did they say but my phone will be in another room and I haven't even gotten qa chance to look at it yet! Or ill want to spend a couple days at my friend house and he won't let me go I have to have her come here! He works a lot and yes it bothers me but I only think I does because he never lets me do anything I have to have him with me! I only have one chick friend and the rest are guys and I'm not aloud to hang out with them! Last night we were invited to go to a fire with my ex and his girl and me and my boyfriend and my friend was over and my ex and my boyfriend are good friends they went to school and everything.. anyway... I wanted to go early because my boyfriend was still at wrk and wouldn't be home till later and I got yelled at because I wasn't going to wait for him!! Its b.s how I have to run everything by him and I can't do anything with out him. He gets mad at me for stupid all the time and then I get mad and he turns it all around on me! Then threatens to leave me because I at him!! That happened about a week ago he came home told me to pack my and leave I was so hurt and begged him to stay and I just let him wlk all over me just so he wouldn't leave me but then I found out he was tlking to his ex and sending and reciving pics and he told me he would never lie and I had a feeling bou ti the whole time and he would lie to my face and gert mad at me for accusing him when in reality he was really doing it and that was the third time he liked about his ex...

I just don't know what do it anymore I don't want to leave him because I'm so in love with him but I can't keep putting up with this and doing it to myself... what should I do??

hippie · Aug 18, 2009, 11:02 AM

HIPPPIE-
Oh you and he is always all over me and everything its so annnoying how do I get him to baack off??

nikki0846 · Aug 18, 2009, 11:14 AM

Wow, sounds like you have got a lot on your hands, Believe me I know all about the moving fast and jealousy, my fiancé and I have been together for two yrs and he works out of town most of the time, which makes him very jealous. I was just like you, I had all guy friends and what not, but you have to make a choice, which one is more important, your guy friends or "the love of your life" lets face it, no guys likes to feel threatened by another guy and that's exactly what happens when you want to hang out with your guys friends while he isn't around. As far as him still talking to his ex, give him an ultimatium either its you or her and if he chooses her yeah its going to hurt like hell, but at least you didn't waste half your life on someone who didn't love you

N0help4u · Aug 18, 2009, 11:24 AM

Threatening
Begging

You need to get away from the control freak asap. When he told you to pack you should have RAN.

I guarantee it will only get worse!

Like Nikki said you can't be hanging around other guys and not expect your boyfriend to be upset with you but his issues sound deeper than your situation.

ZoeMarie · Aug 18, 2009, 11:29 AM

It sounds to me like the bad outweighs the good. You've only been together for 4 months. That isn't very long. You're still getting to know each other. It may have felt right at the beginning before you got to know how controlling and jealous he is.

I would get out of this situation. There's no need to get stuck in it by getting married.

s_cianci · Aug 18, 2009, 11:36 AM

Whoa! Slow down to about 78 RPM here first of all. Living together since "the first day you started dating?" And engaged after only 4 months?

it sounds like we move fast but everything feels right

No, it doesn't ; otherwise you wouldn't be on here posting. It sure doesn't sound right, that's for sure. You're "so in love with him" yet you "can't keep putting up with this." Well I don't blame you for that ; I wouldn't put up with it either. It sounds like you're in a very unhealthy situation. He is extremely controlling and possessive. I'm sorry, but he hardly sounds very lovable to me. And I doubt that things will get any better.

hippie · Aug 18, 2009, 12:10 PM

Threads merged, and edited.

I want to know how I can get him to back off a lill bit so I can breath and have space every ten sec he wants a kiss and if its not good or long enough I hve to give another one and I always have to be snuggling with him and up his azzz ugh I'm 18 and smart and beautiful I want to live life and I want to with him but he keep holding me back and not giving me air to breath

ZoeMarie · Aug 18, 2009, 12:14 PM

Sounds to me like you need to have a long talk with him. I was curious if you'd already set a date for the wedding since you said you were engaged. Marriage isn't something to rush into, especially when you're asking how to get him to back off. That's a good indication that this relationship isn't going to work.

hippie · Aug 18, 2009, 12:21 PM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

Sounds to me like you need to have a long talk with him. I was curious if you'd already set a date for the wedding since you said you were engaged. Marriage isn't something to rush into, especially when you're asking how to get him to back off. That's a good indication that this relationship isn't going to work.

We plann to get marrie next summer in June

ZoeMarie · Aug 18, 2009, 12:24 PM

You're 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't settle for the jealous and controlling boyfriend. Trust me. Do a lot of thinking before you make any kind of wedding plans.

jmjoseph · Aug 18, 2009, 12:34 PM

Originally Posted by hippie

i just wrote another post bout my controlling jealous boyfriend but i wanna know how i can get him to back off a lill bit so i can breath and have space every ten sec he wants a kiss and if its not good or long enough i hve to give another one and i always have to be snuggling with him and up his azzz ugh im 18 and smart and beautiful i wanna live life and i wanna with him but he keep holding me back and not giving me air to breath

Wow, smart and beautiful.

If you truly want to live life, don't get married so young. You'll regret it.

Tell him to stop smothering you. Tell him how you feel about it.

How is he holding you back?

Gemini54 · Aug 19, 2009, 03:42 AM

Eeew. Sorry, he sounds like he has no idea about your feelings and he doesn't listen to you and worse still, you've already identified him as controlling.

You're too young (IMHO), and he's a control freak that thinks he owns you.

If he's like this now, how will be in 6 months, a year, two years? Scary.
This relationship is big trouble.

Pull that engagement ring off your finger, peel his mouth off your lips and run. Fast.

N0help4u · Aug 19, 2009, 05:16 AM

He sounds like he is insecure and/or low self esteem which is being expressed through needy and clingy. You need to just be blunt with him and tell him that he doesn't need to be your shadow and if you aren't kissing on him constantly it doesn't mean you don't love him.
Let him know you need your space.

Is he jealous too?

Usually it is the girl that is the clingy one in the relationship so these articles were written for clingy girls but they might give you a better idea what you are dealing with and how to deal with him.

Get Help In Overcoming Rejection and Insecurity In Relationships
Site mentions hypnotism but your boyfriend doesn't need that

OAIM Insecurity

HelpinHere · Aug 19, 2009, 11:54 AM

Tell him you need space.
If he doesn't give it to you, for any reason, then he doesn't respect you.

It doesn't matter why he does what he does, since this isn't about him. Do NOT marry him, it would be a mistake, and hold you back in life. Instead, get away from him, and live your life, instead of living as his teddy bear.

BMI · Aug 19, 2009, 11:59 AM

I'd not go so far as to label him a control freak. Perhaps he's insecure as NoHelp suggests.

Also, as Zoe mentioned, if this is a huge problem than perhaps marriage is not the solution.

talaniman · Aug 19, 2009, 03:31 PM

I think your getting the downside of being with him, and its something to think about.

Another thing is, if you can't get him to let you breath a little, how are you going to be married. If you can't talk to him and tell him what you need, then you sure shouldn't get married.

I wish · Aug 20, 2009, 06:13 PM

There are too many obstacles for the two of you to be happy.

Furthermore, just by reading your title, you already pointed out a HUGE red flag.

Controlling = a no-no

Successful relationships require a little space and respect.

helpmepleaseee · Aug 21, 2009, 02:33 AM

Most people who are jealous of their partners with the opposite sex have something to hide in my opinion. There is a possibility that this is not the case and he was just hurt in the past. I would assume that since he has been texting his ex and hiding it from you, that is the reason for his irrationality. Whatever the case is, until he changes, I would suggest slowing things down, talking to him, maybe even moving on. For God's sake don't marry him!

danielnoahsmommy · Aug 21, 2009, 02:42 AM

Be careful, when he feels like he is losing control of you he may change and become abusive. At the first sign of abuse, run like the wind and don't turn back

Sariss · Aug 21, 2009, 12:03 PM

No, no no.
This is EXACTLY what my last relationship was like. Please get out of it before it is too late. Mine became abusive, and I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE.