[little missy]

I am pregnant not yet had my child but I want to know what I am doing before its late.
The father of my child and I were never together. Once I got pregnant it was a dip and run. He knows I'm pregnant. Never calls. Never goes to the appointments. Never asks about the baby nothing. Made a few comments about signing over his rights. Refused to leave an address for me to send dna requests. Well now he is aware I am getting married. And told me he Won't sign over rights. I don't want his money. Never did. BUt I'm angry he can go around saying he has a daughter on the way and that he doesn't give two s less about her. What can I do? I will be moving to another state. I know that he won't take it to court to see her. He doesn't care. My fiancé wants to sign the BC and we will be married when she is born. We could just not say a thing and do it. He would never bother us, but it bothers me to know he is going to be hundreds of miles away claming a child that belongs to my husband. I know that if I go to court for child support he will be granted some sort of custody right? I don't trust him with her and really not when I'm hundreds of miles away! No way money is not that urgent to me. What can I do? He doesn't care about her he just is angry I'm getting married. He wants me. if he can't have me he doesn't want her.

[N0help4u]

But it bothers me to know he is going to be hundreds of miles away claming a child that belongs to my husband.
Why should it bother you that he is hundreds of miles away telling perfect strangers that he has a daughter to some woman they do not know?

I know that if I go to court for child support he will be granted some sort of custody right?
Wrong NO he would not be granted custody/visitation for you filing for support.
He would have to file for custody/visitation.
They are two separate things BUT he could file for the custody/visitation for spite that you went after him for support.

[stevetcg]

Your fiancée could sign the BC, sure. But if the ex decides to be difficult, your fiancée and you could both be charged with purjury (falsifying a government document) which is a felony.

Best to do it the right way... when the child is born, file for child support. Sure, he can counterfile for visitation, but it doesn't sound like that's something he is interested in. Particularly since you will be hundreds of miles away and you can make a solid argument that overnights should be curtailed for the period of breastfeeding.

A year of paying support should change his mind to allowing the adoption. You will most likely have to wait that long anyway since most states require being married for a year before a stepparent adoption can proceed.

[ScottGem]

First, please pay more attention to posting rules. There is a Read first sticky on the top of the Adoption forum (where this was moved from) that directs legal questions to this forum.

Second, Steve is right. If your fiancée signs the because you could be charged with perjury. Will you be moving prior to the birth? If not, the bio father could file for custody immediately after the child was born, which could prevent you from moving.

If you get married PRIOR to the birth, the laws of your state might assume your husband as the father unless challenged.

Frankly, I would be looking for an attorney to advise you on your rights here. This is actually a sticky situation and you need to handle it legally.

[N0help4u]

Yeah I think everything is contingent on what the father challenges. It doesn't sound like he really cares all that much, but may do something possibly just to make things difficult on you.

[Synnen]

but it bothers me to know he is going to be hundreds of miles away claming a child that belongs to my husband.

It bothers ME that you would lie to your child for your child's entire LIFE about what your child's biological heritage is.

May Karma bite you in the if you decide that somehow you can deny the biological father's existance---and it will probably be in the form of some inherited disease (or simple blood type) when the child is a teenager and it's impossible to explain WHY lying to YOU is bad, when YOU lied to your child for the child's whole life!

Do it legally, and explain to your child that he/she was adopted at birth or shortly after.

I agree with Scott---get a lawyer.

[little missy]

It bothers ME that you would lie to your child for your child's entire LIFE about what your child's biological heritage is.

May Karma bite you in the if you decide that somehow you can deny the biological father's existance---and it will probably be in the form of some inherited disease (or simple blood type) when the child is a teenager and it's impossible to explain WHY lying to YOU is bad, when YOU lied to your child for the child's whole life!

Do it legally, and explain to your child that he/she was adopted at birth or shortly after.

I agree with Scott---get a lawyer.

It is not that I am denying him. He isn't stable. He has another son age 4 who doesn't even know him and lives about 3 blocks over.. that's sad. I don't want that for my daughter. When she is old enough I will tell her, and I'm not innocent and she will know that as well. But in the mean time. I need to stability for her. Why can he call himself a father yet not call not contact.. I had to beg him to see her ultrasound pictures! That's a father? Yet he had the never to ask me.. don't request child support please.. so basically he doesn't want to see her doesn't care to see her and doesn't want to pay for her. But be able to walk around saying "thats my daughter" would you be that way to your kids?

[little missy]

First, please pay more attention to posting rules. There is a Read first sticky on the top of the Adoption forum (where this was moved from) that directs legal questions to this forum.

Second, Steve is right. If your fiancee signs the bc you could be charged with perjury. Will you be moving prior to the birth? If not, the bio father could file for custody immediately after the child was born, which could prevent you from moving.

If you get married PRIOR to the birth, the laws of your state might assume your husband as the father unless challenged.

Frankly, I would be looking for an attorney to advise you on your rights here. This is actually a sticky situation and you need to handle it legally.

We are getting married September 25th and the baby isn't coming until December.

[stevetcg]

I sometimes call myself Batman. Doesn't mean I have a cape and mask.

Why does it matter what he says? Actions are the only thing that matter. Who cares what he calls himself.

And go after child support. You owe it to your child.

[Synnen]

I repeat:

Get a lawyer.

State laws vary on legal paternity if the mother is married at the time the child is born.

[Justwantfair]

but it bothers me to know he is going to be hundreds of miles away claming a child that belongs to my husband.

It is not that i am denying him.

That sounds a lot like denial to me.
You created a child together, you can't undo the fact with all of the wishing in the world.
My child's father was a deadbeat until my son was twelve years old and old enough to care for himself and play video games with his father.
Is he the world's greatest parent? No, but could I have ever just told my son that and he would understand, no. He has a step-father in his life whom he adores, but he will never and I will never break the bond of heritary.
You owe your child the truth from the start and be prepared if you do not handle this legally with an attorney, or you may pay for the mistake of not handling it legally later.

You have eighteen years for this man to 'grow up' and many of them do. You have eighteen years that you are obligating someone to a role that they didn't achieve in what appears to be a very short lived relationship. Don't jump too quickly to make lifelong choices.

[ScottGem]

So, yes, you need to get yourself an attorney to see what you can legally do.

I call myself a male because I have all the physical aspects of a male. He can call himself a father because he contributed the sperm to create this child. Calling himself a good father is a whole other matter.

The issue you have to face is that he has rights because he performed the male portion of conception. Just as you will call yourself a mother because you contributed the role of the female in the birth of this child. Will you be a good mother? I have no idea.

But because he contributed the male portion, he has rights that can only be taken away under very limited circumstances. You need to know how to LEGALLY deal with that. Get a lawyer.

[jewelie27786]

What state do you live in cause I live in Florida and I'm going through the same thing only my daughter is five. I found this form for Florida and it covers before the baby is born.

IN THE CIRCUIT COURT OF THE JUDICIAL CIRCUIT,
IN AND FOR COUNTY, FLORIDA
Case No.:
Division:
IN THE MATTER OF THE ADOPTION OF
,
Adoptee(s).
AFFIDAVIT OF NONPATERNITY
I, {full legal name} , have personal knowledge of
The facts stated in this affidavit and certify that the following statements are true:
1. I have been told that {name} has a child. I do not wish to
And shall not establish or claim paternity for this child, whose name is and
Whose date of birth is .
2. The child referenced in this affidavit was not conceived or born while the birth mother
Was married to me. I AM NOT MARRIED TO THE BIRTH MOTHER, nor do I intend
To marry the birth mother.
3. The child has not been established to be my child in any court proceeding and I have not
Adopted this child.
4. I have no interest in assuming the responsibilities of parenthood for this child. I have not
Acknowledged and will not acknowledge in writing that I am the father of this child or will
Not institute court proceedings to establish the child as mine.
5. I do not object to any decision or arrangements the birth mother makes regarding this child,
Including adoption.
6. I understand my right to choose a person who does not have an employment, professional,
Or personal relationship with the adoption entity or the prospective adoptive parents to be
Present when this affidavit is executed and to sign it as a witness. The witness I selected is
{full legal name} .
7. I am executing this affidavit freely and voluntarily and I understand that it can only be
Withdrawn if the court finds it was executed by fraud or duress.
I WAIVE NOTICE OF ANY AND ALL PROCEEDINGS TO TERMINATE PARENTAL RIGHTS
OR FINALIZE AN ADOPTION UNDER CHAPTER 63, FLORIDA STATUTES.

[s_cianci]

First of all, I wouldn't advocate having your fiancé fraudulently sign the birth certificate. But, and I'm not trying to be smart or anything, are you actually sure who the father is? After all, you started seeing your now-fiancé shortly after having sex with this other man. Is there a chance that your fiancé could actually be the father? You indicate that this guy (who you're presuming to be the father) is not letting you know of his whereabouts, presumably to avoid DNA testing. However, DNA testing is the only way to establish paternity in this situation. And, with few exceptions, no adoption can take place without the biological father's consent. So if he won't give it, then your fiancé can't adopt your daughter. But I do feel that a support order should be established for your daughter as she's entitled to that. And no, taking him to court for child support won't automatically grant him some sort of custody ; he has to ask for it in a separate motion of his own. If he does, it can be heard at the same time as your child support motion. But also, just as your daughter is entitled to financial support from her father, she is also entitled to have a relationship with her father and he is likewise entitled to that same relationship with her. Now if he truly doesn't care and won't bother than that's unfortunate and there really isn't much you can do to force his hand in that matter. But you can still (and should) collect child support from him. Now, obviously, you can't file any motions and have any DNA testing done until the birth. But you are wise to want to be forewarned.

[ScottGem]

what state do you live in cause i live in florida and im going through the same thing only my daughter is five. i found this form for florida and it covers before the baby is born.

And what do you think this accomplishes? The form you posted is applicable, ONLY if someone is willing to adopt the child and if the father is unknown. The mother would need to get ALL potential fathers to sign that form and then be submitted as part of the adoption petition.

It is NOT applicable to the OP's situation.

[MsMewiththat]

Scott has agreat point, no judgment being passed here but pregnancy is nine months. You are pregnant by one man and just that fast engaged to and marrying a different man? Are you certain on paternity?