[George Leigh]

My mother passed away a few years ago. My youngest sister has now come up with some extremely tasteless merchandise that she is trying to sell via the internet, some things like T shirts and trinkets, similar to the caylee sunshine doll idea. She is posting my Mom's picture and personal info like her birth date and maiden name on line for the whole world to see. Well she has done stuff like this to other people she knows too, not just my mom, but does she have any right to do this to my mom? Shouldn't the family have a say in it? Can she actually profit in this way?
Second part to the question--my sister was my mom's power of attorney before she died from old age at 86. Mom had a preplanned, prepaid funeral arrangement and even wrote out her own obituary etc. After she died, at the funeral home, we found out my sister had altered some of those arrangements, i.e. she had written herself in in the margins of the form that she was to get mom's U.S. veteran's flag and give a speech at her funeral. Could she legally do that having power of attorney, or did she overstep? The original form was in my mom's handwriting and filled out long ago before she was ill.
The oldest child should get the flag (my father has already passed) and she gave a very tasteless speech at his service, like she was drunk and thought that was a celebrity roast instead of a funeral.
Mom lived in Pennsylvania, sister lives in Spokane WA

[stevetcg]

Can she? Depends... is there some reason why the world at large might want something with your mother's picture on it?

[George Leigh]

She is printing this stuff and using the pictures in a catalog of stuff she sells, also trying to peddle it to relatives, which is how I saw it. She is just money hungry like a dope fiend or something basically, I mean she was trying to have my mom's body donated to science so she could claim a tax deduction for it. How low can you go?

[stevetcg]

Whether she can make money off it legally, I would venture to guess that yes, she can. A lawyer would be able to tell you if you are entitled to any of it as a surviving member of the deceased's estate. I doubt you would be though since I *guess* the pictures are your sister's property.

I doubt she WILL make enough money to make it worth pursuing in court, however.

Being low classed is not a legal issue. It's a moral one... and courts (try not to) judge morality.

[George Leigh]

Ok but her posting my mother's maiden name, that's like some of my personal information as well, you know? You use that kind of stuff to access my credit records and do ID theft. Also I'm concerned about what the other relatives think of us because of it, sort of a guilt by association thing? That we ought to reign in our sister or something. I mean, we hardly know some of them personally past the first few cousins and aunts that live in our state, but they would have a pretty poor opinion of us because of hearing from her?

[stevetcg]

Ok but her posting my mother's maiden name, that's like some of my personal information as well, you know? You use that kind of stuff to access my credit records and do ID theft. Also I'm concerned about what the other relatives think of us because of it, sort of a guilt by association thing? That we ought to reign in our sister or something. I mean, we hardly know some of them personally past the first few cousins and aunts that live in our state, but they would have a pretty poor opinion of us because of hearing from her?

You could look into a cease and desist order (or whatever they call them in your state).

How is she posting your personal identification information? By posting your mother's maiden name? You do realize that its really not a secret right? Its information accessible to anyone that cares enough to search for it. Its just asked for a security question because it is not something that your typical ID thief would regularly have at his fingertips.

Honestly, I do not believe a court will get involved in any of this. Courts tend to not like to get involved in family squabbles.

[ScottGem]

First, a POA becomes invalid at the moment of a person's death. So if she used the POA to change some of your mom's preordered arrangements then the POA was used illegally.

As for the rest, its up to the executor of Mom's estate to protest use of mom's info for monetary gain. Legally, I would think any money made off her image would have to go to the estate.

[stevetcg]

First, a POA becomes invalid at the moment of a person's death. So if she used the POA to change some of your mom's preordered arrangments then the POA was used illegally.

As for the rest, its up to the executor of Mom's estate to protest use of mom's info for monetary gain. Legally, I would think any money made off her image would have to go to the estate.

I think it gets into an arguable area though since aren't the photos the property of the owner? It doesn't seem that the sister is profiting off the image of the mother, but the image itself.

Its not like a picture of Michael Jackson where she is profiting off the image because it is of MJ.

[George Leigh]

That's cool to think about, we could slap her with a lawsuit where she'd have to detail exactly who she told what when about us, and there are a lot of her stories floating around, she posted some on this site too so we're talking class action suit if we got all her victims involved. But it would never pay off. But it's nice to think about.

[stevetcg]

That's cool to think about, we could slap her with a lawsuit where she'd have to detail exactly who she told what when about us, and there are a lot of her stories floating around, she posted some on this site too so we're talking class action suit if we got all her victims involved. But it would never pay off. But it's nice to think about.

Im not trying to argue with you, but you use the term victim like something horrible has happened to you (aside from losing a parent).

Im sorry, but we see a lot of victims here. You are not one.

[George Leigh]

I agree, I didn't mean to say I felt I was a victim. She is just pretty much of a con artist, a drunk, unemployed, and has not held down a job in 20 years. Yet she is constantly calling our relatives asking for money to invest for her latest get rich quick scheme. Many of them are elderly, in their 80's as well, with financial problems of their own. I'm just fed up.

[stevetcg]

I agree, I didn't mean to say I felt I was a victim. She is just pretty much of a con artist, a drunk, unemployed, and has not held down a job in 20 years. Yet she is constantly calling our relatives asking for money to invest for her latest get rich quick scheme. Many of them are elderly, in their 80's as well, with financial problems of their own. I'm just fed up.

I hear you. Sorry to tee off on you... it's a pet peeve of mine. I do volunteer work with domestic abuse victims, so I am sort of sensitive to the word.

Its not much consolation, but every family has one.

[George Leigh]

That's another one of her scams. Constantly posting online about her unhappy and abused childhood, although she didn't complain to anyone about it at the time it supposedly happened, and most of her abuse stories are 20 years old. Just pulls out a story about how she was so horribly abused anytime she wants sympathy or needs a sob story, just like a perv with his help me find my lost puppy routine. I don't mean to say I think abuse victims are making it up, just that she is.

[George Leigh]

Well my thoughts are:
Does being POA give her the right to make decisions that personally enrich or benefit only her? Like my mom's service was prepaid, by my mom when she was healthy, also stated the same arrangements as a paragraph in her will, and by changing it we didn't get was was paid for?

I guess I need to study whether she did it before or after my mom died, don't know for certain.

Her reason for wanting the flag, her husband is a Civil war reenactor and buys and sells military items, they would probably sell it. Ditto for wanting to "run" the funeral, she wanted to lay claim to the small amount of money the VA pays for a funeral. Also I guess the dead woman was getting too much attention, so she needed to put on a show and get the attention back on her.

[stevetcg]

Any money recovered from the prepay or VA belongs to your mom's estate and should be handled by the executor of the estate in accordance with the will/local laws of probate.

If your sister took that money, no, that is illegal.

[asking]

George, to me it sounds like you are way over reacting to the things your sister is doing, which suggests that this is part of how you are grieving your mother. When did she die? Also, what was your relationship with your mother like? Were you a favorite, or was there tension between you?

Edit: It's unclear to me if the estate still exists. Who was the executor and has the estate been settled or not yet? Was there a trust or did it go through probate?

[George Leigh]

ASKING:
In answer to your questions.
Mom died one year ago, last August, Dad two years before her.
Mom and I lived in neighboring small towns in central Pennsylvania, sister lives on west coast.
I was pretty close to my mom, youngest sister that I'm upset with basically made both my parents lives a living hell. As I said an alcoholic, but she lived at home rent free and not contributing to the household as far as cooking, cleaning, buying food etc. until she was in her mid thirties, she's 47 now. Mom and dad paid for nice family vacations, put her through 4 years of college, bought her a Lincoln towncar, etc. We lived in a pretty exclusive suburb as kids, I moved out on my own at 18 and supported myself after that. So if her life was so horrid, why hang around and sponge off the folks until you're 36?
I guess my concern is, can she somehow come after us for stuff she wants and feels she hasn't gotten, for instance my older sister was the estate executor and nixed her plans to help herself to everything like I've described. She signed a statement accepting her share of the estate (we all did) and releasing the executor from any responsibility. So I guess it's over, except like I said she's trying to use mom's image now. I guess you are right, IO should just ignore it, she's pretty whacko. Just, like I don't want all our neighbors and the relatives to know all this stuff. She is always using her stories to con people into giving her money.

[mathtutor]

While your sister's behavior may be repulsive, unfortunately it really doesn't sound like she's done anything illegal, unless she uses your mother's personal information to attempt some sort of fraud, similar to what happens when stealing the identity of a living person. As POA she could appropriate your mother's personal possessions to herself unless her will or some other written document signed by her stipulates otherwise.

[George Leigh]

Sorry Asking I got cut off on Saturday, I cancelled my internet and cable service and have to rely on a Wifi which is sort of touch and go.

OK everyone I'm convinced she made the change after my mom died. I have emails from her right after mom died where she appears not to know anything about those changes, later on she changes her story and starts mailing everyone copies of this form. It was a copy she was showing us, not an original, so it would be easy for her to take a copy, alter it, and then make a copy of her alterations to make it look like a copy of the original. And the funeral home did not know either. So I don't have to worry about that, she does.

I guess we are getting pretty far off topic of family law by now, sorry.

The estate was not probated. Mom owed no one, no credit cards, she had private insurance for her medical bills, her house was paid off. Her will stated that each child got an equal share. We were told we could save money like court and legal fees by not going through probate. Was that a mistake? Also is there some sort of statute of limitations on how long sister can wait before dragging us through it again? The estate is closed, has distributed it's assets.

Basically we were the heirs, no one else has a claim so if we are OK with it and all the taxes were paid it's over, am I right in thinking so? From what you all have advised me no judge is going to listen to her complain about it wasn't fair and nitpick.

[asking]

Hi George,
I was busy weekend, but wanted to answer back. I think it's as you and others have said. Your sister is a bit whacko and objectionable in a lot she is doing, but not doing anything illegal. I don't see how you can be held responsible for her actions.

So many of us have relatives we don't care for. Rather than trying to stop her, I think you would be a happier person if you just ignored her. I wouldn't get involved in anything she's up to!

Your mother's death is very recent. I think a year is a short time. My father died in 2005 and I'm just starting to feel pretty normal about it. There's so much to process after losing a parent. I don't mean that we are in deep mourning, just gradually adjusting to a new role and a life without that person who is so important. Things push our buttons that weren't issues before and we have to learn to recognize some of that.

About difficult siblings, I was one of three sisters to inherit a small house from our father. He named all three of us executors (don't ever do this to your children!) but I ended up doing most of the work, basically because they wouldn't or couldn't do anything. Somebody told me that if you are the executor, everyone hates you and doesn't appreciate anything you've done; and if you are not the executor, you got cheated by the greedy, money-grasping executor. So true!

I think we all sympathize with your position and hope it blows over.
Good luck!