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Sorrento9 · Aug 11, 2009, 05:38 AM

Ok, well, my boyfriend and I (only 8 months but it was lovely) have broken up. We actually broke up about three weeks ago originally, him saying he just didn't feel like we were right together. I did not contact him at all and four days later he started texting and calling, all day everyday whether I replied or not. So we met up for lunch and he said he wanted us to start dating each other again. Which we did. During this "dating period" he was lovely, exactly as we were together before. I never suggested doing anything because I was a little scared and wanted to see how things went, and he suggested seeing each other roughly three/four times every week.

But suddenly last Thursday he turned around and said "I'm not definitely sure we will get back together by the way, I think we have some deciding to do". I said that I had made it clear how I felt and therefore he was the one who had some deciding to do. After that, he didn't contact me for the rest of the day, so I called and asked what the matter was and he said "I just don't think I'm in love" and so its over. He is adamant that we remain friends and doesn't want to 'lose me' but he said this the last time and we ended up back dating. So I left it up to him to contact me, which he did on Friday and Saturday day.

We both had plans to go out on Saturday (seperately) and while I was out I got several messages from him (along the lines of "I'm sorry" "You are amazing and I am horrible" "I want to see you" and "night night my lovely xx"). Having ignored these, I get a phone call which I answered and I could hear a guy in the background saying "are you calling ______ (my name)? you've got it bad haven't you".

During this same night I bumped into his best friend, who proceeded to tell me how my ex loves me and still won't stop talking about me all the time (I didn't actually ask anything about my ex, he just volunteered the info).

Sunday he was texting me saying he wanted to get a chinese but would have too much to eat, so I suggested he ask his friend round and he ignored this suggestion and asked me to join him. When I said I'd already eaten, he asked me to come over and watch a film. Stupidly I said OK, went and watched a film and nothing happened. When the film was over I got my stuff together and he said "would you like to stay here?" I said no and left. And then I got a long message on my way home explaining he didn't mean anything by the staying, he meant just to sleep etc and that he'd had a lovely evening.

Once again I am very confused. Is this his way of being friends? Or is there more to it? I'm heartbroken, but I really don't want to not speak to him. What should I do?

kctiger · Aug 11, 2009, 05:50 AM

Ignore his calls, but before hand tell him point blank he needs to quit playing games with you. Remaining friends is not an option when it is clear so many emotions are running through both of you. He can't just break up with you and expect you to be around when he is lonely... that's not fair.

Be honest with him, and with yourself. Until the games stop no one can truly move on and see things logically.

asking · Aug 11, 2009, 05:56 AM

It's time for you to say no to him. You've been patient with his indecision, but enough now.

This is a man who cannot even commit to a relationship one week at a time, yet insists on contacting you and seeing you every day. He's got issues that should not be your problem.

Sorrento9 · Aug 11, 2009, 06:00 AM

Thank you for replying, and being so clear about it all. I am very muddled so I kind of need that sort of direction until I can do it myself again.

I shouldn't have gone on Sunday but part of me was curious. I'm just glad I said no to staying at least.

I will wait to see if he initiates contact again, and if he does I will then tell him to stop playing the games.

He called me last night and I missed it so I text just saying, sorry was busy. You called? He called back claiming to want to chat and then told me all about his day etc and apologised for not being in touch earlier in the day (no idea why, as I haven't contacted him at all). Nothing so far today so maybe he's eased his guilt now and I won't hear again. Who knows.

asking · Aug 11, 2009, 06:56 AM

He apologized for not calling earlier? :) I am pretty sure you will hear from him again. He seems to like the ambiguity.

Tell him you want no contact and then ignore him completely.

amicon · Aug 11, 2009, 06:56 AM

You don't need this.he can't make his mind up and he leaves you on an emotional rollercoaster. Go N C. Best of luck.

Sorrento9 · Aug 11, 2009, 06:59 AM

Ok - thank you eeryone. I am going to try my best at this. I really hope he comes back, but I only want that if a) he is definitely sure and b) its of his own free will, so NC seems the way for me to go. And as a bonus I'll feel better regardless of his decision in the end, right?

Sorrento9 · Aug 11, 2009, 07:34 AM

Yeah, its pretty hard. But I know I can get through it either way. I really thought he was the one for me, and its getting used to the idea that he may not be that's hurting the most. :confused:Never mind. I am going to try and say about NC to him if/when I hear next. If I don't hear from him, I'm not going to contact him just to say about NC, as that seems to defeat the object.

If it's meant to be then it will be, and if he truly cares he will find a way to make it known clearly. (don't get me wrong, at the moment I'm on the "up swing", hence sounding positive. Im pretty sure I will end up back on here soon enough on the "down")... break ups are fabulous aren't they!:(

Sorrento9 · Aug 12, 2009, 04:47 AM

Hmmm... I'm having a bit of a difficult day now. Yesterday he sent an email around lunchtime asking how my day was. I text him in the evening just saying day was really busy and he replied saying his was too. I haven't heard anything from him again now, and I'm really struggling. I just don't understand why this all had to happen like this. He should have left me the space when we broke up, but instead now I am yet again the one being hurt, and I'm not making any progress in accepting it being over or moving on.

Sorry, just having a bit of a moan. If anyone has any tips on how to get on with this all I'd love to hear them. NC is in progress and its just as painful as being in contact was over the weekend.

amicon · Aug 12, 2009, 05:05 AM

Go cold turkey-no texts no emails etc. and don't reply to any either.delete his number etc etc.yes its tough but it will get better!

sully123 · Aug 12, 2009, 05:11 AM

Sounds too me he is very mixed up guy. I would do my own thing right now. You don't need that back and forth emotional roller coaster. I would do NC for now, sounds to me its game playing for him.

babyygirllx3 · Aug 12, 2009, 05:22 AM

Deleted for chat/text, and some very bad spelling. What a shame since the advice is good-Moderator

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html

amicon · Aug 12, 2009, 06:05 AM

NC is tough but its working for me.I m sort more often than not quite happy with myself again.

talaniman · Aug 12, 2009, 06:50 AM

If anyone has any tips on how to get on with this all I'd love to hear them. NC is in progress and its just as painful as being in contact was over the weekend.

Sorry Sorrento, but you haven't done the NC yet. That's when you cut all contact with him, and that includes texts, and chit chats. You have a better chance at the friends thing a lot later after you have gone through the healing process. Until then, you have to do what ever it takes to keep him out of your life, and I already know how hard that is. Anything less than NC, only prolongs the misery, and pain, of the break up and makes it that much harder, to get stability back.

amicon · Aug 12, 2009, 07:49 AM

You can do it. Good luck.

Jordan Christin · Aug 13, 2009, 07:34 PM

Well I think that you should stay away from this guy and the more you go out the more its going to get harder. What you should do is take his number off your phone that way you can forget about him. But if you see him at lunch and he starts to talk to him just talk to him like a normal friend. Maybe you can say, hey what is up, or what's going on and then tell him that you have to go and do something.

Jordan Christin · Aug 14, 2009, 05:22 PM

All I can say for you is to forget all about him. Do things you enjoy or do things that you always wanted to do. The best thing is that there are tons of other cute guys that you can flirt with and put yourself out there for!