[Mahlia513]

My boyfriend broke up with me exactly two weeks from today and he still calls me all the time everyday. He has so much pride about our situation and is showing me a side of him that I've never seen. During our relationship I felt so safe and found comfort in him like nothing else in my life. He claims that he still loves me and wants to remain best friends, but its very hard on me. I am too afraid to stop answering his calls though because I am so afraid of letting go of him and the comfort and safeness that I knew when I was with him. I'm so afraid that I won't ever find anybody who I loved as much as I did him. He was my first love and I'm 18. I was with him for a year and a half and we never had sex. My culture is very strict and my parents raised me with good morals so having sex with him was never an option for me and he knew that. I'm having a really hard time dealing with the fact that I have to move on because I don't want to move on. I don't ever want to be touched or kissed my another boy. The thought of it makes me feel gross. I just wish for even a second that I could have back that feeling of being safe and comfortable with him when he was kissing my forehead and holding my hand. I'm just flat of terrified. I want him back more then anything in the world. I never would have guessed in a million years that he would have broke up with me. I'm trying to be good about it and I'm not acting needy or desperate when in reality I just want to call him and tell him that he made a huge mistake and that I love him to death. I know he still has very strong feelings for me. The other day we ran into each other AKA AWKARD.haha. And he called me afterwards and sounded very concerned and said that we needed to talk of a couple of things the next day. When he called me the next day, I asked him what he needed to talk about and he said he just wanted to tell me that it was really hard seeing me yesterday because it makes things a little bit more real. Why is he acting like such a hard ? Excuse my language... How can someone who I KNOW is a softhearted, kind, sweet person turn to such a cold hearted person who I feel like I barely know? When he broke up with me I felt like he had a bi polar moment and freaked out because we were in an argument. I really need adivce on how to get him back. I am the kind of girl who wants what she can't have and when I want something and don't get it... I GO CRAZY. I know that sounds bad but I'm just being honest about who I am. I feel like he is just playing games and trying to hurt my feelings right now. I don't know why though. Please I need a guys advice and someone to explain to me WHYYYYYY he is acting like this. Every time I try to talk to him about it he gets mad and all weird. I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS COMPLETELY TURNED MY WORLD UPSIDE DOWN. THIS IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE PERSON OF WHAT I KNEW HIM TO BE. I SWEAR ME OR MY FRIENDS NEVER SAW IT COMING. I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HOW CAN SOMETHING THAT I WAS SO SURE IN BE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN? I FEEL AS IF I WILL NEVER TRUST AGAIN AND I FEEL AS IF THERE TRULY ARE NO GOOD GUYS IN THE WORLD. IM DESPERATE.

[valinors_sorrow]

I am sorry for your loss, Mahlia. Its never easy to lose trust in someone or a relationship. I know it hurts a lot. However, there is more going on here than just that and with all due respect sweetie its something that a little growing up will greatly help. Fortunately, time and some mindfulness and work on your part will make that possible. I know that isn't what you thought you'd hear so please bear with me and consider a few things I said to a young man in very similar circumstances to yours in this post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post184745

One of the most obvious things I have noticed is you have stuck yourself in limbo, reliving the original hurt over and over instead of really ended it and letting the natural process take its course. I believe you do have a choice in that decision. The only way out of this is to do the thing that makes the pain lessen a little every day. That means it is over and you have absolutely no contact at all with each other. That you have so little self protection ability speaks of your youth and inexperience. If you aren't strong enough to do that by yourself, then I would suggest you get some help from someone, somewhere in your face-to-face world to help you accomplish that-- an older girlfriend or your parents. I want to assure you that moving on is doable. You can't claim you are a victim when you are doing it to yourself, you know and you are perilously close to beginning a pattern like that which could cause you great harm for a long time to come.

If you have any questions on anything I said, I will answer them. My intentions are to tell you the truth as best I can and the tough ones gently too because I know you are fragile right now.

[talaniman]

In your other posts, the advice was to leave this loser alone. Again if you cut contact all the way off then you can get over this idiot who keeps you on this emotional rollercoaster. The fact that you have made a second thread with the same story tells me you didn't want to hear what was told you before so that only leaves two choices !-accept that he is gone and move on or 2-Be the fool for his ego and continue to be used and stay on that roller coaster. Grow up and heal yourself and cut contact AND tell him not to contact you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...art-37880.html

This was your previous post.

[valinors_sorrow]

Thanks Tal, good catch... in my haste of being back, I forgot to do some "research". Lesson learned.

[bleimberger]

Mahlia, I hadn't read your other story, but I have read this one, and it sounds to me like this guy has a control problem, he may not seem like it, but my 18 year old sister is in the same situation that you are in, hers is probably a little worse. He has got you where he wants you. He knows that your not going to go out and find somebody else while he is still on the line, because he knows that you truly love him. He is messing with your head, and if he loved you then he would stop that crap. I think that you need to tell him he needs to make up his mind. I know how hard it is to be friends with somebody that you are in love with, if he decides that he still just wants to be friends, then I think that maybe you shouldn't talk to him for a while until you get over him, and I know how hard that will be for you, but you are going to have to do it for yourself, you can't keep going on like this.