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vngirl · Aug 7, 2009, 04:49 PM

Help! My household is exploding! I work 10 hours a day and my husband and my 21 year old son are having trouble finding work because they are limited in skills and the area they can work in because we don't have a car and all my money goes to rent and electricity, I can't get them to do household chores, my husband says he does it all and my son says he does it all and
I come home from work and none of its done! And they are always yelling at me. I have to hear from friends and family how I should kick them out but I fail to see how that is going to help because I will still have to do it all myself and all my money will still have to go to rent and electricity and it still won't be enough and I will be lonely on top of it and when they tell me that all it does is stress me out even more. How can I get my husband and my son to get along and cooperate with me and each other? And how do I get other people to stop trying to tell me to get the people I love out of my life?

zippit · Aug 7, 2009, 05:10 PM

Very tough question
You'r talking about two loved ones with two

Different issues and two different conditions

Start with the son how old is he?

I can't begin to advise you without more

Information?

vngirl · Aug 7, 2009, 05:16 PM

My son is 21 years old

zippit · Aug 7, 2009, 05:50 PM

Well he's an adult as you know

So he really needs to act like one and get

His own thing going hubby needs to back

You in that 100%

Am I saying kick the son to the curb? No

Just that if I was you I would focus on one

Proublem at a time,and from what I gathered

In reading your question things between you

And your husband are OK except this and this

So I would focus on the boy and maybe the

Husband will get the point he needs to step up

zippit · Aug 7, 2009, 05:54 PM

Hang in with this post

Soon you will get a lot better advise

Mine is just something to think over

Wondergirl · Aug 7, 2009, 06:17 PM

It's time you become a teacher. Just complaining or generally telling them to do this or that isn't enough. On the weekends, do the laundry with your son (that's his new chore), and let him do a couple of loads on his own, put them into the dryer, then fold them and put them away or stack them on the owners' bed. If you want your husband to keep the dishes washed, show him how you do it--let him do the washing part or load the dishwasher and turn it on. Go slowly. Teach and add on a chore every weekend. Spend part of the weekend cooking various things and have the guys help with chopping or peeling or putting into freezer wrap or containers, then freeze it all, so your main courses (soups, stews, chicken dishes, etc.) are all cooked for the week. For each meal, just add bread or rolls and a dessert (which can also be made over the weekend or store-bought). Go slowly. They will cooperate if you take baby steps with them.

Jake2008 · Aug 8, 2009, 10:49 AM

With all due respect to Wondergirl, I have to disagree.

Two grown men living in the house, contributing nothing need to find jobs. I hear a lot of excuses as to why they don't, but nothing good enough to say they are unable to work because of illness, injury or handicap of some sort.

There are jobs with revolving doors like fast food places, restaurants, grocery stores etc. There is help through re-training, upgrading. Skills training, occupational training, getting a GED etc. etc. If either one of them were serious about working, they'd be working.

That they aren't, would suggest that you have to set a few limits, expectations, and time frames for them.

It isn't okay for these men to not be able to figure out how to work a washing machine, vacuum cleaner or dishwasher. 10 minutes training-tops. Show them the cupboard where the garbage bags are, and the rags, dustmops, brooms and commet is. Also another 10 min at the most. Spray and wipe is pretty easy, no special instructions needed.

Until they can contribute, I'd be cancelling cable TV and internet. Cell phones, video games too. Maybe boredom will motivate them.

The only person being taken advantage of here is you, and it is because you are letting them. You work hard, and do all the work, but, it is by choice. Nobody can take advantage of you this way, unless you are enabling them, and they've got it all down to a fine science. The less they do, the more you do.

And they yell at you?

Time to put your foot down, stick to your guns, and get reasonable here.

vngirl · Aug 9, 2009, 01:35 PM

I appreciate the advice but in response I have to say part of my question was how can I get people who constantly remind me of the fact that my husband and son need jobs to stop because I already know they need jobs and when people remind me of that fact, all it does is cause me more undue stress and gets me mad at them.

Jake2008 · Aug 9, 2009, 02:37 PM

You have to narrow your focus to the problems at hand.

When others offer unsolicited advice, just say, things are going to work out fine. Just those 7 words, and no more. When they say, "well, what do you mean", then you say, " PLEASE don't worry, things are going to work out just fine." That is all you need to do. If it persists, I'd be inclined to say, "So, how did your husband make out with the prescription for his genital rash".

You don't owe anybody an explanation whatsoever. Keep things simple. The problems are in-house so to speak, and the less influence you allow outsiders to have over what you are dealing with, the more confusing it will be, and the more pressure you allow on yourself.