[aboleth]

I've been dating this gal for about a 1.5 years, and I moved into her house recently. We're doing really well, and She has a 3 year old son. The father was out of the picture for a while, but recently started visitation again. He has every other weekend, and tuesdays overnight with the child.

My girlfriend gets very upset about the overnights, and hates that her child is going back and forth so much. She feels it is hard on him. I think it may be harder on him than perhaps tacking days onto the weekend or something like that, but I think the situation is MUCH harder on her. She gets so worried about him while he's at his father's house, and worries that he will miss her, and what will happen when he asks for her and she isn't there... I can understand these feelings, but I really think he's going to come through it just fine. She doesn't want to hear this however... I have to really watch how I word things when talking about this.

The whole situation is really stressful for me as well, as I believe the father should see his child, and although he has been absent, he isn't an abusive person to my knowledge. I know visitation isn't fun, and I've been through it myself. She wants to go to court to get the Tuesday overnights switch to just Tuesday evenings, which I have no problem with... She feels it really affects the child in a negative way to go back in fourth for overnight visits so often. Honestly, I don't know if it does or not, as I haven't been living with her for more than 2 months and the visitation just started back up.

I don't know what to do, I love them both a lot, and if we can change visitation a bit then great, but I think in all likelihood it won't change, and this will be the permanent situation. I think the child will get used to it, but I don't want my girlfriend to be miserable the whole time... Advice?

[N0help4u]

You or her really can't do anything about what the Court determines. She can go back and seek to have it modified and it may or may not be.
There really isn't much you can say because it bothers her that you do say anything and it really isn't anything you can do anyway.
So the best thing to do is be there, be a good listener and a strong shoulder to lean on.

[justcurious55]

Had to spread the rep nohelp.
Sometimes the most helpful thing to do is just sit there and be a good listener.

[Jake2008]

That is a tricky situation, with the natural father being new to the visitation/overnight visits. I think that the stress for your girlfriend will ease with time.

You sound like a real standup guy to me. You aren't resentful, or angry, and you can see this from a very healthy point of view. It is a good thing for the child to spend time with his father, and you are very wise to support that.

While the legalities of this are between your girlfriend and the child's father, you are a part of the household, and as such will have a huge influence on the child's life.

I think the visitations will work out with a bit of time.

From what I've read, that is one lucky child to have three people in his life that love him.

[aboleth]

I appreciate the comments thus far. I think listening to her is probably my best bet. Sometimes people just have to go through these emotions. It's kind of like breaking up with someone; you have to cash that emotional check and deal with it for a while. I just hate seeing my girlfriend so sad about things.

I suppose it would only complicate matters to try to give her advice on the subject, which, as a man, I want to do! But, I think I'll go with the supporting role here, as recommended.

It is sometimes hard to bite your own tongue and listen, especially when you aren't too familiar with exactly how the other person feels. Thanks for the good advice.

As for the kid, he definitely is lucky.