[changefound]

I'll try to sum this up as easily as I can.

Dated for two years. Talked of marriage, shopped for homes together etc. The normal stuff a serious couple does in their mid-twenties. I was pretty immature at the time in some ways though. As excited as I was to marry her, I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life tied down to a 9 to 5 struggling to get by supporting a family. I think this was a bit of a shock to her because initially I was very responsible and yet I gradually started resenting the possibility of always being that way.

She was very supportive in any direction I thought about taking my life in, but I changed my mind constantly. I also hung around some pretty lazy and creative friends who didn't help in motivating me. I was also very irresponsible with my money. I mean, I wasn't broke all the time, but I was living paycheck to paycheck, spending money like an idiot.

I could feel her resenting the fact that I was becoming a man-child (not even my real personality though). She began going out a lot more, meeting people and I think looking at her options.

I was mad she did this. So I started fighting with her a lot. I guess I wanted her to stick by me until I was really ready for marriage. We ended up breaking up. I cried sure, but I didn't beg or anything. I went NC immediately. She tried to stay in contact, but I wouldn't have it. She ended up breaking into my house one night and I yelled at her for it, telling her to live with her decision (in front of some of our mutual friends who kind of sided with me).

She started hanging around another guy (former friend of mine) all the time. Her best friend told me about it, but swore nothing indecent happened (even though they apparently slept in the same bed together). I said my ex was cheap and deserved the loser (and he was a loser) she was with.

There was a lot of contempt between us. We would see each other out from time to time and our interactions were always cold and mean.

So, a year later. I feel like a schmuck about the whole thing. In fact, this whole year has been quite a growing experience for me. I'm a real adult now. I feel awful for being bitter after the relationship. I feel stupid for being a child during the relationship.

As far as I know, she isn't seeing anyone (although I haven't investigated). I only know she moved back in with her folks in "our" hometown away from the city and she still has our (her's now) old dog.

I don't know what I would really expect from talking to her. Obviously, if she is seeing someone, I'll run in the opposite direction and chalk it up to life experience. If she still resents me, I'll regretfully understand. The point is, I guess, I don't resent her anymore. I just miss her and I kind of want to tell her that (in a friendly way), not hopeless romantic.

What's weird is, I have never had a problem moving on from a relationship before. This one hit me differently. I haven't been with anyone in the past year. I haven't even been interested.

One of the things that drove her nuts, was that I never took risks for her. I never made a move unless I was sure of the outcome throughout the whole relationship. Even at the beginning, I didn't sweep her off her feet. I was indifferent (or at least acted that way). Part of me knows she secretly loved it though. I mean this girl is always being chased around by guys.

I don't want to be another guy chasing her. I also know that she probably doesn't spend any time pining over me. It's been a year guys. I think I really loved her more than anyone else I ever dated. I can accept that she moved on if she did. I just don't know if that's the case. Some of my friends think I'm just lonely, but that's not it. I actually kind of prefer being alone most of the time. It's not really my pride either as I have never had a problem landing dates and such. Nope, sadly I just still love a girl that I wasn't quite ready for before, but now I am.

Any thoughts? Advice?

[Silverfoxkit]

I don't think you can expect her to be overly willing to throw her heart into the ring again quickly, but you can start by making a simple phone call and saying,

"

I feel like a schmuck about the whole thing. In fact, this whole year has been quite a growing experience for me. I'm a real adult now. I feel awful for being bitter after the relationship. I feel stupid for being a child during the relationship.

"

And then ask if maybe you guys could be friends again. She may or may not reject the idea and may or may not come around after a few days thoguht on it, but one way or the other it can't hurt to try.

[changefound]

Definitely can't say that. I have a pride problem. For what it's worth. I think I was far more devastated over that break up than she was.

[kctiger]

First step in relationships and building them is being able to admit when you are wrong... not to us, but the other person. If you are too stubborn to do that, how can you ever expect a healthy relationship with anyone.

[Silverfoxkit]

First step in relationships and building them is being able to admit when you are wrong... not to us, but the other person. If you are too stubborn to do that, how can you ever expect a healthy relationship with anyone.

Had to spread the rep Kc.

If you are not yet mature enough to admit when you were wrong then you are not yet mature enough to try and rebuild the relationship and it would best to leave heartache alone until you are ready to make that first step.

[changefound]

Very true and I can certainly point out where I was wrong. I just don't think I could call her up apologizing after a year. You know what I mean? Can't I ease into it? Or will that look slimy?

[changefound]

Should it be a phone call? A text? An email?

What if she has moved on and all I do is simply feed her ego?

I'm sincerely sorry, but she wasn't an angel and I don't want to become some joke to her and maybe some new boyfriend.

[Silverfoxkit]

You can apologize without having to grovel and by whatever means you feel most comfortable with. You can say look, I feel awful about how I acted and I just wanted to set things straight without whining or begging. Even if it doesn't result in any rekindled romance wouldn't it at least help your conscious?

If she does only laugh at you for something like that then you are not the one at fault or the immature one, she is and you can feel better about yourself knowing that you were the bigger man and you don't have to waste your time wondering if its worth it.

[kctiger]

You are truly over thinking this and letting your own ego worry too much about how you may be perceived. Just casually have a conversation with her and see how it goes... not that big of a deal.

[changefound]

You are truly over thinking this and letting your own ego worry too much about how you may be perceived. Just casually have a conversation with her and see how it goes...not that big of a deal.

Yeah I know. I feel like I'm in High School again with all of this. I'm a pretty confident person, but when I think about calling her up I start to feel like a big dork. Haha, I'm insane.

[crisluvsu731]

I think that if you want her back. You need to call her, appologize for what happened and tell her how you feel. It is worth a shot if you truly want her back.

[changefound]

Yeah, it's just that I was so sure I was in the right when we broke up. I feel like doing so now would forever justify everything wrong she did do. She knows I was heartbroken and that I haven't dated anyone since. (Her spies are much better than mine, j/k). If she was remotely interested, wouldn't she have found a way to let me know?

[kctiger]

All of this BS questioning and over analyzing could be put to a stop if you acted like a mature adult and called her. You have NOTHING to lose... if this is something you truly want to find out, then do it, otherwise continue to regret. You act like you are playing a game here. You either call her or you don't, simple as that. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

[changefound]

Yeah, you are right Kctiger. Absolutely right.

[overayear]

I agree with KC, you are taking too much time thinking about whether you should call or not. I say to give her a call. Quit putting so much pressure on yourself or the situation. Let it flow naturally, so in other words if you feel like calling her, then call her.

[changefound]

Appreciate the kick guys. One last question then. How should I contact her? I feel like calling her would put her on the spot (I have a new number).

[overayear]

I don't think it would put her on the spot, I would give her a call and see what happens. If she doesn't want to talk after that then it is what it is. Are you seeing if you should texted her instead?

[KARIEMELIA]

Let us know what happens... I am on my tippy toes waiting!

[talaniman]

Lets end the drama, pick up the phone, and let her know what an idiot you were, and see if she wants to see what you've become.

No texts, emails, or notes. Just be ready for whatever she says, and keep your cool, and don't sound like a blithering idiot. If she is receptive, speak your peace, and be a good listener if she let's you.

Rejection is the risk you take. Take it. Real men are as graceful in defeat, as they are in victory.

NOTE- See, I don't always say move on!!

[asking]

I'm confused. I thought you just broke up recently with the woman who you said wanted to be choked during sex, in your other thread. Is this the same girlfriend?

Am I a wimp in bed?

My ex and I just broke up after two years and I think it may be because I wouldn't hit her and choke her in bed. I was in the Marines, played rugby and football. I'll knock a Guy out if he is truly deserving, but I can't bring myself to inflict pain on a woman. Especially something so tiny as my ex. It doesn't turn me on, it bothers me that she asks for it. I have no problem throwing her into the bed, or holder her down, pulling hair, fairly common stuff. I'm passionate, not timid. I just won't beat her. She made me feel like a wimp for not "letting go". She has no idea how badly I could hurt her I think. Can anyone chime in?