[paigerwaiger94]

I often think about that summer. I wonder if she would think about me, the way I think about her. My insticts were right. I never saw Dawnley again. Most people, upon reading this, would say: "well, you never know. Your not dead yet."
I know that I will never see her again. I loved her, then. I love her still. And if I could go to her, I would. But I am now a married man, and she is gone. Never to return. In some ways, I love my wife as much as I loved her. But Mellissa knows. She knows everything. She's aware that there is a small part of my life, that she will never claim. A small part of my heart, that will never be hers. And I suppose she's OK with it.
Mellissa didn't have a love before me, so she will never know what its like. But I suppose she understands.
About a month ago, I got a phone call. I was on my way to work, at OU medical center. I looked at my phone, wishing it was broken, or turned off or something. But, seeing that it wasn't, I flipped it open, and said: "Hi mom."
"Hey, Tom." she said. It sounded like she had been crying. My thoughts flashed to my father, Dillion, who was no longer a young man. Oh no. I thought. Please no.
"Hows dad?" I asked immediately.
"He's fine." she replied.
A wave of relief washed through me.
"And Derrik?" I asked, referring to my little brother.
"He's good."
There was something wrong. Mom wasn't talking my ear off the way she normally did. By this time, I was already in the elevator, on my way up to my office.
"So whats up?" I asked.
"Tom, you need to come home." she said, quietly.
"Who died?" I asked, in a joking tone.
"Dawnley Walsh." she replied.
My breath whoosed out, in one smooth gust. I was only joking. Dawnley Walsh, I hadn't heard that name in years. Memorys of that summer came flooding back.
"Da-Da-Dawn?" I finally studdered back to her.
Mom started crying again.
"Come home Tom." she said again.
"Okay...mom. Oka-okay." It surprised me to find that I was crying. Feelings that had been dead for twenty years, suddenly came back. I had to go home. I didn't bother to go to my office. I went to the secretary booth, "Hey, Donna, I've had a death in the family." "I'm going home." I said. She nodded.
Before I got to my car, I was on the phone with the airport. Mellissa hadn't crossed my mind yet. I drove home, and met Mellissa at the door. "I have to go home." I said. "A cousin died." I struggled with words. I hoped that she didn't see through my lie, but I knew that she probably would. I went upstairs to pack a bag. Once I was packed, and ready, I took my bag downstairs. "I'll probably be back on Wednesday." I said. She was sitting in front of the window, just looking out side. Tears rolling down her face. "It's her. Isnt it?" she said. I played dumb. "Who?" I asked. She didn't answer. So I left. Without a goodbye. With out a kiss. Without an "I love you."
************************************************** ************************************************** ***************
I opened my phone, and called my mom. She would probably be here in about fifteen minutes. I went to stand outside with my bag. A few minutes later, she pulled up. The whole ride home, she didn't say anything. I gave her a hug once we got into the car. Once we were home, I reached for the paper. Sure enough... there it was. In the obituarys.



Dawnley Rennay Walsh.
1971-2009.
Dawnley Rene Walsh was born in Oxford Louisianna on July the ninth, nineteen seventy one. She passed away at North Valley Hospital on July the tenth, two thousand and nine. Dawnley is preceded in death by her younger brother, Joshua, both grandparents, and one uncle. She has left behind, both parents, Roger, and, Jillian Walsh. One aunt, and one uncle, four cousins, and one second cousin.
Dawnley was an advertising executive for DeLaney and Company, in Liltford Tennessee. In her spare time, she enjoyed talking to her mother, and writing in her journal.
Funeral services are being held through Severis Funeral Home. Graveside services will be held Tuesday, the fourteenth of July, at Rosehill cemetery.


I read, and re-read, until my eyes were so blurred that I couldn't read anymore. My mom called me in the kitchen. I shook my head, to clear my eyes, and walked in. She placed a book in my hand. I recognized it instantly. Her old diary. I used to tease her about writing in it.
"This was to be left to you." mom said. I was puzzled. "Open it." she said.
I flipped the cover, to read:
*This book is the property of Thomas Lynn Wilcox*
I smiled at the measures Dawn had taken, to make sure that this got to me.
I took the book into the living room... I didn't want an audience. I sat down in my dads chair. The book laying in my lap. I opened it, and turned to the first page. It was blank. There were a lot of pages that had been ripped out. I flipped through the book. Most of the pages were blank, and yellowed with age. A bit of script in the middle of the book caught my eye. I flipped through the book until I found it again. I was amazed at the words.


I love you Tom. 7-8-09

[paigerwaiger94]

Um... this is part two, to what started as a short story. I couldn't help adding on. There's just something beautiful about the fact that even though its twenty years later, she still loves him.
Please tell me what you think
-paige.

[paigerwaiger94]

Anyone?

[Alty]

I like it.

Obviously this is part two, I'm guessing that you fleshed out the characters more in part one which is why it's not grabbing me the way I would want it to.

Your writing style is good, flows very easily, pleasant to read, but I can't help but think that something is missing. Description, that may be it.

Remember, when people read they can't see what's in your head. You have to tell them. Describe the things you see and feel, flesh out the characters more, tell us what they think, feel, how they look, what their past is, unless of course it's best to leave us in the dark so that we continue reading, only to find out later what the characters true nature is.

Good start. :)