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mommyjessemn · Jul 31, 2009, 01:50 PM

I have a 7 year old daughter. Her father and I are divorced. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody. His visitation is every other weekend and holiday. I am remarried and have children with my new husband. I have family in NV and my husband and I are being offered better jobs in NV to begin in Jan. We will be making way more money. Right now we are broke and barely getting by. I know that living in NV would be better for my daughter. She wants to move with us to NV but she is afraid to let her dad down. She does things that he wants her to, even if they make her unhappy. THen she tells me she is unhappy and I have to let her dad know. As far as the move goes, I am offering to put her on a plane to fly home one weekend a month to see him, and every other holiday vacation/school break and she can stay with him 2/3 of the summer break and he will not have to pay any child support. (he pays around $400.00 a month). I think that this will give him more time with her. Plus she has a cell phone and internet so he can contact her at any time. Also he can use the $400.00 he is saving a month to come down and see her. He is more then welcome to stay with us or my family. (they own two houses in NV right now) Or there are a lot of hotels in the town we will be living in. I have two questions. First should I sit down with her dad and offer him all that I am offering and see if we can work out an agreement or should I get a lawyer and have the lawyer handle it? We usually get along and we filed our divorce papers together and agreed on everything in the divorce. If we do agree on it can we just go back to court and have the custody papers updated? But if we don't agree on it, can bringing it up to him make him file papers against me and block my move? My second question is, if this does go to court do you think I will win and be able to move with her? And is there anything I can do to help myself win? (incase we don't reach an agreement).

Justwantfair · Jul 31, 2009, 01:57 PM

I would first sit down with your ex and see if you can reach an agreement, that will be a lot less costly then fighting this through in cour, you didn't say where you currently live but in Illinois you have to file a Petition of Removal to leave the state and he can contest on the grounds that it will effect his current parenting schedule.

The judge will evaluate and make a decision, but often this is a time consuming process, if you do not agree. Don't procrastinate long, make sure you have a sit down and write down anything that you can agree to. Some orders require a mediation prior to going forward in court, which may also help you come to some agreements.

Good luck to you, I hope that your ex can weigh the situation with the ability to weigh the child's best interests.

If a judge makes the decision, in Illinois it is based on the following primary factors...

That the move will improve the quality of life for the CP and child;
Reasons of the CP wants to move;
Reasons for the NCP to resist;
Whether there can be a reasonable visitation schedule established.

mommyjessemn · Jul 31, 2009, 02:46 PM

I live in MN. Is there any harm in talking it over with him? Like if he says "you can't move and I wont let you take her" Then what happens? Do you think I would win. I want to move for better jobs, and to be closer to my family. I don't think he would want me to move because he would not want to be that far away from her. I really feel like life would be a lot better for her there. We will have more money, bigger house and working less so we will have more family time. I would be working at a family business with very flexible hours and great pay. DO you think the visitation schedule I want to offer him will be reasonable? (she will fly home one weekend a month, every other holiday or school break, she will fly to him for 2/3rds of the summer break and he is welcome to fly down to see her) What do you think the chances are for me to move to NV?

JudyKayTee · Jul 31, 2009, 02:49 PM

Only a Judge knows what he/she will decide. While the arrangement seems reasonable to me it may very well not seem reasonable to your "ex" or to the Court.

I've seen people refused permission to move when great jobs/great pay/great opportunities would be possible - because the non-custodial parent doesn't want to be restricted to one weekend a month, every other holiday and 2/3rds of the summer. The non-custodial parent wants continued, constant, scheduled visitation with the child.

You never know until you ask.

Yes, I would attempt to talk to him. If he says "no" you will know exactly where the situation stands.

Justwantfair · Jul 31, 2009, 02:49 PM

I read your complete original post.
There isn't harm in trying to talk about the situation first.
If that doesn't work then hire an attorney because you will have a battle on your hands.
A judge will then weigh all the factors and make a decision for the undecided parties.
It will be costly and time consuming, if he doesn't want to agree. So feel free to try taking about the situation first.

cdad · Jul 31, 2009, 04:07 PM

Part of what your asking sounds reasonable but on the flip side sounds outragous. Your child may be at an age where flying isn't a big deal but that can change at any time. Putting them on a plane unattended over 12 times in 1 year can get old very quick. And the times spend going back and forth might turn into 5 hours or more each way. Again unattended. That's something you really have to consider. Also is the dad active in his child's life because that's something they have to give up on a move away. School plays soccer games etc.. You get the idea. Can't do that from states away.

mommyjessemn · Jul 31, 2009, 07:53 PM

The flight takes three hours, and she would not be unattended. She would fly back to MN with my family members, me (we would fly back to visit friends and other family members) or the airline has a person to attend the flight with the minor children. The flight would cost more for me but she would be with a attendant from when I drop her off until her dad picks her up. It would be like a daycare. I think the trade off is worth it. She would have a better life in NV. I realize her dad would have to give up a few things like soccer games and stuff but he would be seeing her more this way and for longer periods. Right now he only sees her every other weekend. I know he would miss out on things in her life but nothing in life is perfect. I am just trying to do what is best for her and her quality of life. If he wanted to and was able to come to NV to see her for her soccer games that would be great. I would love for him to come down for all the important things.

stinawords · Jul 31, 2009, 08:08 PM

Have you budgeted in all of these flights back and forth with your cost of living? Sure you will be making more money but you will also be spending more. Also, if her father can prove that he is with her more than just every other weekend (such as the soccer games) he can fight even harder. Why don't you talk to him about it and then come back with any more questions. It sounds like you two are on a fairly good ground communication wise so try that first as many people have said.

mommyjessemn · Jul 31, 2009, 08:16 PM

Thank you for the advice. I will talk to him next weekend and let you know what happens. Thanks again for everything.