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keke86 · Jul 30, 2009, 10:04 PM

Well my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and we love each other dearly. We do everything together and we even talk about getting married next year. We don't live together but I have my own place and he stays with me often. We have been through a lot, not cheating, but a lot of trust issues have reared their ugly heads. But we got through it. Recently, my boyfriend went to his guy friend's house and stayed for a long time. I called him around 11:00pm and he didn't answer. When he came into the house around 2:00am I got angry with him. Now he says he feels like he's trapped because I got mad that he went to a friend's house. Neither one of us spends time with others too often and it's been that way for about a year. But he feels like since I got mad I don't want him to do anything else but be with me. What have I done wrong?

BlackVY · Jul 30, 2009, 10:13 PM

I believe to have a healthy relationship, you should have some contact with friends of the same sex, outside of your relationship.

You shouldn't only be with your partner all the time out of an obligation, or because you have to. If you spend time with them, its because you want to.

I guess because you got mad with him for coming home late, he feels like you are controlling him and want him to be with you all the time.

A better approach might have been to let him come home after spending time with his friend, and you shouldn't have to worry because it's a guy friend. He would have seen this as you giving him his space and freedom when he needs it, and would appreciate it.

Right now I guess you could talk to him and let him know that you love him, care about him and his happiness and would really like for him to spend all his time with you, but you know that's not possible, nor is it fair, and you are OK with that, but hope that he will reassure you that you are his priority in life, and his friends are just his friend.

Good luck

makapuu · Jul 30, 2009, 11:00 PM

I think it's a communication issue with your boyfriend. I always check in with my boyfriend when I'll be late coming home and vice versa, because he knows I worry too much, and a phone call isn't really a lot to ask for.

Torrid13 · Jul 30, 2009, 11:15 PM

I think you need to give each other breathing room! You have a girls' night and him have a guys' night!

If you give each other some more time apart to be with friends, getting together will seem more special, even if you live together.

But, I would talk to him and ask him that if he decides to spend a long night or time with the guys, to call you and let you know around what time he's planning on being home. That way he doesn't feel like you're trying to cut his time short by calling him during the night, and you don't have to worry as much. Or at all.

I think with a little more space and communication, everything will be fine!