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mahga · Jul 26, 2009, 09:25 AM

I've known my boyfriend now for about four years and we were best friends for 3 of them. We were always very close and told each other everything. We both knew we had feelings for each other for a while but didn't act on them in fear of ruining our friendship. We did eventually start going out a year ago and it went really well until he started having some problems including the death of a close family member 3 months after we got together. Over the next 5 months he became very closed off and was depressed a lot of the time. He them started getting anger problems and broke up with me in March because he was scared of hurting me, emotionally or physically. He still told me he loved me and he then started getting counselling. We got back together about a month ago and around the same time he stopped going to the counselling sessions. He is no longer as angry as he used to be and he can deal with things a lot better but he's still not happy with the relationship and he thinks that it may not work. I've told him I think he should go back to counselling because even though he is over the anger problems there's still a lot he needs to deal with. He says that he still loves me and that he wants us to be together but its just not working for him. We both agreed that we were going to try and make things work but I don't know what I should change because I don't really know what's making him unhappy.

liz28 · Jul 26, 2009, 01:43 PM

You can't fix something if you don't know what needs to be fix.

You won't be able to have a healthy relationship until your boyfriend get all the help he needs for himself. He needs counseling and might still be grieving however you can force him to go. This is something he has to want to do.

Righ now there is nothing for you to do but step back.

makapuu · Jul 26, 2009, 02:50 PM

It seems like you two are really good friends. Turning a deep friendship into a romantic relationship is tough because you have so much invested in being an emotional supporter for your friend that you feel conflicted when you want time for yourself. Being in a relationship does not mean that you spend 24/7 with a person. Giving a person space to deal with their own issues for a while doesn't mean that you are breaking up. Most people in the beginning of relationships think it's all or nothing. It all depends on what you both want.