[carryon]

My husband died last week. My in-laws have hardly left the house since (8-11 people each day). They get here early, stay until late (making so much noise that my daughter is having trouble sleeping) make a huge mess that I still haven't had time to clean up. They think being alone is the worst possible thing. I'm exhausted. They are circling apartments for rent and want ads in the paper, because they say I can't afford to live here by myself and need to get another job! They may be right, but I'll be OK for a few months and I just want time to breath.
How can I get rid of them for a while? I don't want to hurt my daughters chance of a relationship with her family in the future. They all think they are helping but it is TOO MUCH

[Jake2008]

I don't think this is about etiquite at all, it's about boorish, rude, dominating, pushy people who have invaded your house and are running your life!!

Most people are allowed their privacy once a funeral is over. You need time with your daughter in a peaceful, calm environment to talk and think. You need to be able to rest, make plans for your future and take care of business the way you see fit.

As difficult a time as this is for you with the recent passing of your husband, you have the added burden of several people on your doorstep everyday providing nothing but stress, anxiety, undue influence and chaos.

They do not sound like the type of people who would respond to subtle hints. Rather, they need to be knocked between the eyes to get a point.

It will be necessary for you to tell them straight up, you will call them when you need them to come over, and they are not to come over otherwise. Tell them that your daughter needs her rest, and you need some peace and quiet.

Don't explain yourself because that opens you up to arguments, and all those people will wear you down.

If you can send an email to all of them at once with the same simple message, do so.

Then when they do show up, do not answer the door. When they call, if you have call display, do not pick up the phone. You may wish to have a pre-recorded message to say that you thank anyone who is calling, but you wish to have your privacy at this time.

These people sound like vultures to me.

I am very sorry that your husband died only a week ago. For your own health, mental and physical, you need to work through your grief without relatives circling apartments in the newspaper, making messes for you to clean up, and dictating what you need to do.

Please put a stop to this. It is totally innapropriate of them to do what they are doing.

[JudyKayTee]

I also lost my husband - I finally had to ask people to give me some space, told them that I needed alone time to suffer/grieve, simply needed quiet time by myself.

Some people were offended; other people understood.

I think you have to come right out and say what you are feeling and trust that they will think it through and understand.

I'm so sorry for your loss - I found it is difficult for people who haven't experienced this exact loss to appreciate the grief of being widowed. When it's a parent you still have your husband/wife. When it's your husband/wife your life is suddenly empty.

Again - I'm sorry.