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need_help1 · Jul 21, 2009, 07:46 AM

For the past few weeks I am being forced into marriage. Though my parents say I'm old enough to get married I don't think "23 years" define "old enough". I am not sure if I can trust the guy my parents chose for me. All this said, I think I almost fell for a guy I know for one year. I think about him all the time and almost decided he would be the one I marry. I told my parents about him. They wouldn't accept him for he is from another culture altogether.My friends say he is not worth the trouble and I deserve better. And the guy I think I almost love, gave up within a week and says he loves me but wouldn't want to hurt my parents and me in any which way and so,we should forget the whole thing. He says we could be friends all our life. I get depressed when I think that he wouldn't be in my life anymore. So I said yes. But the fact is every time I talk to him, I want to work things out with my parents some way and marry him. My parents are quite so adamant that they would never agree and get down to an emotional-blackmail that sets fireworks in my house. I don't feel like staying here anymore. I am not able to figure out a way out of any of this

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 07:50 AM

What country are you in?
At 23 can you move out and tell your parents you are doing what is best for you?

Are you this person with another screen name?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ks-377896.html

need_help1 · Jul 21, 2009, 07:53 AM

I live in a very conservative country where "parents are everything to their children" and vice versa.

I was working until the last month. They made me drop out for they didn't like my job.

need_help1 · Jul 21, 2009, 08:02 AM

Just to clarify.. im nt the same.. I am glad to hear that there are people out there suffering the way I'm. MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2009, 08:10 AM

You need to get the courage and strength and really look at the reality of spending 80 yrs with someone you don't love---- do something. Run off with your boyfriend if you have to. You are the one that has to live with this the REST of your life. Your parents aren't going to be the one he is having sex with. Your parents aren't the ones that are going to be living your loveless life.

jmjoseph · Jul 21, 2009, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by need_help1

i live in a very conservative country where "parents are everything to their children" and vice versa.

i was working until the last month. they made me drop out for they didnt like my job.

If you mean everything to your parents, then they should listen to you. Tell them that you want to marry someone that YOU LOVE. I hope you don't have to choose between freedom and family. Good luck to you.

Kadehadaire · Jul 21, 2009, 09:41 AM

A forced marriage will make you a miserable prisoner forever. You only have one life to live, please live it for your own happiness alone.

Gemini54 · Jul 21, 2009, 06:40 PM

I don't think that you're ready for any marriage or any sort with anyone at the moment.

Try and have a calm talk with your parents. Tell them that you feel unhappy and uncertain and that you want to wait. Let them know that you want to be a good daughter and to consider what is best for them as well. Tell them that you'll be doing what's best for all of you if you wait. A failed marriage and your unhappiness would only bring shame on the entire family.

What I'm trying to say is that you're young and clearly not ready for marriage with anyone. Tell you parents what they want to hear as they will be concerned about different things to you. Let them know that you share their concerns, want to do what's best, but that you feel it is in the best interests of all of you to wait.

Forget about the guy you almost love, he's just a distraction, and you don't even know if you love him.

miss karma · Jul 22, 2009, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by need_help1

just to clarify..im nt the same..i am glad to hear that there are people out there suffering the way i m. MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!!!

Omg! A can't believe you would say such a thing! Your glad I'm going through the same thing! What kind of selfish and spiteful person are you? U know what I'm going through I would never wish it on my worst enemy because it's a horrible experience to go through! I hope I don't ever become as bitter as you my friend. So does it make you feel better that other people are miserable as you because yo be honest I find that quite pathetic. I feel sorry for you for having that attitude towards people.

cdavison · Jul 22, 2009, 07:33 AM

What she means is that, she's glad that she's not alone in going through this. Sometimes when you feel like you the only suffering through something, it makes it even harder to bear it. You know how AA and other organisations like that work. It's not that she's wishing it on you, just that it makes it slightly easier to go through if you know you are not alone.

need_help1 · Jul 22, 2009, 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by cdavison

What she means is that, she's glad that she's not alone in going through this. Sometimes when you feel like you the only suffering through something, it makes it even harder to bear it. You know how AA and other organisations like that work. It's not that she's wishing it on you, just that it makes it slightly easier to go through if you know you are not alone.

Thanks.. I meant just that.