Check out some similar questions!

ccraigy · Jul 19, 2009, 12:18 PM

Hi guys, just joined and would appreciate any help that can be given!

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a year and a half now, and while we have argued a lot, we always make up really quickly afterwards, usually by latest an hour after said argument. About December time she became pregnant with twins and in march she miscarried them while I was away and uncontactable one weekend. It was hard but we both coped and for a while now we been talking about getting married and moving in together. For my 22nd birthday she got me an engagement ring but said she couldn't give it to me as the time wasn't right.

I then had to go away with work for 2 weeks and in this time was constantly telling me how much she missed me, how she loved me so much and wouldn't ever let me go away again etc.. for the 2nd week I lost my phone so was uncontactable again and 3 days before I was due to come home she was different.. she made friends with people she hated before I left (she was slaggign them off the day before I left in fact) and now leaves her son (from a previous relationship) at home with her mother to look after while she goes out gettign hammered with these new mates. She's been avoiding seeing me face to face but texts me quite a lot till I saw her today, a week after I come back. She said she still loves me the same, but she's unhappy being with me as I didn't come back when she needed me for the twins, all she wants to do now is go out get drunk stumble in in the early hours and do the same again when she wakes up! She said she don't want to take me down with her, I tried explaining that I didn't care, I wanted to be there for her , and to hopefully cheer her up but it didn't work.. she also said I caused her too much heartache and pain by telling her about my possible deployment to afganistan, which I have since wriggled out of so I didn't leave her... I eventually got her to agree to wait a week with me not contacting her, see how she feels next Sunday..

I guess my question to this is, I love her so much, I think she's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, she has said the same about me, indeed, she was even saying it in the first week I was away, I just want to know, what can I do to help her.. and selfishly, decided she does want to stay with me?

Sorry for the long post, and again, thanks in advance for any help given!

Craig

s_cianci · Jul 19, 2009, 01:00 PM

You can't force her to make the decision you want her to make ; it's up to her. I presume you're in the military, given your reference to a possible deployment to Afghanistan and several other mentions of work-related travel. It sounds like this woman feels she has other fish to fry for right now. And let's face it ; the military isn't exactly relationship-friendly nor family-friendly. I think that, for right now, you have to let her go. It sounds like she can't handle the rigors of being in a relationship with a serviceman. And I would never advise you to give up your career on her account, especially since she's so ambivalent about things as it is.

ccraigy · Jul 19, 2009, 01:32 PM

Cheers for the reply s_cianci, do you mean it sounds like she wants to get with other people? I am in the reserve forces, its how I managed to get out of my deployment, I have only just recently joined as well, right from the outset she said she didn't like squaddies, but accepted the fact I wanted to do it and the reasons behind me wanting to do it (I always wanted to join the army and so I would be able to afford a house for us with the additional income). I know I can't force her to choose to stay with me, if I was honest I think I just wish I never joined up, then I wouldn't be going through this now! I don't know what to say to her when I meet her next Sunday to try and get her to work at our relationship, get us back to how we were before I went away!

s_cianci · Jul 19, 2009, 03:52 PM

do you mean it sounds like she wants to get with other people?

That's exactly what I mean. And don't ever regret having joined the army ; you made a good choice and it'll pay off for you in the years to come. Let her go and build your own life based on what you want, not what she wants.

ccraigy · Jul 19, 2009, 11:53 PM

I guessed it was something to do with this, but what bought this about? Was she lying before I left then saying the things she did? Why buy an engagement ring?
Also why would she say give it a week so she can think about us, she wants me to come up next Sunday to talk! Should I go? It really hurts, all I want is the old us back!

ccraigy · Jul 21, 2009, 01:07 PM

One of her mated asked her what was up and this is what she said to her:

Yeah im fine just bit down bout but its all gud! Yeah me n craig are goin downhil again but this time its me i cracked unda the pressure of every1s and not sure i can take anymore. I love craig but i dont fink its enough anymore i want him 2 be happy. Everyone knows he can do better even he does. But [/B][/B]

Im just after advice of what I should do now... should I try and stay with her or what?

Any help is appreciated guys, thanks for any reponses in advance,

Craig

genesisz · Jul 21, 2009, 02:17 PM

It is very hard to loose a baby because about 2 years ago my older sister got pregnant she was in a relationship for 3 year she hads lost the baby and was depress for months most people didn't notice she would try to hide it but I did and I would talk to her. Your girl friend could be feeling guilty think she had done something wrong.but it just how life goes .but if you really love her just try to talk to her an tell her how you feel. Thing would change hopefully. Hope this helps